Hello,
I am new here (aside from a couple of posts about feeding), I usually post on another board but know people very well there and feel a bit ashamed of what I am about to say, was really hoping for impartial advice as I feel I am cracking up
I have a 16 wk old DD and I just feel things are getting harder and harder. In my darkest toughest moments I wonder what the hell possessed me to have children and reminisce over my old childfree life. Don't get me wrong, I love DD more than anything in the whole world, but it's just so difficult
It was tough from the start as due to f**k ups at the hospital and generally rubbish support and advice DD didn't latch on to feed - it became a majorly big issue for me and the first 4 weeks were a blur of expressing, bottle feeding and trying desperately to get her to latch on as she screamed at the breast
Then she did amaingly latch on and then despite the expressing my milk supply wasn't enough so I spent 3 weeks doing various things to increase my supply. It worked but all I can remember about the first 7 weeks are the feeding issue, it overshadowed everything. Then when she was eventually exclusively breastfed her sleeping was so messed up she fed every 1.5 to 2 hours round the clock (as opposed to going 3-4 hours when she was bottlefed!). It has been every 2 hours at night since then and to say I am exhausted is an understatement.
Before I just kind of got on with it and the daytime made up for the lack of sleep, however last week we had a reprieve and she slept 7-1, then waking at 4 and then 7, to me absolute heaven. I was really happy, DD was happy and I thought we had come through the tough start
This week however she has become like a child possessed, waking up completely at night to play and not going back to sleep, grumpy nearly all the time in the daytime unless I'm holding her, I can get her to nap but she wakes up after 40 minutes, obviously still tired but I can't get her back to sleep no matter what I try so I get her up then she needs to go back down 45 minutes later. The smiles and playing and happiness that made it all worth while seems to be gone and she just grizzles continously. I wondered if she had an ear infection or something else wrong but been to drs and she is fine.
I know these are all phases, but one difficult phase seems to be replaced with another and I seem to be continuously wishing time away. my friends who complain that their baby only sleeps from 7-4 are really getting to me as well. I just feel like I am continously doing things wrong, especially when the books I have read(you'll be able to guess the ones!) tell me that I have got into bad habits, or am making mistakes
The worst thing about it is that my DP who was keeping me calm and sane is now really getting down by the broken nights and the general grumpiness so I don't even have him to cheer me up, in fact it's become the other way round!
Please someone tell me it all gets better and is worth it, I feel like a bad person for even feeling like this when I have been given such a gorgeous gift. I just never realised it would be this hard
Sorry for the length and general rant, just makes me feel better getting it all down
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Finding motherhood so difficult, wondering if I am cut out for it...
27 replies
rosycheeks81 · 18/06/2009 14:02
OP posts:
DwayneDibbley ·
18/06/2009 15:36
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