How many times do you tell them to do stuff before they actually do it?

[emmatmg]

Sorry, I know I've got load of threads going at the moment but I feel like I'm failing miserabley at everything I try.


The title says it all really but today I have had to shout everything I asked them after the same thing was asked (as in spoken) about 5-6 times. They only way they respond, answer, do whatever I've asked is if i've shouted it at the top of my voice.


It's driving me bloody mad.

[makealist]

At 7 years old, about 2 or 3 times.

At 14 years old, about 2 or 3 times a minute, every hour, every day, every week!!!!

And still, he doesn't make his bed, put his dirty washing in the basket, pick up wet towels off the floor......on and on the list goes

[Caligula]

142

[milosmum]

my 4 yr old DS had to be told at least to the point where the neighbours also know what i want him to do! {grin]

[Twiglett]

let me see now

many x lots

[mummyhill]

Deffinatly get more of a reaction by talking to the cat rather than dd

[Blackduck]

I give up counting....

[zaphod]

Funny you should ask, as dh and i have just been discussing this. About 4 - 5 times. Thank God it isn't just my children.

[Caligula]

I find if I say quietly "do you want some chocolate?" they suddenly pay attention. And then I can tell them what it is I want them to do.

[milosmum]

looks like to overall concensus is A HELL OF A LOT!!!

[KBear]

77 times at least

I start sentences by saying "who wants chocolate?" to get their attention then "pick up the toys", "do your spellings" or whatever it is!!!

[edgetop]

i feel like i should tape my voice i get sick of saying the same things all the time.i,m going through a stage if he is not getting my 100% attention he shouts or damages things around him.help he is 4/6

[emmatmg]

well, it's kind of nice to know that it's not just my house but I was really hoping for a miracle and someone knowing how to save my voice from shouting.


The chocolate thing only works if there some in the house, if I said that and there wasn't any the concequences would be a nightmare......they'd be whinging and moaning and maoning and whinging and then some more.

[Tortington]

ask three times then negative sanction but state this first
" i am going to ask you no more than three times to tidy your room. i will be up every ten minutes and i want to see a difference. on the third time, you are not allowed on puter or ps2, or telly, or hour early for bed" or whatever.

[Tortington]

and emma - the secret to showing you are very very anoyed is to speak very quietly and deliberatly and in my case more posh!

[emmatmg]

Actually, custy, that does work and I have lost it many times with them and virtually whispered the "threats" to them.


They almost shake when I get that mad!

[Tortington]

lol i turn into my mother literally - go all posh and very calmly say "how......dar.......you"

[fqueenzebra]

Haven't read the whole thread, but the things I find that help (a lot) are:

make them make eye contact while you're speaking to them
insist that they repeat back to you what you've asked them to do

ask them "how much trouble would you like to be in!?" if they still don't do what I've said!!

[charliecat]

Twice, once when I mention what id like them to do and they ignore me and the second time I end it with and if you dont you will have no pudding/tv/chocolate/video/friend round...or whatever is it they have had thier hearts set on.

[Nightynight]

he he its not just me then.
I sometimes get to the stage where I decide to double the time intervals between repeating mzself just so that I can reduce the number of repetitions.

[Nightynight]

b*z german kezboard!

[swedishmum]

ds has a poor short term memory to do with his dyslexia so I've started to get him to repeat instructions. It's helping. My girls don't have the same excuse. I'm too soft!

[Sugarmag]

oh my goodness i think about a zillion! it's so bad with dd (4) that dh and I had to sit down and try to work out some new strategies last night. have tried shouting at the top of my lungs but just end up feeling bad (and with a sore throat!). Have tried various threats (no telly/chocolate/friends to play etc) but find that i'm not good with spur of the moment threats. they either end up being something really silly like 'if you don't put your shoes on I wont' tie your laces for you' - queue smirk on dd's face - or hard to follow through on - am I really going to phone friend's mum at last minute and cancel playdate thus punishing dd adn friend and myself and friend's mum?

So as of today the new strategy for dealing with dd's "listening problem" is to start confiscating toys every time she doesn't listen. she'll be told what's expected, if she doesn't listen she'll be reminded (warned) of the consequences adn if she still doesn't listen dh or myself choose a toy from her room to go away until further notice. (we haven't quite worked out yet how she gets them back but will deal with that when/if her behaviour starts to improve)

I should add that it's not simply a case of having to ask her 3 or 4 (or 10) times to do something. It's most often the case that even after 3 or 4 or 10 times she still refuses, sometimes by just plain ignoring us and sometimes by flat-out refusing ('i don't have to do what you say!!!').

So wish us luck!

[Shout]

I have used most of the tactics suggested on this thread. They work about 70% of the time, however I do feel as if I am for ever punishing my DS of 7 and he doesn't seem to learn.

This evening he wacked me so hard on the back it took the wind out of me and left his hand print on my back. All because I said he couldn't have his sweets until after dinner because he had been nasty to his 2yr old brother.

I immediately sent him to the naughty stair, followed by a spell in his room when he didn't seem to appreciate the gravity of what he'd done.

I also told him he would have to wait for me to discuss the punishment with his father which is worrying him. I don't know what it should be.

He appears to always feel so hard done by.Whilst we don't give him as much as some of his friends get he has a lot more experiences and comfort than many kids in the same road.

any thoughts!