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Breastfeeders - Do you let your dp sleep whilst you feed?

(50 Posts)
york33 Mon 15-Oct-12 02:16:35

I have been asked whether dh makes me a drink or changes nappy etc during night feeds. He doesn't as he works 12 hour days with a long commute.
Surely this is a sensible approach.

HorridHeffalumpsWickedWoozles Mon 15-Oct-12 02:26:33

Mine sleeps. Sometimes I feel like giving him a bit of a prod but really there's no point us both being up when there's not much he can do. Saying that if its a difficult night where DCs aren't settling then I would expect a bit of help. Now, if he were to offer to get up and change nappies, make me a drink etc I would be gobsmacked very grateful smile

I think if they're working then week nights its perfectly reasonable to let them kip, obviously weekends should mean a bit more help though.

humblebumble Mon 15-Oct-12 02:27:26

When my DC were BF'ing my DH didn't ever do anything at night. My DH worked long hours, it didn't seem fair and anyway I was awake anyway.

It's not like DH didn't participate in parenting our DCs. When DC2 arrived my DH slept in the same room as DC1 for almost a year because DC1 got night terrors ( or was just jealous of DC2 ) and couldn't sleep alone.

I got lots of helpful people telling me the best way for DH to parent our DCs, however only you know what works for your family.

Cydonia Mon 15-Oct-12 02:30:25

I agree, what's the point in both of you being awake? DP works nights so I'm on my own 5 nights out of 7, but even at weekends I wouldn't expect him too. He needs to catch up on sleep, he also has a fairly long drive to work so would be dangerous otherwise. Saying that I don't mess around during night feeds anyway, just up to feed in the dark/quiet and straight back to bed so there's not much for him to do.
That's not to say I don't get slightly irked at weekends when he's snoring away next to me and isn't woken by the slightest peep out of DS like I am!

FreelanceMama Mon 15-Oct-12 02:35:55

Absolutely. After I recovered from my c-section, my partner slept while I fed our baby, although I did get him to do a nappy change if it was a stinker! Take a bottle of drink to bed with you and keep some snacks, tissues, etc. handy and let him sleep. That way you can call dibs on naps when he's around.

I thought there's no point both of us losing sleep if it's not necessary. My partner's now on additional paternity leave and I'm working (from home) but still think that if he can sleep, why shouldn't he? It helps me to have a partner who's not a zombie and it's good for our baby. Plus I get to moan about being tired and have no competition : )

Happybunny12 Mon 15-Oct-12 05:00:23

Absolutely DH sleeps. As he is now whilst i am feeding my LO. He wears ear plugs and gets a (mild) telling off from me if he gets up. No point us both being up, and this way he is not a zombie at work. However DH defo pulls his weight, taking LO for much of the grumpy evening session whilst I go to bed early.

MrsNPattz Mon 15-Oct-12 05:36:39

I sleep in the nursery with my little one so hubby can sleep - I think it's only fair if he's working all day and he can't do anything if I'm feeding anyway. He helps more at weekends - roll on Friday lol

ZuleikaD Mon 15-Oct-12 07:54:00

Yup, absolutely - no point both of you being awake.

Cheekychops84 Mon 15-Oct-12 07:58:12

I let mine sleep cause he can't help anyway but I'm up just after him everyday for school run so its like I'm working aswell and I'm back doing a cleaning job in evening (10 wo bub 2 older dc'c) thing that annoyed me is he brought me a cup if tea at 6am on sat and Sunday cause he got up to let the cat out then decided he will stay up to finish painting the bedroom ????? Wtf?

hamncheese Mon 15-Oct-12 08:01:11

Yeah unless DS is being fussy and windy when he wakes and gives him a belly massage to calm him. But then again we cosleep so once he is latched I got back to sleep... If I was sitting up awake I would probably wake him some times to get me stuff hehe

lindsell Mon 15-Oct-12 08:06:32

Dh snores through most night feeds, I also like to keep them quick and quiet as much as possible so wouldn't want drinks etc and try to avoid changing a nappy in the night unless absolutely necessary. I don't see any point in waking dh as there's nothing useful he can do so he might as well get the sleep while he can.

reddaisy Mon 15-Oct-12 08:12:56

Mine sleeps too but our arrangement is that he gets up first with the children in the morning (which is never later than 6am) and I get to sleep until 7am when we all need to start getting ready. And he lets me have a longer lie in at the weekends.

reddaisy Mon 15-Oct-12 08:14:29

I did know someone who woke up her DH during every feed but it always seemed a pointless and a bit mean to me.

BrittaPerry Mon 15-Oct-12 08:14:32

I used to sleep too grin - benefit of co sleeping...

golemmings Mon 15-Oct-12 08:16:06

DH wasn't working last year (still isnt) and he mostly slept whilst I got up to DS. He was responsible for sorting out dd if she woke though.
There were nights that he got up with me to keep me awake because DS had reflux and had to be kept upright after a feed for half an hour and i would invariably fall asleep and ended up spending most of the night slumped on DS's bean bag and maybe 2 hours in my bed.

Now that I am back to work and is home with kids (and DS doesn't feed at night), getting up in the night is DH'a responsibility.

forgottenpassword Mon 15-Oct-12 08:18:59

Mine has always slept too. Makes him far more cheerful and therefore everyone's life better. However, in exchange he does the cooking which is a pretty good bonus. Also, I get him up if one of the older ones needs the loo or some water etc during the night.

LeBFG Mon 15-Oct-12 08:25:57

My DH slept downstairs for the first few months. He doesn't work full time but has a very sensitive sleep clock. If he's disturbed or gets an hour less sleep at night he's really grumpy the next day. I had sleep deprivation and felt resentful about all his lovely undisturbed sleep, not to mention just feeling 'abandoned to it all'. But my brain said, and still does say, it was the right decision for us. There really is no point in having two zombies about the place when one is bad enough. DH helped out in other ways during the day to make my life easier.

He eventually moved back in when I felt happy moving DS's cot next door i.e. when DS was feeding much less at night. I would wake at the smallest sound and went to bf without disturbing DH. Everyone was happy except during sleep regressions/teething

blushingmare Mon 15-Oct-12 10:37:31

Up until about a week ago my DH slept in the spare room. It made sense as he has to work long hours and doesn't cope well with lack of sleep at the best of times. I have to say I don't think it was the best thing for our relationship though as even though I knew it was the best practical option, I couldn't help but feel a bit resentful and like he wasn't sharing in the "experience" - also its amazing how sleeping in separate rooms makes you communicate far less somehow. Now, finally at 4 months, dd and I have mastered the art of feeding in the dark and she seems (^whispers in case sleep regression imps should hear^) to be settling back down after feeds more easily, so DH has moved back in. He sleeps through most of it, which is fine but at least I feel like I'm not on my own.

FireOverBabylon Mon 15-Oct-12 10:44:34

DH slept in the spare room - he had a 70 mile round commute to work. If I needed him, if DS had been sick and needed bathing and bed changing / if I really couldn't get him to sleep, after 2 hours of trying, then I'd get him up but DH would otherwise sleep. He did try and settle DS between 5.30 and 6.15, so when he got up for work, so I could try and get a bit more sleep.

we came to this agreement after DH nodded at the wheel of his car and we realised that we couldn't risk him falling asleep at the wheel.

LunaticFringe Mon 15-Oct-12 10:46:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worldgonecrazy Mon 15-Oct-12 10:48:44

I don't bf anymore but when I did cosleeping meant that we all slept. In the very early days when DD was in her side-car cot he'd make sure that I had my drink and snacks ready before bedtime so he helped in other ways.

JennerOSity Mon 15-Oct-12 10:52:07

Being part of a team of two caring for a baby should be about spreading the load not doubling up for single person tasks which is hardly efficient and reduces capacity for stepping up at other times IMO. The advantage of having a helpful partner is you pull your weight and feel your tiredness at different times to each other so hopefully between the two you will have got it covered.

Unless DP was taking the P and had no appreciation of what your contribution was - but then hopefully you wouldn't have a kid with someone as thoughtless as that!

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Mon 15-Oct-12 10:52:25

Boy, I let him sleep. Life would not be bearable otherwise. Two sleep deprived adults. Not good.

3 DCs. Mine would not have slept in the last 6 years.

The people suggesting are unrealistic. Rather, he could walk baby one his day off while you nap. Now that's something I appreciate. Or other niceties along these lines.

teacher123 Mon 15-Oct-12 12:51:06

We have the arrangement that he sleeps unless I want or need something. Eg if DS is sick all over me and himself (thankfully a rare occurrence) he'll get him changed whilst I get changed. Or if I am having a really bad night I reserve the right to wake him up to make him make me a cup of tea. However like a PP said, night feeds are the epitome of dullness in our house, especially now DS is in his own room. I zombie walk to nursery in the dark, feed DS in the dark, put him back in his cot, zombie walk back to bed. DS is now a very efficient feeder, so am usually out of bed for less than 10 minutes. Was a very different story in the very early days where every feed took an hour, and was very painful. DH used to help me a lot then.

SaBearOz Mon 15-Oct-12 13:00:24

My DH sleeps as I feel there is little point him getting up. We do have a deal however that if DS is hard to settle after a feed I would wake him but as luck would have it, settling has never been an issue.
DH is off work this week and DS is now 8 months and we were considering using this week to see if DH could help settle DS at night without me to see if he is just using BF as a comfort and not really hungry. As it turns out DS has come down with something awful and we are off to the Docs so its unlikely we will try to change things this week.
I personally prefer DH allowing me to go back to sleep on the weekends and look after DS then get up with me and be sleep deprived too

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