Jeeeeeesus. I need my glass of wine tonight. We have a newborn (two weeks) and a toddler (just turned two). His behaviour was never great (not through lack of trying - naughty step etc) but now, dear Lord, it's ramped up ten fold. My DH goes back to work in a week and I need some tactics quick smart.
He is (of course) absolutely wonderful 
but we do need to get this behaviour sorted - it feels like he has literally tantrumed all day today with spurts of quiet whilst cartoos are on (and I detest him watching too many). He hits other children too...I'm also concerned about our newborn who flinches at his screaming and has to put up with non stop noise until he's in bed.
We do naughty step for two mins religiously. It does calm him down and make him think about his behaviour.
We use distraction. Sometimes works sometimes doesn't.
Bribery. Rarely works.
Getting him to 'help out'. Rarely works.
Any other ideas very welcomed!
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Behaviour/development
Oh dear God help. Two year old and newborn. Need I say more?
mylittlepuds · 24/04/2013 18:42
Ignore was always my default - 21 month age gap.
It does get better though. Honest
You have my sympathies!
I had a 2 yr old, 13 mth old and a newborn as well as an 8 and 4 yr old!
I'm not much help but I can say that it does get easier!
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
It is completely normal and would probably happen whether newborn had come along or not. The main difference is that you are so tired and busy it's even harder to cope with.
Distraction, ignoring and trying to stay calm. Naughty step is pointless. Also try to predict tantrums... Eg give food every couple of hours before he gets hungry, go for walk/ drive to get him to sleep when he's tired and needs a nap, give warnings, eg "in 5 mins we're going to tidy this away"'
, then 3 mins, then 2, 1. Offer choices where both are acceptable " would you like to put your shoes on first or your coat?". Don't sweat the small stuff. Pick your battles. Does it really matter if he wears odd clothing combos or refuses to wear a coat?
Engage him and get him to help by fetching things. Remember to play with him. You can do puzzles or play with cars on the floor whilst feeding/changing baby.
Make things fun, eg if he won't put his socks on, say 'oh, I gues this is my hat then, but I'm not sure i can get it on my head" and pretend to put it on. Fits of giggles followed by insistence on wearing it properly may follow!
Be kind to yourself. It will pass faster than you think. Don't take it personally, it is a normal developmental phase. Remember - the mess you see on their face is the mess going on in their head 
, sometimes keeping that in mind helps me stay calm!
Oh, and leave the house every day, preferably with the toddler on foot at a snails pace' especially to go to the playground. Exercise and fresh air both aid good behaviour in preschool children Ime.
A good sling for the baby is a godsend too.
Go Easy yourself, it sounds like you're doing great. You're only 2 weeks in 
I'm nearly 5 months in, I've got a 20 month gap.
I won't lie, I found the first few week hideous but I promise it does get better.
I totally agree with what the others have said. I have a list of 'safe places' to go with both of them, mostly soft play. I go out every morning and then that eases my conscience if ds1 watches cbeebies all afternoon.
We have cut back on tv again now but it saved my sanity for the first few months. Also, I have found my friends I made through ds1 to be brilliant as they mostly only have one child and like newborn cuddles. Going out with them helps, 2 adults to 3 children is a better ratio .
I got fed up of saying 'gently with ds2' but still say it lots of times now. I have to say though that ds2 is quite tough and is used to being pulled about as ds1 is so affectionate.
Pull in all the help you can, if people ask if they can do anything bite their hand off and give them a job - even if it's to go with you somewhere to help or look after the children while you have a bath.
Also, when dp went back to work I found getting showered and dressed before he left crucial. It made me feel a million times better and psychologically I find it easier to deal with everything in my clothes (other wise the process of having a shower and getting dressed can take hours, there were times I spent all morning wrapped in a towel, trying to get dressed but being distracted by feeding or tantrums etc ).
Thank you everyone!! Such good advice and it's really helped calmed me down. So...mega organisation, get ready before DH out the door, get toddler out and about on the morning (group or other activity), rely on cartoons a bit for lazy(ish) afternoon - oh and screw the tuts from other parents judging DS. Does happen a lot with us and that was before DD arrived! Thanks everyone
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No advice just plenty of empathy here!
Have 2.7yo ds and 5wk dd. a few weeks ago I could have written you post but slowly we are getting into the 'organisation' thing. Only yesterday at the park while ds went off and did his thing, I had some much needed bonding time with dd in the shade, prior to this I felt like a feeding and changing machine to dd as all my time was spent trying to avoid tantrums with ds!
We have the added stress of poo withholding which is making ds unbearable and I too was a bit embarrassed by the judgey types but I am so beyond tiredness to care anymore!
So very pleased the weather is improving its really helping us get out of the house more
Hello again (I'm on your 'newborn feeding every two hours' thread). We're in the midst of this too - DS1 is 2.6yo and DS2 is nearly 8wo, ebf.
It's bonkers, properly bonkers. DS2 is fairly chilled (ie no colic or anything), but needs holding all the time. DS1's world has obviously been shaken at the very foundations :( and he's veered from very affectionate to biting DS2 on the leg in a fit of pique. He's also going through a phase that might affectionately be termed "boisterous" 
.
Tbh, even when he's feeling happy about the little usurper it's tiring. I managed to get a sleeping DS2 into his bouncy chair the other day and was rubbing my hands with glee at the thought of all the chores I could now get done. Less than FIVE MINUTES later, DS1 clocked him and went over yelling "hello BABY! CUDDLE!" before performing a rugby-style pile on :o. We're trying hard to help him see his new brother as a positive addition, so I had to grit my teeth and congratulate him on what a fab big brother he is, but shall we be gentle?
I have consumed by own body weight in chocolate over the last two months, I swear!
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