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Worried that the dr is going to call social services

(48 Posts)
Minki Tue 02-Dec-14 23:37:57

I took DS2, 4 years, to the dr this evening as he has been ill for the last 5 days or so with flu and was off school today. He hasn't been that unwell (temp comes down with calpol) but this afternoon was complaining that his "brain" and ears were hurting so thought I would get him checked. I made appointments for him and also for myself as I think I have bruised my ribs (don't ask!). So, I take the DS2 and DSI (6), who we picked up from school at 3.10, to the appointment at 5.40. Our nanny left a month ago and we have been using temps ever since and had no childcare today (their dad was supposed to take them after-school but we switched things around when DS2 was off school so that my ex looked after him until 2.15 when I ran back from work to take over) so I couldn't leave DSI with at home with a nanny so he had to come with us. We go in and I explain the problem and she checks DS2. As she is doing this, DS1 starts mucking around by weighing himself on her scales and picking up equipment from her desk, playing with the light. I asked him to stop/told him off several times but he didn't listen so I got up and physically stopped him. The dr seemed quite grumpy about it and told him off too but then offered to listen to his chest as he was interested her stethoscope (sp?). The dr then said, oh he hasn't had his pre-school immunisations, which I was very surprised about as I thought he had. I decided not to give him MMR (he had the single jabs) but I was pretty sure that he had had the others. So I said I would book an appointment for as soon as he was better and did so when we came out. Anyhow, we left the dr then waited 20 minutes for my appointment to check my ribs which I am sure are either bruised or even cracked as very painful.
As we go in the dr looks confused and says, oh were you just here? And I said, yes, but the appointment was for me son. He then gestured towards the notes on the computer which, from memory, read something like this: "Child behavioural issues". DS2 presented with ear infection. Antibiotics given. DS1 displayed age inappropriate attention seeking behaviour. e.g. touching medical equipment when repeatedly told not to, mother seemed to struggle to control the behaviour. DS2 has missed his pre-school immunisations." I think that was it. I was completely confused and asked why the dr had written notes about me and DS1 when the appointment was for DS2! The dr was also confused and said perhaps she had put them in the wrong place/file?? He then said perhaps she was trying to be helpful and had identified some problem/issue he has!! I said I didn't see how she could diagnose anything in 5 minutes and if she was then she should have told me! Dr said he would get the other dr to call me tomorrow but I am now confused and terrified. Is she building a case for social services on the basis that i) she thinks DS1 has behavioural issues and ii) I forgot DS2's immunisations? I never received any reminders BTW. DS1 is quite naughty/spirited and had some minor issues when he started reception (his teacher wrongly suggested autism which was very quickly rules out) but has been going from strength to strength and doing well as school. His teachers don't have any concerns. However, as we did have some minor concerns in Reception, we went on the waiting list for the school counsel and stayed on just in case anything came up. My ex and I met with her for a couple of sessions recently to discuss DS1 where we all agreed he is fine/no issues with him but that it would be best for the children if my ex and I learnt to communicate better. Surely though behavioural issues are not enough to call SS over? I am really worried. The dr will hopefully call me tomorrow to explain why she took those notes but in the meantime I can't stop thinking about it.

Minki Tue 02-Dec-14 23:41:55

Also to add that my dr prescribed anti-anxiety tablets and anti-depressants a few months ago after I felt very anxious and low after a difficult few years. My ex had an affair and left us which was followed by a difficult divorce and then my father died last October. I never took the anti-depressants as they made me feel odd. Is is possible that the dr looked at my medical history and decided I am unfit mother?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Tue 02-Dec-14 23:44:33

No I'm sure they won't. He was maybe just raising the possibility of something like ADHD?

RonaldMcDonald Tue 02-Dec-14 23:48:19

That would be very unlikely. My GP was v unhappy re non immunisation and noted it with q over whether it had to do with pnd
It never went any further although it worried me.
You sound as though you are on top of things...if not discuss with the GP further
Pls try not to worry until you have clarity

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Tue 02-Dec-14 23:50:33

I don't mean he is about to diagnose ADHD by the way..just that he maybe made notes just in case he was ever needed to refer on the issue.

Bilberry Tue 02-Dec-14 23:50:46

I couldn't see where the ss link came in? There is a very big leap from child behaviour issues to social services. Did the doctor suggest ss at all? It seems as if ds1 behaviour has been flagged before so maybe that is why she took a note. Behaviour can be a symptom of developmental or mental health problems and professionals do have to be careful not to miss things so taking notes would cover her if something came up in future..

It sounds like you were being very questioning of the doctor and in those circumstances she obviously feels she would rather pass you onto a colleague...

You are perfectly at liberty not to immunise though I think that is mad so I doubt that would be held against you.

Minki Tue 02-Dec-14 23:51:42

Just really angry over how it has been dealt with. Why not discuss DSI's behaviour with me if she was that concerned? Horrendous day trying to juggle looking after poorly children with a full time job and no childcare and then judged by someone who has met my kids and I for 5 minutes. Feel like crying.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Tue 02-Dec-14 23:53:30

I don't think he was judging. Unmanageable behaviour can be a sign of a behavioural or developmental issue, that's all. Or indeed just a bad day

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Tue 02-Dec-14 23:53:53

Sorry I mistead. . She.

Minki Tue 02-Dec-14 23:54:12

? I didn't ask any questions of the first dr. Was a completely normal consultation, as far as I was concerned. The second dr had my notes up on screen and asked me if I had already been seen as he was confused then he let me read the notes. Obviously I had questions! I don't think the problem is with him as he seemed as confused as I was but with his colleagues and her motives for writing this.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Tue 02-Dec-14 23:54:22

Misread. Sigh

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Tue 02-Dec-14 23:55:09

It was probably just a quick background note.

Minki Tue 02-Dec-14 23:55:26

Yes but the consultation wasn't about DS1 and we didn't discuss him. And dr or no dr (and a GP I hasten to add) she cannot tell much for a 5 minute meeting. For what purpose is she taking notes and why put them on my file, why not DS1's?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Tue 02-Dec-14 23:56:36

Probably just to note you are under a bit of stress.

Minki Tue 02-Dec-14 23:56:41

A quick background note for what purpose? I thought I was going to the dr not the the STASI to have a dossier compiled about mine and DS1's failings!

Minki Tue 02-Dec-14 23:57:43

But why, unless that is going to be used for something?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Tue 02-Dec-14 23:58:19

Have explained reasons. Behavioural issues are not necessarily "failings" you know. From anyone.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Tue 02-Dec-14 23:59:42

Well it could be needed in future if you sought a diagnosis for your Ds IF he had an issue or if you needed support.

Anyway your best bet here is to ask the doctor. I am not them but just Internet random trying to reassure and failing.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Wed 03-Dec-14 00:02:06

My best guess would be it was just a wee bit of family background info as the GP had noticed a POSSiBLE behavioural issue with your DS and a mum under stress. Not so they can call SS. Just an observation in case you consult on this in future.

NanaNina Wed 03-Dec-14 00:04:48

The GP should not have made that record and I think you should contact her to raise your concern about this recording. But please rest assured that she will know far better than to report this to SS and even if she was foolish enough to do this, there is no way that they would be involved in such a trivial matter. My god half the kids in the country would be involved with SS on this basis. SWs are struggling with massive caseloads of serious safeguarding issues and would NOT be interested in this, but I'm sure the GP won't contact them. But I think you should raise your concerns with her - why not write a short note and hand it in at the reception desk, leaving your e mail/phone number.

Minki Wed 03-Dec-14 00:10:44

But I wasn't even stressed at that point!! I am usually far more stressed! We had a friendly chat and I feel it's completely two faced to write notes recording things that were not discussed which makes me think it must be something bad, e.g. she wants to use it to make a case to SS. Why else would it be on my file and why wouldn't she tell me?

Bilberry Wed 03-Dec-14 00:11:27

It does sound like you had a hard day. You have had medication for depression or anxiety so the doctor may have taken the note just as a background for your mental state. The thing is patients don't always like to talk about the things that are most bothering them so knowing you are stressed and possibly finding things difficult at the moment may help them if you then want to discuss poor sleeping for example. It all goes to help the doctor decide how best to treat you.

How are your ribs? I hope you managed to discuss them and got some advice.

Minki Wed 03-Dec-14 00:19:50

But the first dr and I didn't even discuss me not did I feel she had any concerns. My ribs are still agony. The dr took a v quick look and said they looked bruised but even if they are fractured then they can't do anything. Great!

Minki Wed 03-Dec-14 00:21:18

Nananina, are you sure they won't be interested? I agree that the grounds would mean that many many kids would be referred. But then again mistakes to get paid. You're always reading about cases where kids are removed from their families for no reason.

ArthurJob Wed 03-Dec-14 00:35:19

OP if I understand this correctly, the first doctor effectively recorded an informal 'diagnosis' of both you and DS1 when your appointment was about DS2? And the dr didn't discuss it with you at the time? That doesn't sound right to me and you should definitely push them for an explanation. If you don't get any joy then make a subject access request so that you can get a full view of your records. But even then don't be concerned about a SS referral, there's absolutely nothing there that would be of any interest to them.

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