Can't co-sleep- problem? Return of the pregnant worrier!

[squizita]

I'm always on here worrying/fussing about feeding and still have a bump not a baby.

Latest worry: I have a mild sleep disorder which would make it unwise to co-sleep with DD once born. Basically I sleep in short 2-4 hour bursts and move A LOT in my sleep (not nightmares, just sometimes my muscles don't paralyse as they should). I have injured DH (bloodied his nose! kicked shins often) in the past in my sleep.
Would not feel secure exposing a baby to this so planning on using a bedside crib.

Now worried that this will affect night feeds, whether BF or FF! Any reassurance? I'm sure as lots of women use them my baby will be OK but am paranoid.

[PterodactylTeaParty]

I sleep like an F4 tornado, so my 8-week-old sleeps in a cot next to my side of the bed (one of those little rocking cradle types). Night feeds: she wakes me up fussing, I sit up, grab the baby, (breast)feed her until she falls back to sleep, then put her back. Not as smooth as co-sleeping but not a problem at all.

What sort of problem are you worried about re: night feeds?

[squizita]

I dunno really. Just RL people saying "you'll have to co-sleep if you BF" and sucking in their breath. Like the difference would be 100 miles not 1 step! And logically NCT wouldn't sell little bedside cots if they weren't 'good' would they?

Thanks, your post has reassured me!

[leedy]

Never co-slept with either of mine (except the occasional hour or two in the morning after a feed in an attempt to get a bit more kip), had no problems doing night feeds at all. Baby in basket/cot beside bed, lift baby from receptacle, feed baby, replace in receptacle. Done!

I think co-sleeping works brilliantly for some people, but I sometimes feel that people for whom it has worked are almost too enthusiastic about it and set it up as this kind of holy grail/gold standard of "how to deal with night feeds and get enough sleep" (I'm on another BF board where pretty much any mother struggling with night feeds is met with cries of "But have you tried co-sleeping? You'll be so much happier! It's AMAZING! Revolutionized my life! I get more sleep than ever and my hair is thick and lustrous, etc. etc."). See also: lying down feeding, which I never managed to do comfortably.

[restandpeace]

Loads of peopl breastfeed and dont co-sleep!

[Imeg]

I know lots of older ladies who breastfed their babies at a time when the advice was that the baby must sleep in its own room from the beginning and their children all seem to have done alright... While advice on some things has clearly moved on for good reasons, I find talking to them helpful when trying to keep things in perspective.

[Imeg]

PS I'm breastfeeding and I take the baby next door to the nursery to feed him, mainly because I feel nervous about co-sleeping and I worry I'll fall asleep accidentally with him if I take him into bed.

[squizita]

Thanks all! :)

Leedy yes I seem to have RL friends who have a gold standard (not all!) and find it rather intimidating TBH.

[Writerwannabe83]

I breast feed and my 8 week old baby sleeps in a Moses Basket next to the bed. I have never co-slept. I tried it once as I was really tired and DS couldn't settle but I found it absolutely impossible to switch off - I was just so aware of a baby next to me that sleep just wasn't an option for me.

It sounds like co-sleeping isn't an option for you but please don't panic that it will affect your feeding if you do chose to BF. I would imagine that a very high percentage of women don't co-sleep but still manage to feed their babies perfectly fine.

Like IC said, I don't co-sleep but DS is growing perfectly well and there are no problems with my supply - I start leaking if DS so much as cries

[TheScience]

Bedsharing makes it easier as you can sleep through the feeds, especially in the beginning when many newborns won't sleep away from you, but not bedsharing doesn't make it impossible. You might just get a bit less sleep and have to enlist your DH a bit more.

[BrianButterfield]

I hate "proper" co-sleeping but love bedside cots! DD is in one and believe me it doesn't affect breastfeeding at all. In fact it works great for us as she is not a cuddly sleeper and prefers her own space but is comforted by having me just a few inches away.

[leedy]

Not wishing to single you out, TheScience, but there it is again - "you might just get a bit less sleep" (if you don't co-sleep), co-sleeping "makes it easier as you can sleep through the feeds". I actually couldn't - I found feeding lying down incredibly uncomfortable (I have weirdly widely spaced boobs that sort of point away from each other), baby never seemed to be able to get a good latch, I felt basically like I was being awkwardly pinned to the bed by my nipple no matter how many tips and tricks I followed or pillows I propped around myself. I got really frustrated during DS1's more wakey periods when the only solution everyone seemed to offer to frequent BF baby waking was "just co-sleep and feed lying down like me, it's lovely and makes life soooooo much easier!" Like, it wasn't because I didn't feel safe or because I was scared to try it, it was because it really just didn't work.

As I said above, it's definitely worth a try and if it works it can be great, but it's not essential to night feeding success.

[TheScience]

OK, read it as "if you can't co-sleep and feed lying down you might just get a bit less sleep".

[squizita]

I don't sleep that much anyway haha. I've actually been told by a MW this might work in my favour (but knowing my luck "my" 2 hourly wake ups will stagger with PFBs not dovetail in nicely).

[Writerwannabe83]

In the early weeks I was typically up every 2-3 hours in the night to BF and although it was tiring it's surprising how quickly you adapt to having broken sleep.

Now, at 8 weeks old DS typically sleeps for 5-6 hours between his last feed of the evening to his first one the next morning. His last feed is usually finished by 10pm and then he will sleep until 04.00am. He is then usually asleep by 05.00am again and doesn't wake until about 08.30am so I get another good chunk of sleep in that time frame too.

I probably get a cumulative total of 7-8 hours sleep a night, which is good enough for me

[squizita]

Writer Blimy you're doing better than me and my baby's not here yet! Hopes and prays my sleep patterns gel with baby's hunger.

[snapple21]

Writerwannabe your posts sounds exactly like me!

My baby is 9 weeks old and we haven't co slept either, I tried it but I was on edge. He sleeps brilliantly in the Moses basket. His first chunk of sleep is 6 hours, he wakes up and attracts my attention, not but crying just fussing, I feed him and pop him back in and he settles himself well! I then also get another three hours or so.

[JustPretending]

Another fan of bedside cots here - the side collapses to slide baby into bed for a feed, then back again. The sides are gauze allowing for eye contact with baby as they fall asleep. We hold hands when needed to help baby settle at night :). I am much too nervous of rolling to truly co-sleep.

[ilovetosleep]

I love the idea of co sleeping but it doesn't work for all babies even if the mother wants to! DS2 has reflux and needs to be held upright for half an hour after each feed! How would co sleeping help with that?! Yet so many people suggest it to me when I say how little sleep I get. Not to mention gettin up to spend 20mins to get a burp up. Surely all these cosy co sleeping babies get wind too?!

[GardeningPerchance]

I guess cosleeping is the ultimate, because you can just flip a boob out and let them help themselves and barely even have to wake up, whereas if they are in a separate cot you have to actually properly wake up, sit up and get them, then remember to definitely stay awake to put them back in. But, if you have to, you have to! And it's not like having to get up, go to another room entirely, prepare a bottle, sit in a chair, settle them back down after etc etc so it would still appeal to me!

[squizita]

Justpretending where did you get yours from? NCT have one, is that the one most people use?

Garden yup better than prepping bottles. Although mate has regailed me with her (made it into journals he was so gigantic) baby who gave her worst of both worlds... demanded breast and top ups - double checked by experts - and is officially one of the biggest babies in the UK! By the law of averages I am therefore hoping for an average sized baby with average food requirements. :)

[TheScience]

ilove - most breastfed babies don't really suffer with wind as they don't swallow air from a breast! DS2 does need winding sometimes as he has a poor latch, but generally not at night.

[squizita]

TheScience is that not one of those "I wish they had told me" myths though?
Just asking as in the middle of comparing the leaflets and books against parenting forums and RL friends, and several have told me "they'll say she won't need winding if you BF, but she might well..."

[ilovetosleep]

I was told (and know plenty of mums with windy bf babies)that was a myth about bf babies. Lots of bf babes suffer from reflux too, I don't think that has anything to do with latch?

i think we just hear about the blissful co sleeping from mums whose babies don't suffer! Both my bf babies have had reflux and it continued with my first long after his TT was cut, latch improved - he went on to feed for 2 years so latch obv wasn't an issue. And both always windier at night, I guess they are hungrier,greedier, gulpier...

[Writerwannabe83]

My BF baby suffers awfully with wind!! It has been an absolute nightmare in the past but it seems to be improving. I have to wind him before I lie him down to sleep otherwise he either vomits or just starts screaming. I do hate having to disturb him in his sleepy state in order to wind him but it's the lesser of two evils. However, as science said! it is usually due to a problem with the latch and I do believe that contributed to my baby's wind. I sought out lots of help a few weeks ago regarding my attachment and I think that's why the wind has improved.

[TheScience]

Reflux is to do with an immature valve at the top of the stomach, not latch.

You can usually hear clicking, gulping etc when a baby with a poor latch is swallowing air. If the latch is good then a vacuum should be formed on the breast. Babies can feed for a long time with an imperfect latch, you just adapt to it.