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19 month old starting to get rough with friends

(31 Posts)
HelenHen Fri 21-Feb-14 14:44:04

Not in a malicious way but he'll try and cuddle them and knock them over or try and pull them over for a cuddle and they fall. He used to pull Hair but thankfully got out of that phase and now just pulls his own.

I don't think it's anything to worry about and would imagine it's normal but how do I deal with it? I've pulled him away, get down to his level saying no, we don't do that And you've hurt her, put him in time out, check friend is ok and apologise to mom while trying to make him apologise to child which obviously he doesn't yet!

Its so embarrassing and I don't want people to start distancing theselves from us as we don't have many friends!

Any advice?

atthestrokeoftwelve Fri 21-Feb-14 15:08:01

I do sympathise but it's no fun being the child on the other end and unfortunately children do get labelled as being rough as understandably other mothers are protective towards theoir children.

Not all children go through rough stages and I do think it needs to bae taken seriously.
Malicious or not other chidren are being upset and hurt and it is not acceptable.
He is very young and needs close one to one supervision while playing with other children, so you can direct the interaction and show him how to be gentle.
Failing that you nmay need to stay away from places with other youngsters until this phase has passed.

HelenHen Fri 21-Feb-14 15:24:39

I am taking it seriously or I wouldn't be asking for advice here. And I know the other child gets hurt, that's why I want to put an end to it. Removing him completely from other kids will not teach him to interact properly though. They do play nicely most of the time and I was only one incident today. 2 others were prevented by close supervision though. The other mom was very understanding and all the other kids have their rough moments. I just need to know how people deal with it.

Sillylass79 Fri 21-Feb-14 15:27:43

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Sillylass79 Fri 21-Feb-14 15:28:26

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atthestrokeoftwelve Fri 21-Feb-14 15:29:11

"I don't think it's anything to worry about and would imagine it's normal "
Sorry that statement led me to the idea that you thought it was a naural thing that all kids go through.

At 16 months your child is still really a baby and only beginning to undertand the mechanisms of playing with other children.
I do feel at that age they are too young to be left without close supervision especially if your son is being a little rough.

Sillylass79 Fri 21-Feb-14 15:34:17

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atthestrokeoftwelve Fri 21-Feb-14 15:48:32

Sillylass i don't agree that "the vast majority of kids go though" this stage and I think that's a complacent attitude to take.
"Allowing them to grow" is very different to allowing them to shove other kids.

If you have a child on the receiving end of this "natural thing" of being pushed and shoved you may have a different view.

I notice it's often the mothers of the rougher children who take this attitude of it being a phase or a normal stage in development.

Sillylass79 Fri 21-Feb-14 15:54:59

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HelenHen Fri 21-Feb-14 15:55:47

Thanks for the advice sillylass and for understanding! Atthestrokeoftwelce they are not left alone. It was me, the other mom and the two kids all in the one room. Without sounding defensive, how close do you want them supervised without also letting them just play? They do play beautifully most of the time and squeal and giggle and Chase eachother. It's only if he goes for a cuddle that he might get over excited and knock someone over. I am not in the least concerned about this behaviour but I am wanting advice on how to teach a child (19 months) that he has to play gently. He has simply reached the age where it has become an issue. We go to plenty of groups. The child next door is 2.4 and he pushes ds over a few times... I don't think we need to avoid them and his mom always deals with it on the spot and gets really embarrassed.

Sillylass79 Fri 21-Feb-14 15:57:58

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atthestrokeoftwelve Fri 21-Feb-14 16:02:51

It's complacent to leave your child in a nursery where he has been bitten four times.
I don't view biting as "normal" behaviour, but if you are happy for your sone to be bitten because that's what kids do then fine.

HelenHen Fri 21-Feb-14 16:07:39

As for working out triggers, I presume it's time for me to stop encouraging him to cuddle other kids? sad i should have spotted that! They always kiss and cuddle and we all think it's really cute but he must be overly comfortable getting in other kids space. Probably still normal enough but definitely not while he goes through this stage!

Sillylass79 Fri 21-Feb-14 16:07:56

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SpanielFace Fri 21-Feb-14 16:08:21

My DS is 18 months and very much like this. He went to give his 2.5 year old petite little cousin a cuddle and floored her last week.shock I am managing it much as you are. Surely removing your child from contact with other children is counterproductive as they will have no opportunity to learn proper behaviour? Plus I feel socialisation at toddler groups etc is so important for DS as he doesn't go to nursery. We're working on "gentle hands" too, we've been doing this for ages as we have a dog and a cat, and it does seem to be working. I'm looking forward to the stage where he has a bit more reasoning/understanding! And I don't think anyone would label an over-exuberant one year old as rough, fgs, they are just babies and still learning how to control their bodies!

SpanielFace Fri 21-Feb-14 16:10:11

Oh, and every child I know has bitten someone (parent, sibling, friend) at some point. NORMAL. Not nice, needs to be taken seriously, but normal.

MrsBungle Fri 21-Feb-14 16:15:57

My dd has never hit, never bitten and never been rough. My ds, however! He's a horror at the moment. He's 21 months. He bit one child at nursery and is hitting his sister. I was mortified when I found out he'd bitten another child - I cried. Ds has been raised no differently to angelic dd. I supervise him well and nursery told me most kids go through a stage like this. I am just hoping it doesn't last much longer and that the naughty step isn't worn out soon

Sillylass79 Fri 21-Feb-14 16:17:06

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Sillylass79 Fri 21-Feb-14 16:18:41

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HelenHen Fri 21-Feb-14 16:28:07

Ah yeh spanielface, I forgot about the biting phase! Thankfully that one didn't last long. I still pounce if he pats another kid's head... Cos of the Hair pulling phase! What's the next rough one?

Oh bungle... It's horrible! Hope he stops soon!

Thanks for the tips sillylass... I'll give it a go next week and fingers crossed there'll be no incidents. Speaking of wanting a toy someone else has... Any asadvice on sharing would also be much appreciated grin as it would appear its also becoming an issue.

All this terrifies me as I'm also 32 week's pg with dc2 blush

HelenHen Fri 21-Feb-14 16:30:23

We do 'gently' when he's being rough with us and he understands cos he'll then stroke his own face gently and then hit out again... Almost like he's mocking us shock . Thankfully he's not rough like that with his friends... Yet!

atthestrokeoftwelve Fri 21-Feb-14 16:31:38

" I forgot about the biting phase! Thankfully that one didn't last long. I still pounce if he pats another kid's head... Cos of the Hair pulling phase! What's the next rough one?"

I'm glad I don't live near you- these "phases" that you talk of are not a rite of passage.
Many children are never aggressive.

HelenHen Fri 21-Feb-14 16:33:34

Ok, that's good, thanks for the advice! We're obviously just rough scumbags!

Sillylass79 Fri 21-Feb-14 16:34:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsBungle Fri 21-Feb-14 16:36:38

Us too Helen smile not sure how dd managed to escape my crap parenting!

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