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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

My mum died

46 replies

Lollie1606 · 27/03/2019 20:18

I’ve never done this before. I’m lost and broken. My mum died you see and I cant see anything but the consuming fog of sadness and loss. I have this hollow void in my life which nothing, not even my 2 beautiful children and loving husband can fill.
I’m sad. All of the time. I can’t find my way out of this, there is no light nothing.
It has been 45 days and only had th3 funeral on Friday, 5 days ago. It’s worse now than before the funeral. There is just nothing left.

OP posts:

Report

ohfourfoxache · 27/03/2019 20:20

Oh sweetheart I’m so sorry x

No words of advice, I can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through x

KosmoKramer · 27/03/2019 20:22

Me and my sister always used to say that it's like joining a secret club. No one knows the pain and devastation that losing your mum causes.

But I know and I'm so sorry. Thinking of you xx

Lollie1606 · 27/03/2019 20:23

Thank you, it helps to know someone is there to listen.xx

OP posts:

danni0509 · 27/03/2019 20:27

Bless you @Lollie1606

2018SoFarSoGreat · 27/03/2019 20:32

so sorry for your loss Lollie.

This is like nothing else, isn't it? 2 months on for me, yet I'm still finding myself totally bereft. It seems crazy that life goes on but not for her; not for my mum. I keep catching myself with things I should have saved - things that smell of her, of her house. I can see her expressions but can't quite hear her voice unless I concentrate really hard. I can hear her words though.

There will be better days. We will get there.

Sending you a virtual hug and

VelociraptorRex · 27/03/2019 20:34

@Lollie1606 I'm so sorry, it's truly awful, I know. Would you like to tell us something about her? Maybe some nice memories, things that you will recount to your children in years to come?

Nat6999 · 27/03/2019 20:34

I lost my dear dad in January, at the time I was ok, I didn't get upset, not even at the funeral, in a way I felt numb. It's 10 weeks now & I'm getting more upset, having more tears, I miss him desperately, I'm getting a new car next week & I know there will be tears, this is the first car that I won't have had help from him to choose & the first I won't be able to show him & take him for a ride in.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that death affects us all differently & there is no right or wrong way.

sandyposy · 27/03/2019 20:35

I’m so sorry.

AmIBU123 · 27/03/2019 20:35

I'm truly sorry OP

fikel · 27/03/2019 20:42

So very sorry. Sending love. My dear mum passed 4 1/2 years ago and I still miss her. I would say you never get over it but you learn to get through it. It is such early days, allow yourself to grieve. I would often sit on an evening in a hot bath and cry. Write a journal, put your feelings down on paper.
You will find a way, your mum is with you 💐

PlasticPatty · 27/03/2019 20:43

I am sorry for your loss. xx

Samind · 27/03/2019 20:45

So sorry OP💔

Lollie1606 · 27/03/2019 20:50

I am so grateful for your kind messages, thank you. My mum taught us that we should, in some way leave the world better than when we came into it. I am trying to be a kinder, more mindful person in her honour, but it’s just so raw.
Nat6999 I’m sure your dad has equipped you perfectly to choose the right one and he’d love your new car.
People keep saying that mum is here, she’s all around but I can’t feel her, I’ve had no sign and I’m desperately searching for anything that could be her.
It is absolutely like no other feeling on this earth. My heart is broken as I’m sure are all of yours.xx

OP posts:

SoftBlocks · 27/03/2019 20:50

I’m so sorry. I lost my mum twelve years ago and I still think of her and miss her every day. But it gets easier. Look after yourself.

Ginormarse · 27/03/2019 20:55

So sorry OP. My Mum died in October after being diagnosed with kidney cancer in July. Grief is such a lonely place isn't it. Would you like to tell us about your Mum? I find that no one really asks how I am anymore and I don't talk to anyone about how I am feeling. I don't feel I can burden DH with it. It's a big heavy sadness, almost like a physical weight pressing down on me.

fikel · 27/03/2019 20:58

Robins are a sign they say that someone in the spirit world is telling you they’re ok. This is helped me a great deal and robins seem to pop up whenever I am in need

fikel · 27/03/2019 20:59

Has helped me!! Duh

ChipsAreLife · 27/03/2019 21:05

Agree with kosmo you're now part of this secret shitty club.

I lost my mum almost three years ago, it's just starting to get easier. The only thing that got me through was to think of how lucky I was to have such a great mum who loved me and I loved so much.

'Better to have loved and lost then never loved at all' finally made sense.

Be kind to yourself, grief is all consuming and you can't see the light, but you will Day by day it gets a tiny bit better.

VelociraptorRex · 27/03/2019 21:09

@fikel I've never heard that, that's lovely, we have a robin which has recently appeared in our garden, when I've been thinking a lot about my mum, even though she's been gone a few years now that's a curiously comforting thought

Inmyownlittlecorner · 27/03/2019 21:12

I’m so sorry for your loss. My wonderful Mum died 6 months ago & it’s so hard. My sister sees signs from her all over the place, but I feel & see nothing apart from the huge gaping hole that she’s left.
Sending you much love x

Lollie1606 · 27/03/2019 21:18

Ginormarse I hope you have someone there for you, it does feel very lonely.
I’m so grateful to you all for sharing your experiences, I know how hard it must be. We must keep our loved ones alive by talking about them, and sharing our memories of them, let’s face it, that’s all we have left. I can’t get my head around the fact I’ll never see speak or hug her again and that flawes me.
Must try and get some sleep. Thank you everybody, from a lost and lonely soul.xxx

OP posts:

Annunciata333 · 27/03/2019 21:47

I’m so sorry Lollie

My Mum died on Monday but I’m still in the numb/calm/surreal/hasn’t really hit me phase.

Mum loved robins, I’d love to see one but haven’t yet.

Lollie1606 · 27/03/2019 21:57

I am so sorry for your loss Annunciata, I hope you can find some comfort in the memories of your mum. I can’t say it gets easier as it has for me yet...
I saw a robin this morning...I hope it was my mum.xx

OP posts:

6monthsin · 27/03/2019 22:40

You have memories, for sue, but love as well.

I lost my lovely dad 10 months ago after a short but horrible illness. Mostly I get that he’s not here now but the physical and emotional pain is still there, some days more than others, but always there.

I understand the secret club feeling. And it’s a very individual club. Others may be grieving and hurting too, but there’s only so far that that connection goes. Grief is so very personal. It can be lonely. It can be comforting sometimes too.

Take care op. Be gentle with yourself in the weeks to come.

The love and bond you had for and with your mum will remain...

6monthsin · 27/03/2019 22:41

For sure. Not for sue. Don’t know who sue is.

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