who is afraid of the big bad wolf??? My 3 year old is.Shoud I use it??

[slim22]

Hi
DS soon to be 3. I realised he is starting to experience fear. He loves cuddling up and reading wolf stories (little red riding hood/three little pigs etc.....
He is also turning into a nasty little person (we did not experience terrible 2s, so I guess this is it.
I've started telling him that unless he behaves/accepts to go to bed/etc... I will call the wolf. This usually works a treat but my husband says I might cause some sort of trauma...........am I really being a bad mother?? do you resort to this sort of threats??? I honestly think it's quite benign, it does not send him into any sort of panick but does stop him right there on his tracks.
suggestions very welcome

[saintmaybe]

No, I don't think so, slim22, unless (maybe) you're absolutely sure that he knows it's a joke, and at 3 I think that's unlikely.

Because it's unkind.

Becayse you're not helping yourself or him by making him afraid,

Because it's not true, and lying isn't right.

It might 'work' but it's such a short-term solution.

[WigWamBam]

I don't think it's a good idea.

It's unkind to frighten him deliberately at this age - why would you want to do that? You're the person he should be able to trust to reassure him about wolves and goblins and monsters under the bed, not to put them into his head.

It also makes me sad to see you refer to a three year old as a "nasty little person" ... he's still very young and three year olds push boundaries - it's their job! His behaviour may not be brilliant but he's not a nasty little person.

[MamaG]

oh GOD no, don't do that

I agree with WWB that is sad you refer to your DS as a nasty little person.

My almost 3 year old DS is no angel but I'd NEVER describe him like that.

Constructive comments - I'd say try naughty corner/time out/pasta jar (maybe a bit young)

[Tommy]

not at all!

Firstly as other have said, your DS is not a "nasty little person" - he's just being his age and testing out boundaries.

secondly, why would you want to scare him with something that is simply not true?

Sooner or later he is going to find out that there is no big bad wolf and if that's all you can threaten him with, he'll be able to do anything he likes.

[gingermonkey]

How do you fit a child in a pasta jar?

[MamaG]

you just squash and squash until they're in

[Socci]

Message withdrawn

[Saturn74]

Threatening tiny children with things that scare them is not something I would condone.
I would advise that you put firm boundaries in place, and be consistent in how you handle unacceptable behaviour.

Your son should be able to trust you to protect him - I think scaring him with stories of a wolf could break that trust.
Re your comment that he is "turning into a nasty little person", perhaps he is just testing his boundaries and being three?

I have to say that it I really dislike when adults tease and threaten children like this. It is taking advantage of the fact that they are too young and easily influenced to see through the adult's 'game'.

What will you do about his behaviour when he realises the Big Bad Wolf doesn't really exist?

[gingermonkey]

thank you mama, I will definately try it (tho DD is 7 and quite a big girl so it may be a struggle!)

[Othersideofthechannel]

In our house we have a 'tickle monster' who lives inside me and when DS refuses to get dressed he starts getting ready to tickle. He never has had to tickle yet. I had thought I'd find a good way to turn a conflict situation into a game but now reading your replies to Slim22's question, I'm beginning to wonder whether it is a good idea or not. DS seems to believe the monster really exists - drew him a picture last week!

[slim22]

thank you all for your messages.
I feel really bad now!!!!!!!!!!!!

[pointydog]

Oi, SLIMMIE! Noooohhhh!

[saintmaybe]

Don't feel bad, slim22!! you obviously care about your ds and about doing what's right for him and you, and that's all any of us can do. Almost all children go through a big change from sweet baby to challenging (sometimes very challenging) child, and we're all just learning as we go along

[oliveoil]

if either of my two start acting up I say "if you don't do X I will bite your bum" and chase after them acting in a monster style manner and growling

now this usually makes them laugh and the situation defuses

[sunnysideup]

really, really bad idea.

The central person in his life, the one he trusts more than anyone and looks to for everything, suddenly saying she will call the big bad wolf? That simply CANNOT be good for his development or your long term relationship with him. Yes it stops him in his tracks because it terrifies him....but there are other much better more constructive ways of helping him to learn to behave nicely. I'm afraid it's laziness to rely on this as a strategy.

It's not benign at all, don't kid yourself. Really.

[WigWamBam]

Don't feel bad, Sim. No-one has posted anything to make you feel bad, we have posted to try and help. There are other ways of dealing with a difficult situation; you don't have to use fear to control a child. Defusing the situation with a game or a giggle is often effective at this age.

I do the bum biting thing as well. Cools down the situation and makes dd laugh.

We have a tickle monster too, but I wouldn't pretend that I had one living inside me as a threat. I just tickle her madly to make her laugh; she knows I'm only pretending to be the tickle monster and there's nothing to be frightened of. That's what the key is, I think - I'm not telling the dd that I can summon some scary monster to come and deal with her, she knows it's me, I'm pretending, and that it's all a game.

[oliveoil]

yes we have Mr Tickle (fingers walking up leg) and Mrs Tickle (fingers on other hand tickling tummy)

and if I am in a bad mood we have a HARD STARE

[WigWamBam]

Oh, a Hard Stare works wonders ... dh calls mine my Paddington Stare and it's far more effective than his tactic of getting cross and yelling!

[pointydog]

Mrs Livid-So-Cut-It-Out

[slim22]

Gotcha!
But I still have a problem, he loves to play the scarry game! he wants to know where the wolf lives, and the dragon, and the big bear. He wants to go on the internet and look up images of sharks. All his favourite characters in books and DVDs are vilains.
We ARE very pacific people. My husband is very even tempered,the absolute anti-macho.In my version of little red ridding hood, the wolf never ever gobbled up anyone! he is just after the cake in her hamper!
How do baby boys suddenly become brash boys????

[pointydog]

The villains are much more interesting.

[cane]

Slim - my dd1 (2.8) is exactly the same - loves wicked witches and giants and monsters and likes to read all the 'scary' books. I don't think i did it to her, although I am prone to melodrama. She loves me or her father pretending to be a monster and chasing her etc etc fairly certain it is developmental thing.

[slim22]

PS: I must admit I feel a bit offended by the remarks on my calling my son a "nasty little person". Most of you know exactly what I mean by that.Merely that he is acting like a spoilt little brat like most 3 year olds. Please don't overdo it.

[colditz]

I have, on occasion, threatened to put my ds1's bottom in a pie.

[slim22]

pointydog, many thanx for last remark. Finally someone on the same wavelenght!
Are there any normal women out there or just dotting mums??????????????
OOOOOOOOOOps! sorry, I feel like being very honest today.