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Lost my baby boy ...

(70 Posts)
marietje Fri 14-Sep-12 18:56:10

I've never posted on here before but I just wanted to write this down. I feel so incredibly sad and I can't believe this happened to us.

I was 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant last Saturday when I went to the hospital with painful contractions. I got checked and my baby's heartbeat as well as everything else was fine, but I was only 1cm dilated so went home. When I went back the next afternoon with increasingly painful and frequent contractions, they couldn't find his heartbeat any more, even though I felt him move that morning and he had his usual hiccups. From then on everything just seemed like a very bad dream, although I somehow managed to stay very calm throughout. Everybody in the hospital was very supportive and understanding, and I had a great doula, but the reality hit after he was born the next morning.

My husband and I saw him, held him and we called him Oskar. He looked like he was just asleep and he is the most beautiful and sweet little boy I've ever seen.

It's only a few days ago and I know it's going to be a long and hard process, but right now I'm not sure how we can survive this.

Thanks for reading...

xmasevebundle Fri 28-Sep-12 02:50:44

Im so sorry for your loss.

Memory book like op said would be lovely.

Scan photos, a photo of him, his blanket if you had one?

Im sure oskar will be forever in your heart.

Much love xx

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Thu 20-Sep-12 10:22:30

I am so very, very sorry for your loss.

Sending you love and strength x

sleepingbunnies Sun 16-Sep-12 20:08:23

We set off lanterns every year to remember my neice and we always visit her grave on her birthday. My mum died when
I was 4 and she was buried with her nanny which makes us feel better.

Me and my sister will get together occasionally and just spend an evening talking about her and looking through her memory book. I just bought her a gorgeous keepsake box to keep all her stuff in. It's stuff like this that helps us xx

onedev Sun 16-Sep-12 18:47:19

I am so very sorry for your loss. RIP Oskar.

marietje Sun 16-Sep-12 18:36:04

It's very good to know that we're not alone in this heartbreaking situation, but I'm also so sorry to hear about everybody else's losses.

The funeral is on Wednesday and although I know that it's going to be incredibly difficult we both feel that it's very important to do things properly for Oskar's sake. Our families can't be there, but I had a chat with my mum today about doing something for Oskar in my home country. She said that he is part of our family now and my husband (T) said the same thing last night: it is no longer the two of us, it's going to be the three of us forever.

We still have some time to think about this, but what would you do in a similar situation to remember your baby with your family? We're not religious and although my family-in-law (who live in yet another country) is we prefer to keep things completely secular.


marietje Sun 16-Sep-12 18:24:45

Dear Sleepingbunnies, no don't worry, I didn't see your comment in that way. Right now it feels like our world is falling apart and it seems everything 'normal' is happening in a parallel universe. It is good to know that we'll cope at some point.

mamalovebird Sat 15-Sep-12 22:31:29

So sorry for your loss.

RIP Oskar x

expatinscotland Sat 15-Sep-12 22:29:07

marie, please feel free to join us no the thread MiaAlexandrasmummy linked.

We're here to support one another as other parents whose children have died.xx

sleepingbunnies Sat 15-Sep-12 22:16:07

I hope my 'you will get through this' hasn't come across as uncaring or harsh! All I meant to say was it is such early days but slowly and surely you will have good days.

You will never forget him and he will always be with you.

So sorry you are going through this - far too many families go through it :-(

SANDS is an excellent site and they hold an annual London Christmas service which we always go to for my niece. Our little way of having a Christmas with her :-(


cheesesarnie Sat 15-Sep-12 22:01:54

sad marietje, I'm so sorry.

Rest in peace precious little Oskar.

My heart goes out to you and your husband.

matildawormwood Sat 15-Sep-12 21:54:53

I am so sorry to hear about your precious boy. I lost my longed-for baby boy four months ago when I was 38 weeks pregnant. I genuinely did not know how I was supposed to go on living without him but somehow you find the strength. It's so hard and so unfair, but there is lots of support and understanding from women who have been through the same on here if you want it. You are not alone xxx

chipmonkey Sat 15-Sep-12 21:50:36

You poor love. I know the pain far too well. I lost my little girl to SIDs last year.
Do join us on the thread Mias linked to.
Oskar is a beautiful name xxxx

TeamEdward Sat 15-Sep-12 21:27:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesprouts Sat 15-Sep-12 21:26:58

so sorry sad

Pyjamadonkey Sat 15-Sep-12 21:24:24

So sorry for your and your family's loss. My heart goes out to you. X

changeforthebetter Sat 15-Sep-12 21:19:00

I am so sorry for the loss of little Oskar (which is wonderful name). Wishing you strength and support for the days ahead.

sleepingbunnies Sat 15-Sep-12 21:15:57

You know what, you will get through this. Its heartbreaking, devestating and utterly lonely at times but you will find a strength you never knew you had.

I have never lost a child but we lost my neice 3 years ago to stillbirth. She was full term and the most beautiful little girl ever. I was 35 weeks pregnant at the time with my PFB.

You have some difficult days ahead but keep talking about your beautiful little boy who is playing with all the other angels up above in the stars.

Wishing you gentle days


LouMacca Sat 15-Sep-12 18:35:54

So, so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you and your DH sad

expatinscotland Sat 15-Sep-12 18:32:06

So, so very sorry for your loss.xx

HairyPotter Sat 15-Sep-12 18:31:16

I am so very sorry for your loss. Oskar is a beautiful name. xx

Doyouthinktheysaurus Sat 15-Sep-12 18:30:57

Oh, I am so sorry for the loss of your little onesad

Oskar is a beautiful name.

EverlongYouAreGoldAndOrange Sat 15-Sep-12 18:27:20

Oh sweetheart I'm so sorry.


moreyear Sat 15-Sep-12 11:53:58

I am so sorry for your terrrible loss. Words seem so trite but darling Oskar is forever at peace and you are both in my thoughts. xx

mumof2teenboys Sat 15-Sep-12 11:53:24

So sorry for your loss, Oskar is a beautiful name. My thoughts and love are with you and your husband now.

marietje Sat 15-Sep-12 11:29:16

I'm so touched by all your messages... It's good to know that we're not alone.

I found out very late that I was pregnant so it was all very much unexpected and the last few months have been a rollercoaster in many ways. Even before he was born I loved him so much - I never expected these feelings to be so strong. I think the first thing I said when I found out was that I loved the baby so much (I didn't know yet whether it was a boy or a girl). The midwife who saw me the night before had a chat with me and it was so good just to say this. These feelings are a bittersweet consolation for me and my husband (and I know he feels the same) and I know I will love him forever. Knowing that we will never forget him is also a consolation, so he will be with us forever.

It's a great help for me to write these things down and I might also ask you some questions when I'm ready.

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