Recommended Toddler Behaviour Books please.

[PavlovtheCat]

I would like to get a book that might help guide me through the toddler years.

I had What To Expect When Expecting/The First Year and found these so much help. However, I also got the What To Expect: The Toddler Years and I really did not find it useful at all. I found it quite moralising, rather than full of practical tips on how to deal with certain behaviour.

Since then, I have not looked at a toddler book. And whilst DH and I are not struggling with all aspects, there are some areas were we are a little unclear as to which direction we should be/want to be going in terms of discipline, and think it might be good to look at some 'Bibles' to get a feel of if we are doing it right, what we might be doing wrong, give us some confidence, in particular how to deal with mornings and evenings (DD has become a door basher since moving into her bed, early in the morning and late at night, and it is wearing us down, for example).

We do not want a regimented toddler book. We are not military precision parents, we do not have strict routines, and whilst that may be some our problem, we want to find a way of disciplining without being too aggressive/strict/regimented.

DD is quite an independent child, and what we do not want to do is force this to be pushed into the background. We want to encourage and develop her sense of self without putting too many barriers in her way. Which means we need to know much better what boundaries are essential (we think we know, but need confirmation/reassurance, how to keep those boundaries in place and be consistent with it.

I gave a lot of info, as I think this might be useful in the recommendations that people may give. It may be that there are a couple we could look at.

Thanks in advance.

[dustystar]

I like Toddler Taming by Dr Green as it definitely summed up my experineces with dd and made me laugh too.

[bellabelly]

I rently ordered Robin Barker's The Mighty Toddler (because I loved her baby book). So far am finding it GREAT.

[bellabelly]

recently

[PavlovtheCat]

Dusty - I have heard of Toddler Taming. And I think I had a bad experience of it, in that my sister, whose parenting skills I have serious issues with, raved on about this. And her parenting skills are very regimented. She also uses physical discipline with her children. And while I know that this book does not advocate this, I think I was put off by someone who does approve of physical discipline aligning herself with Dr Green's techniques, IYSWIM. But it is much more likely that my sister took it and turned it all around to mean something that fit with what she wanted. It certainly did not empower her to be a better parent.

What is it's underlying theory, do you know? What kind of practice does he encourage?

[PavlovtheCat]

Bella - I shall add that one to my list of books to look at. Can you give me a summary of her ideas, generally?

[oysterpots]

I have a problem with the name, Toddler Taming! I think you probably know what sort of book it will be...

[dustystar]

I'm sorry pavlov i it was a while ago now and i can't remember. I do know that it wasn't regimented though as that wouldn't have suited our style of parenting.

[PavlovtheCat]

Dusty - I might have a look. I certainly do not want to rule anything out, especially seeing as my sister could probably make the most hippy toddler raising look like a military operation!

Oysterpots - that is what I thought too! I don't want to 'tame' her, just help her learn with the appropriate boundaries, that are consistent and that work well.

[oysterpots]

just looked at the Robin Barker book on amazon.com?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21, and the reviews are very mixed:
www.amazon.com/Mighty-Toddler-Essential-Guide-Years/dp/0871319861?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

[foxytocin]

The Social Toddler It promotes understanding of toddler behaviour and leaves to develop and foster the behaviour that suits your way of life.

[PavlovtheCat]

I just looked at the reviews for Robin Barker's Book, and they seem quite positive. There are only a couple of negatives really and they are the same thing - breastfeeding, which I no longer do with 2.2 year old, and controlled crying, which I do not advocate, but certainly would not decide not to buy a book because of this. I can choose to ignore this element of it.

The negatives are more on the line of Robin Barker being one sided in her views, not balanced enough. But I am not sure there is such thing as a technique/theory/way of managing behaviour that is completely balanced? Otherwise there would only be ONE book surely?!!!

The positives look good, I like the fact that she appears to offer guidance that is not 'do it this way or else be the worst mother in the world'.

This is on my list.

[PavlovtheCat]

Thanks Foxy - I will take a look at this in Waterstones too. I like the idea of non-prescriptive - but Amazon does not give much info on it, will check it out a bit further.

[foxytocin]

The social baby website has more details about this book.

[PavlovtheCat]

foxy - will have a look thank you.

[foxytocin]

and this site

[HonoriaGlossop]

Pavlov, FWIW I just wanted to say that I did enjoy Toddler Taming and found it a good read. My parenting is the least regimented of anyone I know in RL - I am not big on punishment of any kind, etc but I still liked this book; there are some things he talks about that I wouldn't do, BUT in general it is a realistic, amusing picture of having a toddler and what it is VERY good at is making you realise that some toddler behaviour, while extreme and bizarre and utterly nut-driving, is at the same time utterly and completely normal.

He's good IMO at showing that often it's our expectations of the child that are wrong, rather than the child's behaviour.

[PavlovtheCat]

Honoria - thank you for that. I think your last sentence is very insightful, and if this book does help demonstrate that, I should not rule it out.

I think, as parents DH and I know what we want to acheive in the way we discipline, we understand the fact for example that DDs behaviour is perfectly normal. We just don't think we completely know 'how^ to handle some of the aspects of her development, in the best way, to ensure we do not restrict/confuse/damage her.

I think for the most part, we have it right, she is a very happy content well adjusted child. But, as DH keeps reminding me she is 2!!! I want to make sure that during this more trying period of developing, we keep our happy content well adjusted child and our sanity.

[foxytocin]

"He's good IMO at showing that often it's our expectations of the child that are wrong, rather than the child's behaviour."

this is also what the Social Toddler Does.

[fortyplus]

Another vote for Toddler Taming - it's really funny. He says things like when he hears someone say that they can't get their 2 year old to give up a dummy he has visions of the child taking the keys to the family Volvo and driving down to buy a new one!

[PavlovtheCat]

So on my list, in no paricular order:

1. Social Toddler
2. Toddler Taming
3. The Mighty Toddler

I see no-one has said they did in fact find what to expect when you're expecting: the toddler years, a great book .

[fortyplus]

There's another excellent book called 'Raising Boys'.So if you ever end up with one of those strange creatures I'd recommend that, too!

[PavlovtheCat]

fortyplus - yes I have heard of that! I have a girl who sometimes thinks she is a boy, does that count?

[EffiePerine]

I found toddler taming pretty useful - just ignored the bits I didn't agree with! He makes the v good point that it is no use expecting a toddler to have any sense which seems to be true of DS

In fact I must re-read it now DS is a bit older and DH and I are starting to butt heads on discipline issues.

[PavlovtheCat]

Any more? How about any 'real' hippy books, might as well get a good cross section!

[foxytocin]

A 'friend' of mine is a great fan of what to expect series. She is also into sleep routine, supernanny technique and believes her parenting choices are beyond reproach.