get dressed please. get dressed please. get dressed please

[SenoraPostrophe]

just wondering how many times you have to ask your 3 yr old to do something. Sometimes dd just acts as if I'm not there. I think it'd be less frustrating if she just said "NO".

[ThePrisoner]

... hmmm ... don't think I can be of much use ... my 3 yr olds are now late teens and nothing much has changed ...

[moondog]

Repeating never works. They become habituated to the maternal drone
Repeat once,then physically prompt.
My trick is always to (pretend to)leave the house.

[giraffeski]

Message withdrawn

[SenoraPostrophe]

moondog - I'm highly tempted to actually leave the house.

[BadHair]

I spend most of the day repeating the phrase "please would you put some toys away", "please would you put some toys away", occasionally varying it to "OK, it's tidy up time now", and usually culminating in "IT IS TIDY UP TIME RIGHT NOW".

And I still end up tripping over Playmobil.

[moondog]

BadHair,after second attempt,grasp your child's arm firmly and physically prompt to pick up the toys,without saying anything.When it's all been done,leave the room with no further comment.

Obviously very young children are not going to resond like robots but seriously,the repetition thing is worse than useless.

I am a Behaviourist in my approach.

[BadHair]

Thanks Moondog I'll give that a go.
I have to confess that I do usually end up threatening a (whisper it) smacked bottom, but the only result is that they quickly put two trucks away then run round shouting "smack my bottom"! The neighbours must wonder what they're up to.
If I get really sick of repeating myself I just confiscate the toys for the rest of the day.

[moondog]

'lol' at the 'smack my bottom' thing!
Seriously,good luck, and remember that nonoe listens to a droner (sorry!!!Hope that doesn't sound rude.)

[Fran1]

My dd is notorious for this, shes 2.5. If i ask her to get dressed in the morning, she says where are we going? Like we only have to get dressed if we are going out! Or she says but my pj's are clean, thinking she can wear them all day.
I give her three chances, then worn her if she doesn't get dressed, i'll do it for her. Sometimes it works, othertimes i pin her down and force her clothes onto her. Feel wicked doing it, but often i'm rushing to go to work and have to get her dressed.

[BadHair]

Not at all rude, Moondog. In fact I bore myself when I go on at them.

[MaryP0p1]

I attended a positive behaviour course once and one of the things that was suggested that I found useful with my own children is don't use please. Please is a passive word is suggests the authority lies with the child and the child has a choice. Use Thank you, ie. Thank you for tidying your toys (before they have even started) Get dressed thank you. In my experience it works even with a three year old (nothing works all the time though).

[basketcase]

Interesting about the please. Personally we aim to use it as often as possible because I want my children to use it as often as possible, along with plenty of thank yous and praise. I think it is more about tone of voice and authority than just the language used. I guess what works in one home might not work in another but don?t like the idea of "ordering" my child around to do chores, much rather be firm and say something like "you have left your lego out again, go upstairs right now and tidy it all away please.." I think we all respond to please and thank you more positively and find it really interesting that a positive behaviour course would suggest dropping the please. Love to know what others thought as not for a mintue suggesting my opinion is correct over the "experts". Maybe I am wrong?

[MaryP0p1]

Whats the difference between

'you have left your lego out again, go upstairs right now and tidy it all away please.."

and

you have left your lego out again, go upstairs right now and tidy it all away thank you.."

It still polite and direct but not pleading and giving the child the choice for you to go and tidy the toys. Really and truly you're not really giving them the choice but your languange is suggesting they have one....

[basketcase]

A lot of time when my children don?t listen to me I think I am too vague in my instructions - eg. "tidy your room" is too much for my 4 yr old. She needs specifics and tasks broken down such as told to go upstairs and pick her soft toys up and put onto the bed. Then get praise for doing it and told to pick up the lego next etc. etc. If I just tell her to do the lot she doesn?t even bother to start. Same with getting dressed - if I tell her to take her pjs off and put some pants on she will do it, then I can tell her to choose a T shirt etc. but just "get dressed" and she doesn?t seem to know where to start or doesn?t even try. Not sure about the logic involved but seems to be rather like her dad. If I was going out and just said "look after the girls" I would come home to them all sitting round watching tv - I have to be specific, tell him what to make for tea, where it is, to give them a bath, get pjs on, read a story etc.

[MaryP0p1]

That was another thing that was pointed out during the course which I use. Preparation was another i.e. you want them to get dressed get the clothes ready before asking.

[basketcase]

Interesting thought Marypop. (love the name!) Never considered it as pleading before, don?t think my children would either. I think it must be a personal thing. I hate to hear people usign the thank you tactic before a task is done as that psychological way of almost putting them "into emotional debt" (I know that is the wrong way to put it so please don?t pick me up on it, just not finding the words to explain it very well). I remember my mum standing at the bottom of the stairs, hands of hips telling us to "do our homework thank you very much" and "come downstairs right now and do our chores, thank you very much!" and used to really annoy us -so maybe it is just me remembering a certain tone of voice and the slightly shril "thank you very much" trotted out at the end of a sentence, knowing she wasn?t thanking us at all, just ordering us to do it or there will be trouble. Saying that, 99% of the time, we did as we were told

[MaryP0p1]

I understand your meaning but that thank you method is NOT supposed to be used like that it supposed to be used in the same tone as you would use please. The reasoning is to take the pressure/confrontation out of the message.

[basketcase]

I think I might have a little experiment today and give the "thank you" instead of please a try for a few times and see how DD1 responds (DD2 too young really). I am open to new ideas as she is far from a perfect little angel (and gorgeous as she is) and will welcome a new technique if it works. Will try to do it calmly and with authority without sounding like my mum. Gonna wait for DH to wake up (working late again) so that I have an objective "witness" and someone to give it a spin as well for a bit of consistency. Just made up a new star chart last night so should tie in well with a bit of positive reinforcement

[MaryP0p1]

Good luck and let me know how you get on...

[basketcase]

thanks - I will
Gonna sign off for a bit, get the girls organised, tidy up a bit and then take them out for a nice walk and feed the ducks.

[MaryP0p1]

How did it go????

[happymerryberries]

moondog, lol at you being a behaviorist! Skinner rules!

re toys in our house i use a black bin bag. ask once, a k louderthen it is bin bag time. toys get put away for a week if they don't get picked up.

[misdee]

i count to five.


dd2 will you please get your dress back on.' dd2 ignores me.

'1....2......3.....4....' dd2 goes to get her dress. i dont know what i;d do if i get to 5 tho

[happymerryberries]

Mine used to yell, 'don't count Mummy!'. Nothing ever happened at 3! But they thought it would!!!!

[misdee]

dd1 who is 5 yells. 'you dont need to count, i'm doign it!!!!' PMSL. if only they knew we wouldnt know what to do.