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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

Suppernanny

36 replies

jacobliam · 11/08/2007 16:36

Hi all, does anyone know if it is possible to contact supper nanny with out having to appear on telly im having a realhard time with my boys but i dont really want it broardcast for the whole nation to see.
Anyone know how to get a private consultation with her if need be im that desperate

thanks
Laura

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TwoToTango · 11/08/2007 16:53

her website HTH

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jacobliam · 11/08/2007 17:13

thanks for that, why didnt it come up in my google search??!!!

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Doodledootoo · 11/08/2007 17:33

Message withdrawn

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LadyVictoriaOfCake · 11/08/2007 17:40

because you spelt it as supper nanny (as in light evening meal) rather than super

i thought this would be a thread on evening snacky type things.

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jacobliam · 12/08/2007 07:49

Im so tired and worn out that i cant even spell!! beg your pardon

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startouchedtrinity · 12/08/2007 08:24

Have you tried her books? (although tbh I prefer Tanya Byron's. There are clips of her shows on the BBC website.)

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jacobliam · 12/08/2007 14:10

Hi yeah ive read the books etc, but what i want is something to try thats tailored to the needs of my family as there are probs with both the boys, but cant resolve one with out the other!! if that makes sence. i feel awful that im struggling to know how to bring up my kids but im out of options and energy now,i just want my family back to the way it was!!

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BraceYourselfMavis · 12/08/2007 14:13

What problems are you having with your boys? There are lots of people on here who could give you help, support and advice.

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hunkermunker · 12/08/2007 14:13

Read Siblings Without Rivalry.

It's fantastic.

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startouchedtrinity · 12/08/2007 14:46

Yes, I like SWR, too. There is an English one along similar lines, Raising Happy Brothers and Sisters.

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NAB3 · 12/08/2007 18:46

I was thinking about the same thing today. Before DH and I get up, we hear DS1 and DD playing together and mostly quite nicely. When we are around they fight and argue. I am sure it is an attention thing but it makes no difference whether we ignore them, separate them or talk to them. They are 6.5 and 4 and it is getting us down. It would be great if we could have someone come in and spend a decent amount of time with us to help. I know it is normal but it doesn't mean we like it nor should we just accept it.

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jacobliam · 12/08/2007 21:45

The main problem in ds2 he is 16 monthsand uncontrolable,he is always getting into mischief,he set fire to my oven the other day,he broke a vase today just picked it upand threw it to name but a few. touching things that are not his switches, buttons you name it. The other day i found him up on the top bunk, all i keep thinking is why is a 16 month old doing these things.
I am not a push over by any means, he is told no,moved away from things and constantly reminded of what he is and is not allowed to do. He does not play with his toys at all.
He has been raised in exactly the same way as ds1 (who up until recently has been an angel) but ds2 seems to act like he is posessed.
He does not sleep all that well,tried controlled crying but that has not worked at all, tried him in a bed but that was the same, tried him sleeping in with me but that didnt work either!
My partner seem to sink all our time and effort into ds2.
As a result ds1 is crying out for attention,he is 4, he is hitting us and his brother, and getting a real temperon him,which he has never had before. He has never once thrown a tantrum, but he is now trying to do them. He starts school in a few weeks and i can see my good little boy suffering and loosing out because of ds2.
Ds2 is a sweet boy dont get me wrong but at the moment i am glad to get to work just to get away from it all.
Its so hard to put down in writing all that goes on. These probably seem like trivial things but to me my life is a nightmare. There is never a break from it.
I feel really down and the moment, physically and emotionally drained ny every means possible.
Any thoughts would be great fully recieved

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startouchedtrinity · 13/08/2007 07:56

My ds sounds similar - I have two older dds and ds is 15 mo. He's not yet walking but has a volcanic temper. However, he is so sweet and affectionate, and this is teh side of him I concentrate on.

At 16 mo time out, reward charts and all the rest simply don't work. And he's not a 'bad' child, he's just determined. Think how strong and independent he'll be when he's older - a real go-getter!

It sounds to me like what you need to do is baby-proof your home. Fit stairgates across doors so he can't get in. Don't let him in the room with the bunk bed unsupervised. Get socket covers. When you are cooking put him in his high chair with toys/snacks or get a travel cot or playpen. Even have his buggy up and put him in that if need be - we do this for ds sometimes.

FWIW my dd2 is very different from dd1 (they are 3 and 5). Same upbringing, but whereas dd1 would sit for hours reading dd2 climbs the furniture. It does get better.

You need to find time for ds1. If one of you can have ds2 whilst the other takes ds1 to teh park or for a play outside that is great. During the day when you are on your own sit down with ds2 in his high chair an ddo drawing or water play with ds1 at the table. Ds1 will like stickers - I get plain ones and write my own messages for the dds - 'I'm a Top Helper' type things. And make sure ds1 knows hitting is unacceptable.

HTH

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jacobliam · 13/08/2007 14:25

Hi, thanks for that. Advise is needed as you just seem to get stuck in a rut and you forget how to think really and think of other ways to tackle things. il keep trying and persevering in the hope that it will all settle down soon

thanks

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startouchedtrinity · 13/08/2007 20:33

I just try to minimise the hassle. If I spend all my time saying 'no' or 'don't touch' I see if I can get it out of their reach or stop them getting near it. It's very wearing for them, too, to keep hearing negatives all the time.

I've got three and you think you know after one, but each child is different and I'm learning all the time. I think ds is going to be a whole new ballgame!

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jacobliam · 13/08/2007 21:35

You suggested ds2 sitting in his high chair, the problem is he can get out of the straps no matter how tight you do it, which creates a hazard in itself. i would go and buy another one if i was planning more children, which im not!!!! could get him one of those booster chairs for the table i guess.
I just struggle that he wont sit and play with anything, i do sit with him abd show him how they work but he just gets bored and throws it.
I know kids arent supposed to be easy, i just never realised they would be this difficult.

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startouchedtrinity · 14/08/2007 08:58

Does the high chair have rings so you can attach a five-point harness?

My dd2 was never that keen on toys until recently, she was happier with 'things'. I used to give her a big lightweight plastic mixing bowl with some rice crispies and a wooden spoon so she could 'cook' with me. She also loved looking through her sister's hairband box, and all dcs love water play - a bowl of water on the floor with a mat under, some plastic cups and a washing-up brush. Ds loves a xylophone thing and a drum, he likes making a noise. but most of all he loves to be on the move, like your ds2. I have to strap him in his buggy sometimes for his own safety, which is paramount to me.

Are you looking after yourself? You sound worn out - maybe somevitamins might give you a boost?

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startouchedtrinity · 14/08/2007 09:00

That should be all my dcs - I realise not all dcs like water play!

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Lorayn · 14/08/2007 09:16

My lo's could get out of their high chairs too, I had to get reins and pratically tie the reins to the high chair!!
My best advice is don't sweat the little stuff, babyproof your house as already said, then when he annoys you step back, count to ten and think about whether its really that big a deal??
Sometimes we are so desperate to control the little rascals we lose sight of what is really important, a child that is having fun , however messy, isn't likely to play up.
Good Luck.

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startouchedtrinity · 14/08/2007 09:19

A five point harness is the same thing as reins, just take off the strasp. If a high chair doesn't come with a 5pt harness it should have d rings to take one.

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beautifulgirls · 14/08/2007 20:32

Hard though it is, you need to start looking to tell your DS#2 about the things he does that make you happy. He is obviously a livewire who keeps you on your toes, and it can be hard to seem enthusiastic about the things you like about him when he has just set fire to the place, or broken something. Part of it is natural curiosity, but part of it may be attention seeking in whatever way he can. I am not suggesting you don't love him or make time for him, it is just he may well need more that you are finding easy to give to him. I would also make sure you get some one to one time with your DS#1 as you are quite right about the knock on effect of him getting a lack of input affecting him. Can you arrange for someone to have DS#2 for a while - your DH or a friend, or an extra nursery session perhaps, so that you two get quality time without disturbance.

Times like this can be so hard - I have a nearly 3 yr old and a 16 month old, and they are so very different too. DD#2 is much more of a handful than DD#1. You do your best and they push you beyond what is reasonable some days.
I hope you can get things improved really soon and you can get the help you need from someone.

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macmama73 · 14/08/2007 21:11

One thing that helped me was not reacting to bad behaviour (easier said than done, I know) and not getting upset about little things. You have to save your energy for the important things.

It is easy to get into the habit of being negative, "oh, what have you done, now" when your DS is up to mischief. I realised that I was doing this with my DD, she didn't have any incentive to be well behaved, because I didn't expect it of her.

My DD is now 5, DS is 3. They are so much better behaved now and we have much more fun together. We can even go out for a meal together, something that was a nightmare for a long time. Don't get too disheartened, the first few years are very challenging but you will get there!

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tori32 · 14/08/2007 21:25

jacobliam
Agree with others step one childproof your house! I childmind so know how quite well. As others said. Cupboard locks, ornaments out of reach, stair gates. Strict routines around bedtime and persevere to the death with controlled crying for up to 2 weeks. If you keep changing direction it will make dd1 and 2 more determined because they know you will cave in.This does work. Consistent time out. My dd is 19mths but we have used the method since the minute tantrums started. He is old enough to understand believe me. If tantrums are to gain your attention then the best way to take your attention away is to place them out of sight. I care for 3 children 2 and under and a 4 year old daily. If its consistent it works.

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tori32 · 14/08/2007 21:30

forgot to say.
more praise for good behaviour
pick your battles!
don't scream and shout as they know you have lost control.
get them to help you with little jobs when possible. It boosts their confidence and morale.
Lots of outdoor activities to burn off energy or soft play if possible. If dd 16mths is asleep spend qual time with dd 4.
Engage their brain using flashcards etc. ask dd 16mths to point to objects, ask to go get... for the sake of it to practice taking instructions

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startouchedtrinity · 14/08/2007 21:35

I have to say, a friend of mine believes in leaving dangerous/breakable objects within reach and teaching her dcs not to touch. Apart from the sheer effort and hassle on her part, it means that when I take my dcs to visit, it is unimaginably stressful - they have grown up in an atmosphere where it is safe for them to explore everything within reach.

She has now moved to a new house which has an unfenced garden on a busy road. She's not having it fenced but is teaching them not to go onto it. Ditto the pond...