15 month old dd is driving me crazy and making me sad

[ilovetochat]

everything is a battle, getting dressed this morning took half an hour as she had to fight with me over every item of clothing and has taken to running off during nappy changes and physically ripping off nappy. She keeps pulling the wet clothes off the airer and then tantrums (throws herself on the floor and kicks) when i take the clothes off her. I talk to her and explain what we are doing and get her to help with jobs and then play again but she seems really naughty all of a sudden. She headbuts backwards when she doesn't want to be picked up and it's a fight to get her in the buggy or carseat. Other babies seem so placid compared to her. The worst thing is i am not enjoying her as much as i want to and today was looking forward to her naptime . She is an angel for dp when he gets home from work.

[Bienchen]

sounds like you are having a rough time. DD is 20 months and has her moments, too.

Can you change anything about her routine in the morning. DD now has her milk in bed, followed by a little play in her bed, then change and downstairs for breakfast. Could she be teething? Maybe she is a bit too young to understand what you are explaining?

[Leoloopydoo]

Welcome to toddlerdom!
No advice, just sympathies!

I think we all look forward to the naptimes!

[ilovetochat]

no signs of any new teeth for ages now, it's like she has found her feet and independence and wants everything her own way. In the morning she has bf in bed and then we play a little bit with teddies, then i get dressed and she plays in her cot happily but when i get her out to get her washed and dressed she just wants to run about like a mad thing. She never tires and literally runs round the house all day. I take her out to classes 3 times a week and we see friends and go to the park so i try and give her opportunity to burn off energy but she is non stop.

[ilovetochat]

at play groups she is th smallest there and is meek and lets them all take toys away and push her around, then at home she is a fighter. when i try and kiss or cuddle her she pushed me away and will hit or pinch you, i don't know where she gets it from and i don't understand why she hates affection?

[ohIdoliketobebesidethe]

Sounds like my dd2. I like to think that the earlier they start tantrums the earlier they finish - no idea if this is true. Also you'll start to see more of her personality shining through - so if you can bear with it there are plus sides.

[ohIdoliketobebesidethe]

I'm sure she doesn't hate affection - she's just too busy for it in the day. Had that with our dds too.

[ilovetochat]

her personality can be lovely when she dances to music and brings books to read and when she plays boo and laughs her head off, but when she gets mischievous she is relentless and doesn't know how/when to stop.
i think she is too busy for affection and too busy to be picked up.

[meandmyjoe]

I thought they were all like this???! My 14 month old ds is adorable when he's getting his own way and allowed to run about and explore but try moving him away from somthing or saying he can't have something he wants then wow- all hell breaks lose!

He only wants kisses and cuddles if he initiated it, he often comes and kisses me but if I give him a kiss or cuddle he just pushes me away and runs off. He just wants to be in control of what he does and when.

All my friend's babies are the same now. She just sounds like a busy, aware, spirited little girl and yes- we deffinitely look forward to nap times in this house!

[Leoloopydoo]

Ilovetochat, she sounds adorable and it sounds as if you are doing a great job!

I find that it is an absolute must to go outside in the morning. My (20month) dts get pushed and dragged up hills, across fields, i make them walk, kicking, screaming, throwing themselves on the ground, they will walk. That way I find they are more controllable in the afternoon and are more likely to play a bit calmer.

I also have the affection thing, but with 3 LOs there is always one that needs a cuddle.

The fighting to get dressed and nappy changes is exhausting and I feel like i have done a whole days work by the time I have got them all dressed in the morning. I confess that I hold them down, trap them between my legs, anything to get it over with quickly. With ds1 (3.8), if he messes around when I am trying to dress him I walk away and tell him to dress himself, if he wants my help he can let me know when he is ready.

I realise that I have to start doing time-out with the dts. I used to put ds1 on the sofa but I'm pretty sure it won't work with the dts and they wil have to go to their bedroom.

[Tillyscoutsmum]

Iloveochat - it all sounds perfectly normally. DD is 18 months and can be somewhat.... errrm.... spirited as well. I think its just them finding their feet and realising they have a little bit of independence.

No advice really but just wanted to say that I definitely look forward to nap time and rarely get cuddles either (albeit she's always got big kisses and cuddles for Daddy )

[ilovetochat]

thank you all, it's good to hear it is normal, i know it's daft but i sometimes really think she doesn't love me only daddy and it breaks my heart as i am always here with her. Dp at work tonight and she has been good, had stories, bath, milk and straight to sleep so i suppose i can be grateful that all that diving on pillows after dinner has worn her out, and me too .
what do you do when it's raining and you are stuck in?

[Bienchen]

I still take DD out, buggy and raincover, mainly because we have to walk the dog. Will also look into swimming classes or M&T swimming.

[charliesweb]

Ilovetochat I just wanted to add my sympathies. DS2 has been really hard work since birth!!! (He is 16 months now). Honestly if someone hadn't already taken the name 3andnomore I think that would be mine. He is headstrong, determined and stubborn. My days are exhausting he seems to constantly want to do the things I don't want him to like scribble all over the walls, chase the dog, climb onto the sofa and then onto the window ledge and run up and down etc. He seems to fight with me about everything.

But....

He is an amazing little boy with a stunning smile and a great sense of humour. I am hoping that alot of his frustration is because he can't tell me want he wants (although I suspect there will be arguments when he can talk!)

Anyway to end my ramblings I also think that some children are born with a spirit to explore and challenge the world around them. DS2 has hit me like a tornado I can honestly say that my first to were not at all like him.

[ilovetochat]

as soon as dd found she could move nothing was safe and she will go on and on trying to get what she wants, i have resorted to a playpen when she is tantruming i chuck her in till she is done (not literally chuck). She does learn quickly though, like she says hot when she passes the oven or radiators and steers round them.
she loves tidy time and puts all her toys in the box, but then again she doesn't know how to stop as she is having fun so the remotes go in too, then newspapers out the rack then cushions off the settee, aaagh. it's funny once but not over again.

[Leoloopydoo]

ilovetochat, the dcs don't care if its raining. Get waterproofs - trousers and jacket (H&M have very good cheap ones), welly boots and go out in the rain. The cold and wet uses up more energy so you don't ahve to be outside for longer than you can bear it, but I find its also good for my mood as well.
Swimming is also a great way to burn off energy. Any indoor playcentres near you?

Of course she loves you. I think kids at this age go through a daddy phase, give her space and don't get upset about it, when she wants daddy just leave them and take the time for yourself. Just be pleased that she does like him so much and that they have a great relationship.

A lot of the behaviour is testing how you react to things she does. And it feels as if it will last forever, but all these things are just a phase.

We do the tidying away but as soon as the box ot full one of them tips it over again - I feel your frustration!!!!

[ilovetochat]

there are playcentres but i don't like going on my own and most of my friends work and the ones i know from classes i tend just to see them there. I take her swimming at the weekend with dp but perhaps now she is older i could manage to go on my own i the week, it's such a faff getting us both ready and struggling with the lockers and then she won't sit/stand while i sort the stuff out so it needs 2 of us really.
this morning we went to a halloween party (she had been awake 2 till 5 last night so i had a ready made witch outfit on) and she loves her pumpkin outfit so i thought she would get ready eagerly but we still had the running off and i lose my temper with her, she ended up crying and being pinned down to get changed and it's another bad start to the day.

[Elsie123]

Hi - you also have all my sympathy. I honestly believe this is just what they do. I feel the same sometimes - i mean about the not enjoying - and then I feel so guilty. Then I get myself together and realise that if i WAS enjoying the battle of will being played out over getting dressed, leaving the playground, doing anything different to what my DS wants to do, there might actually be something wrong with me! These are not the bits we enjoy, these are the bits we can't explain to anyone without children - but if we did, mankind would have perished millions of years ago! Enjoy the good bits, and reassure yourself that no LO (no matter what their parents say) is perfect all the time..x

[ilovetochat]

i think you are probably right, thanks, they are probably all like it at one point and no-one can enjoy every minute i suppose.
I've always wanted to be a mom and i feel like i'm not as good at it as i wanted to be but perhaps my expectations were a bit unrealistic.

[meandmyjoe]

Oh I love to chat, your last message is so how every mum feels I'm sure. We all thought we were going to be fantastic parents with the 'model' baby but the honest truth is that most (if not all) babies/ toddlers are like this. My ds never stays still, fights nearly every nappy change, hates getting dressed, struggles to get out his high chair, never just sits and wants a cuddle unless poorly. Both the other toddlers I know of this age are exactly the same. They are all awful, lol! Don't forget that her screaming and pushing you away is just her expressing herself in the only way she can. I know it's irritating though. For what its worth I had to kneel (gently!) on my ds this morning to change his nappy. It won't last forever, she's growing up all the time.

[ilovetochat]

i am glad i am a sahm because it suits us but i sometimes think if i worked a bit i would get a chance to miss dd and then i would appreciate her more when i saw her and not be so short tempered. i couldn't do it for financial reasons and also when i leave her for an hour i feel like part of me is missing but we are always together and it does get a bit much sometimes. I think i love her so much that when she pushes me away or fights i take it too personal.

[meandmyjoe]

I feel the same. I miss him like hell when his daddy is off work and takes him out for an hour or two but also I kind of wish I had chance to work and actually miss him, rather than just feel like at the end if the day I've over dosed on him.

[ilovetochat]

i found the crusing age terrible as i had to follow her and catch her when she fell (all the time), then when she walked it was great as she was more independent but with it came this temper.

[DoubleToilandTroubleBluff]

ilovetochat - i remeber those days. They don't last that long. Now mine are school age i am reading your post thinking ' awwwwww I wish mine were like that'
I know it's hard work but iit is also a lovley time where the reallly develop their personality.
Don't sweat the small stuff and enjoy what you can.

[ilovetochat]

that's what worries me, i am going to be sitting here soon, dd will be at nursery and i will be wishing i had enjoyed it more and stopped bloody moaning all the time. I love kids and I love her but why can't i enjoy her more?

[jlh69]

Sounds just like my 15 mth old DD except she can't walk yet so crawls away at great speed instead of running off! Lots of tantrums and head butting if she doesn't get her way immediately but then can be very cuddly sometimes, usually when she's very tired. She goes through stages of prefering her Daddy (I'm a SAHM too) but in fact when we were on holiday and she had him for 2 whole weeks she seemed to decide that I wasn't too bad at all once the novelty of having him 24/7 wore off.
My DD is quite sweet and placid at classes/play groups etc and the other mothers, esp ones with boys say how content and smiley she is just sitting there playing yet at home she's like a bloody whirlwind only interested in pulling books of shelves, trying to climb on everything etc etc. I've just bought a playpen too but mainly because I'm having another baby in the new year and I'm going to need to keep them apart somehow!
Your DD sounds completely normal