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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

I hate my baby

48 replies

Chickz · 02/04/2014 18:51

I love her but hate her. My 5 month old dd is constantly crying whinging and generally never happy. It gets me down so much that I've started to resent her. She's recently been given a cows milk intolerance diagnosis which may explain some of it so we have been put on new milk so maybe that will help but other than that I don't know what to do as I can't stand the crying and whining anymore. Here is what I've tried

baby wearing
baby massage
daily trip outside to a class or walk ( she cries in pram btw)
cranial osteopathy
a friend coming round to help
gaviscon, dentinox and infacol and gripe water
we have a sleeping routine where she sleeps every 2 hours ( thankfully she does sleep albeit for 30 mins a time)

She just isn't happy. I'm starting to lose my mind. And feel robbed of this time we are supposed to share together. I'm so jealous of other mums that sit in cafes with happy babies. Mine has never been happy. People say hang in there but I've been hanging for 5 months and nothing has improved. Please help! What am I doing wrong?

OP posts:

Report

NormHonal · 02/04/2014 18:55

You poor thing.

I remember 5mo with my DC1 being the lowest point. She refused all routine, had colic (still) and also didn't seem very happy.

I went back to work soon afterwards, and started weaning her, and both things helped our relationship no end. She started sitting up, exploring the world, and becoming more independent.

Have you talked to your health visitor or GP about any of this?

Do you think you might have PND?

midgeymum2 · 02/04/2014 19:01

You are not doing anything wrong, except perhaps being too hard on yourself and not taking enough time to yourself. Not all babies are happy, mine certainly weren't. It is very hard not to compare yourself to others, but it doesn't help. I found about 5/6 months the hardest, I thought that's when they would start 'doing' things - settle, sleep,eat etc and they just didn't. I felt like I had failed (they are fine now). What got me through was time away on my own (oh the peace and quiet) and enough sleep. Do you have someone who can help you do this?

FreakinScaryCaaw · 02/04/2014 19:03

Have you spoken to your HV? I've been there it's so draining. And everyone else seems to have a happy contented baby? DS1 had colic and seemed to cry for a year. DS2 was quiet, I couldn't believe the difference.

Cupcakemummy85 · 02/04/2014 19:05

I don't think you are doing anything wrong. The first year of dd2's life I was constantly posting threads asking for help because my child never stopped crying. Even now I still do. I don't have much advise for you unfortunately and I'm truly sorry about that. What I can say is that I completely understand how u r feeling right now. I have one of those babies. She hated the car seat, the pram, me wearing her, anyone else holding her. All she did was feed. We were told she was dairy intolerant, ended up she wasn't but was just a moody Madame lol.
Luckily she is my second and not my first otherwise I would not have had two children. Once the weaning stated things got a little better but in general she was one pissed off baby for a year. After a year it slowly gets better. You are doing the right thing making sure she sleeps. An overtired baby is horrible.
I know how the cries can drive mental. I guess one piece of advice would be to ask someone to take her for a walk even if she screaming and just go as have a long shower. Any help, just take it.
Well done you though!! U r doing really well. It's tough having a high maintenance baby. :)

Chickz · 02/04/2014 19:10

Thank you for your rrplies. I'm pretty sure I don't have PND. Thankfully I do get some time to myself, in fact I had a couple of hours yesterday when DH had her. . I've talked to friends who say its normal to feel hate sometimes. I really thought things got easier but they seem to be getting worse.
I get around 7 hrs sleep a night which is good as DD gets up just once or twice. I guess in looking for someone up say things will improve and I'll have a happy baby. But there's no guarantee is there?

OP posts:

FreakinScaryCaaw · 02/04/2014 19:15

I tell you one thing ds1 loved. Here. Except his was a blue one not sure of the make?

naty1 · 02/04/2014 19:20

I would start making sure she learns to sit up. Mine was sitting at 5 and half months and that really helped (otherwise she always wanted to be held upright)
She would sit with a vtech spinning top for ages.
She also liked a swing and jumperoo.
(Later on we moved to tummy sleeping)
Have you had her checked for tongue tie?

midgeymum2 · 02/04/2014 19:20

Yes, she will improve, she won't still be like this when she's 3! Or probably when she's 6 or 7 or 8 months. My grandma said to me 'a year's keep' and I thought ' oh my God a whole year of this, I can't do it' but I did, it wasn't great, but we got though it and I actually did notice a difference at about a year.

weebarra · 02/04/2014 19:22

It is really really tough when you have a high needs
baby. DS1 was always that baby wherever went. I know now that I did set my standards too high. I did everything that you have done. Things just got better in the end. He is now 6 and I do love him very much, although he can still be challenging. I also went on to have two more...
Good luck, I do know how tough this is.

Chickz · 02/04/2014 19:39

Tongue tie? I'll try googling it.

OP posts:

Queenofthedrivensnow · 02/04/2014 19:51

Babies like this are very very hard please don't beat yourself up. Dd2 is like this and I struggle with her. If dd1 had been this way I may have lost the plot.

Dd2 is better these days (17 months) but we still half joke that if you even look at her wrong she cries. It's not a joke though it's very accurate. Exh insists (correctly I think) that she's ok if she isn't hungry or tired. Sounds simple but dd2 is either or both states most of the time.

What kind of sling do you have?

Chickz · 02/04/2014 20:14

I have a stretchy moby sling. Sometimes she likes it. Other times not. I don't think she has tongue tie. I spent half my time wondering if there is anything wrong with her ( other than milk intol) or if this is just who she is. I think I may just have to accept that she is difficult and cries loads. Do they not get exhausted from crying? Mine seems to get worked up more and more. And yes if I so much as do anything to her that she doesn't like, she explodes. How can this be? I just can't understand it.

OP posts:

Homerun · 02/04/2014 20:19

It sounds like silent reflux, which is often linked to cow's milk intolerance. The new milk may help (if it's a specialist hypoallergenic brand on prescription ) and if that doesn't help, ranitidine or omeprazol, which reduces acid production in the stomach.

This is a stage and it definitely improves when they can sit up. Don't be hard on yourself - coping with a difficult baby can be soul destroying. If it's any consolation DS 2 was like this and has turned into the sunniest, funniest and happiest toddler.

RiverTam · 02/04/2014 20:21

I felt like this a lot of the first year, I don't care what anyone says, some babies can be hard work - and I had an 'easy' one!

have you got a high chair yet - if she can sit, of course (or a bumbo if she can't) - perhaps having her in her high chair with a few small toys and books while you pootle about might help. Also, at this age you could think about starting to wean - a few simple purees might interest her? Give her the spoon to make a mess with.

I think I gave myself stupidly high standards and beat myself up a lot about far too many things. Both DH and I now think I did have PND - mild, probably, but I think it was there.

You are most definitely not alone in feeling like this. I can't have anymore DC, but I actually don't think I could go through the baby stage again.

Homerun · 02/04/2014 20:22

Think of it this way, presuming your baby is uncomfortable (which it sounds like she is) any additional stress to her is going to send her over the edge into misery. You would probably be the same if you had reflux (I know it wore me down in pregnancy as it was hard to sleep, eat, relax).
It's nothing you are doing - she can't be happy yet because physically she is u comfortable. All a baby has is their physical comfort.

likelytoasksillyquestions · 02/04/2014 20:23

Oh, you poor thing. Mine was like this, til he could crawl, and even better when he could walk. He's still a bit sensitive as a toddler (25mo now), but he's basically content. He just really didn't like being a baby, in my case. I can see all this clearly now, but at the time it was awful. Reading your post brought it all back. I still feel jealous of mums with 'normal' happy babies in cafes etc.

Hang in there.

likelytoasksillyquestions · 02/04/2014 20:23

Oh, you poor thing. Mine was like this, til he could crawl, and even better when he could walk. He's still a bit sensitive as a toddler (25mo now), but he's basically content. He just really didn't like being a baby, in my case. I can see all this clearly now, but at the time it was awful. Reading your post brought it all back. I still feel jealous of mums with 'normal' happy babies in cafes etc.

Hang in there.

Tedder · 02/04/2014 20:24

Sending lots of sympathy and hugs....my DS was like this for the first 12 months....it's just bloody awful. But hang in....it does get better.

midgeymum2 · 02/04/2014 20:25

I think I got to the stage at about 5 months where I honestly didn't know if it was her or me. I read some of the parenting books (not recommending, was just so desperate) and they all seemed to suggest that 5 month old babies needed a shell of a lot more sleep than mine was getting, so I adopted quite a strict routine and that's what got me through really. Just one foot in front of the other, follow the routine and count down the hours till nap time/ bed time I feel guilty for feeling that way now when I 'should' have been enjoying my dcs boyhood, but....I love toddlers and school age! It is sooo much better, I can talk to them and they can talk to me! Sorry have waffles. It will get better.

midgeymum2 · 02/04/2014 20:28

Hell and babyhood - spookily appropriate spell check fails there

bakingtins · 02/04/2014 20:30

My Ds2 was like this and it was bloody awful. Diagnosed at 4m old with silent reflux and milk and soya protein intolerances. Omeprazole and restriction diet made a big difference and he did start to improve.
I did often wonder if I'd been cursed with a permanently miserable character. He's 3 now and he is sunny, easy going and delightful, despite a terrible start.
Hang in there.

NearTheWindymill · 02/04/2014 20:30

Oh sweetheart, I had a baby like that. She never stopped grizzling and crying - even in the pram and didn't sleep well in the night at all. She was just a miserable baby. Fortunately she was my second and I didn't have with the first so I knew it was nothing I was doing. DS's nursery teacher actually used to laugh and say "does that baby ever stop crying?". I won't tell you technique I used for my sanity because MNet would collapse in protest - actually we have quite a big house and sometimes I used to put her in her cot and close the door and turn off the sound on the monitor and just spend an hour playing with DS1. Funnily enough it also taught her to go to sleep on her own. Not nice but it was the only way I could cope and wouldn't have done it if she was off colour or genuinely upset about something.

We was a big whingy until she was about 4 tbh unless one part of her body was in contact with a part of mine. It all stopped as she got bigger and more confident. She's nearly 16 now and the most stoic, luffly, trouble free teenager you could hope to meet so there is light at the end of the tunnel. I just did my hard yards at the front end and hope you do too.

hugs

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IamMrsJones · 02/04/2014 20:30

I remember this well. My DD2 was such an unhappy little thing, she cried for the first year of her life. Once she could walk things improved, slowly. She is now 7 and still very vocal!

monicalewinski · 02/04/2014 20:32

Might be reflux, mine had it and I was advised to wean early (at 3 months) - have you started weaning yet? If not, speak to the hv and see what they say about it perhaps.

Also being upright helped my whingy babies - they loved being in the baby walker so they could see what was going on all the time and were scooting about in it quite quickly.

It does get better in the end, honest!

MiddleAgeMiddleEngland · 02/04/2014 20:33

One of mine was unhappy, crying, wouldn't settle, needed constant attention. It's exhausting, you have all my sympathy.

Try to find a few moments each day when you can really 'love' her, so you don't feel so bad about your negative feelings. Make sure you take lots of photos of her at good moments so that you have something to look back on.

Get all the help you can and don't feel guilty about it. I know it seems an impossibly long way off yet, but it WILL improve. (Mine is now a delightful teenager). Take good care of yourself.

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