I miss my brother

(30 Posts)
SwingingFromTheChanderlier Fri 22-Apr-16 21:58:21

I've had many different usernames on MN. Ive had a tough time in the last couple of years with my own little family but... We have ridden the storm and adversity.

I have struggled forever with the death of my big brother. He died aged 11 of the big C, I was 9. I always will struggle. The memories of his illness are awful to the point I can't remember the good. My young 9 year old self took so much...

I find it so hard to cope, I will never see my bestest bro again, we were so close. Love him forever. Hurts so bad. I'm a big 40 year old now!

The tears are flowing! How do we cope? I suppose I have, but so so painful.

SwingingFromTheChanderlier Fri 22-Apr-16 22:01:35

This is probably not the right place to post this, could you help me in the right direction ;-)

londonrach Fri 22-Apr-16 22:06:27

Swinging...he is still your big brother. You have memories of him when you were just 9 and of course you still miss him. He was taken away too young. i bet he would have loved to have known his little sister at 40 but sadly it wasnt to be. Sounds like he was amazing big brother. Hold onto those memories of him, maybe sharing the funny stories with your dh etc. flowers

GozerTheGozerian Fri 22-Apr-16 22:06:31

Oh you poor thing. I have a younger brother who I adore - I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you growing up. flowers

Perhaps ask for this to be moved to bereavement? It's gentler than AIBU with lots of kind and lovely people.

MrsSimonNeil Fri 22-Apr-16 22:06:52

Hi Swinging, I just wanted to say I Know exactly how you feel. My big brother died in 1996, I was 16 and he was 24. I sometimes struggle to remember anything, as the time was so traumatic. I was thinking tonight, listening to all the Prince music today has really transported me back to my childhood and reminded me of my big brother smile he introduced me to a lot of music as he was so much older than me. Do you have anything like that that connects the two of you?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Fri 22-Apr-16 22:12:37

It doesn't matter how big and old you are. Pain greif heartache does not discrminate against age. You're never too old to feel lost and emotionally cut up.
You have a damn good cry. (((((((()))))))))))
flowers. So sorry for your loss. You were.9 years old. Just a baby really, and you had to witness your brother fade away infront of your eyes. Thats something youll never, ever get over, Swing.
He seems like he was a wonderful and protective big brother. I'm sure he's watching over his little sister and beaming with pride at the wonderful women you have surely became.
There is a bereavement section. However
There is more traffic on chat, so I'd ask MNHQ to move it over to chat. X

SwingingFromTheChanderlier Fri 22-Apr-16 22:16:17

Oh MrsSimonNeil that's what's got me started! He died in the 80's sad sadsad

I'm in general ok but then something happens or reminds me and I'm floored. My DS is close approaching the age my DB was when he finally passed (he was a tough cookie and fought it all the way) and it's also bringing it all back to me.

Thanks all

RunswickBay Fri 22-Apr-16 22:18:41

I'm so sorry. That sounds incredibly tough. Have you had any counselling?

NoMilkNoSugar Fri 22-Apr-16 22:21:14

flowers take one day at a time. It's ok to miss him xx

SwingingFromTheChanderlier Fri 22-Apr-16 22:22:46

No. I pretended it hadn't happened. If you knew me as a 9 year old and didn't know you wouldn't of had a clue.

MrsSimonNeil Fri 22-Apr-16 22:24:29

Me too swinging, I went to school the next day sad I still don't mention it, I doubt many of my friends no I had a brother which makes me sad. Crazy isn't it!

RunswickBay Fri 22-Apr-16 22:29:07

Perhaps some counselling now might help?

SwingingFromTheChanderlier Fri 22-Apr-16 22:30:30

MrsSimonNiel so sorry for you too X
My DB passed in the 6 week summer holidays. School were good apart from when they sent me out of the room to 'tell' the class but I was still in earshot sad

I wish people wouldn't say things happen for a reason! Why would a innocent, friendly and funny boy be wiped out? Please explain.,.

Bagatelle1 Fri 22-Apr-16 22:32:50

So sorry for your loss flowers. I lost a very close relation young too, although his death was very sudden. I try to talk to my DC about him so that he's more than a name, remember the happy times and keep his memory alive. I find it helps a little. I'm thinking of you x

SwingingFromTheChanderlier Fri 22-Apr-16 22:33:34

Obviously I appreciate your help and support ( I wouldn't post here otherwise!). But, no I'm it the type to seek counselling, even if needed.

Pinkheart5915 Fri 22-Apr-16 22:34:02

Very sorry to hear of your loss flowers heart breaking him being so young life can be very cruel

cleanmachine Fri 22-Apr-16 22:34:52

Aw so sorry for your loss. Sounds like he was a great little boy.

AvaCrowder Fri 22-Apr-16 22:41:08

I think bringing your children up and past touch point ages, or for me becoming older than my big sister can unleash emotions. My parents are great with me about my sister. Really kind and that helps a lot.

SwingingFromTheChanderlier Fri 22-Apr-16 22:46:52

My parents will happily talk about my brother but can't talk about his illness. I however find it hard to remember beyond that time. We all loved him and we all forever will.

DB was made of hard stuff, he knew his time was up and I remember him telling me a silly story trying to explain it all. Unfortunately it made sense in the end sad

Love my brother F and A X

Sophia1984 Fri 22-Apr-16 22:52:36

I'm so sorry for your loss :-( I can't imagine losing my brother, especially at that age - it's such a formative time. The Bereavement boards on here are really great - I hope you can find some support there x

Strokethefurrywall Fri 22-Apr-16 22:52:49

I miss my brother too OP, I know exactly how you feel. I'm giving you and all others on this thread a virtual hug.

I lost my baby brother in 2012. He was only 28, just married to the love of his life. Had cancer and died 16 months later. I look at pictures of him and it is utterly unfathomable to me that my youngest DS2, who looks so much like him, has never met him. How DS1, who was 9 months old when his uncle died, has no idea how much his uncle loved him. They only had the chance to meet 3 times as I live overseas and flew back as often as I could before he passed. How their last meeting, of baby DS1 reaching out for his uncle only days before his uncle's death and resting their foreheads against each other is forever ingrained in my memory.

I look at photos of him when he was healthy and I get a heady rush of "feeling" where I hear his voice in my head, his laughter, I can see the shape of his hands, I can even smell him. And it is utterly overwhelming to me that he is no longer with us. Even nearly 4 years after he left us.

And if I'm honest, I don't think I ever want that feeling to go away. Because for me, to miss him is to remember him. I make myself look past the terrible memories of his suffering and I instead conjure up the happy memories of him laughing and joking.

Grief is painful and it rips a hole in your soul that is often impossible to heal. Much like scar tissue from a serious wound, it may have healed over but it still hurts terribly when you touch it even though it's not as raw as it once was.

Be kind to yourself OP thanks

SwingingFromTheChanderlier Fri 22-Apr-16 22:54:01

As an earlier poster said the passing of Prince has hit me (the timeline). The fact he performed and wrote Nothing Compares To You (sinead o'connor) makes it harder- I shed loads of tears over that beautiful but haunting song.

Music aside after nearly 30 years it hurts sad

CointreauVersial Fri 22-Apr-16 22:57:03

This thread has brought a tear to my eye. It must be so hard to lose a sibling. flowers He only stayed in your life for a short while, but will always be a part of you.

SwingingFromTheChanderlier Fri 22-Apr-16 22:57:07

I think I still process my grief through my the 9 yr old self. Thanks Stroke x

FearOfFlying Fri 22-Apr-16 22:57:15

Have a hug from me, Swinging thanks It must be heartbreaking.sad

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