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DH has chosen names BUT I want a say too! How???

(49 Posts)
KittyCat8 Fri 31-Oct-08 11:40:45

My DH has had the names for our children picked out pretty much since our second date. (I know, I know, a bit freaky... but I love

The names are sweet and OK I guess but I feel as though I have no say in the matter. I'd REALLY like to name our PFB son after my Dad - he has been such an inspiration and help to us, he's been so ill lately with a suspected brain tumour and I love him so much that I'd like to honour him in this way. I know that he was devastated when I took DH's surname - as his only daughter that means the family name "dies" with me - so I thought calling our son "Rory" (Dad's name is Roy) would be a beautiful gesture.

HOWEVER dh has his heart set on his best friend's name, James, as they promised each other when they were kids that they'd call their children after one another. DH's best friend has not stuck to his side of the deal - his DS is called Jesse, and DH is not - but DH is insistent.

HOW on earth do I convince him to consider other options? James is a lovely name, and there's nothing wrong with it but I feel that honouring my dad would be the right thing to do...

Please help! Your tactful advice will be much appreciated!

FlirtyThirty Fri 31-Oct-08 11:42:11

Rory James...?

thumblesswitch Fri 31-Oct-08 11:42:20

middle name.

flowerybeanbag Fri 31-Oct-08 11:42:20

James as middle name?

Bubbaluv Fri 31-Oct-08 11:44:56

Middles names? Have you asked him why his opinion is the only one that counts?

Notquitegrownup Fri 31-Oct-08 11:45:40

James Rory or Rory James both sound great. I think that it is lovely your dh cares about his children's names. It's also nice that your dh has such a close friendship - lots of men don't do 'best friends'.

AbbeyA Fri 31-Oct-08 11:46:06

If he doesn't like Rory James how about your maiden name as a middle name?

MamaG Fri 31-Oct-08 11:46:48

I think I'd be extremely pissed off TBH that he was insisting on naming your osn after his best friend

how old is he FGS?

Tell him how important it is to you that you name your DS after Dad and suggest middle name of James

Troutpout Fri 31-Oct-08 11:46:49

what about your maiden name as your sons middle name

KittyCat8 Fri 31-Oct-08 11:47:12

Weeeeel he sort of brought it up one night, long ago, when I was half asleep after a big night out... "How about James for our son's name?" - kind of thing, and I agreed with him at the time... now however I'd like to consider options! But it seems to be set in stone now...

GreatGhoullyMoogly Fri 31-Oct-08 11:47:20

I think you definitely need to have a talk asap pointing out as nicely as possible that this is your son too and that you need to choose a name together, that his friend didn't call his son your DH's name (and that things that children say to each other don't have to be honoured as adults) and that you would like to use an adaptation of your father's name. Maybe Rory James as a compromise?

Troutpout Fri 31-Oct-08 11:47:26

oh and what mamag said too

ohIdoliketobebesidethe Fri 31-Oct-08 11:47:37

Can you get his friend to dissuade him of the need to stick with James? He would perhaps be embarrassed at not keeping to his side of the deal and could help.

KittyCat8 Fri 31-Oct-08 11:49:04

Middle name is a GREAT suggestion! Rory James sounds so nice...

My maiden name is unfortunately a complicated Afrikaans-sounding name that is double barelled and just wouldn't work... hence the reason I didn't double-barrel MY name when we married! It just sounded weird...

Bubbaluv Fri 31-Oct-08 11:51:11

A hypothetical agreement is not a binding contract surely? My husband has suggested lots of names that I've said "Yeah, that's nice" to, but I certainly would be annoyed if he then used that against me later.
Does he realise he's being selfish?

VictorianSqualor Fri 31-Oct-08 11:52:44

I have a friend called Rory James.

CharleeInChains Fri 31-Oct-08 11:55:05

I would have been chuffed if my DP had any opinion on my son's names, i was forever going 'dp what do you think of this name' and everytime he would go 's'ok' hmm

I would compromise with Rory James or Vice Versa, they are both lovely names.

Cheesesarnie Fri 31-Oct-08 11:59:47

i like james rory.or even james roy.

my dad names all 4 of me and my siblings.(well my mum put her foot down when he wanted to call the second dd badger but he named us all grin).i think its nice hes interested but it does have to be joint decision obviously!

thumblesswitch Fri 31-Oct-08 12:04:43

yes, I agree - I had pretty much decided what I wanted to call any children I had when I was about 16 - stuck with it right up until I was pg with DS and started discussing names with DH and he hated both my choices! So, like any understanding partner, I discarded them and we chose a name together that we both liked.

I think your DH does have to be a bit more open to compromise here, especially as his bf has already voided the agreement!

Cheesesarnie Fri 31-Oct-08 12:06:06

or how about jay instead of james(although having a james i love the namesmile)

Liffey Fri 31-Oct-08 12:06:11

James is a nice name, I'd put it in the middle though.

AND. MORE to the point, your husband is confused if he thinks 1) it's entirely HIS decision, or, 2) that he owes it to a childhood friend to name his child after him, especially as his friend as thankfully reneged on the deal!!! Making the arrangement completely meaningless!

It is 50% your decision. Tell him you arranged with your Barbie that you call the child Victor Bruce Donald, so how about Victor Bruce Donald James!!

Liffey Fri 31-Oct-08 12:07:40

PS, just read the bit about Rory. I love that name.

Also, YOUR father trumps his friend. DURR.

He's being a bit awkward.

KittyCat8 Fri 31-Oct-08 12:13:04

Tee hee... love this bit...grin

"Tell him you arranged with your Barbie that you call the child Victor Bruce Donald, so how about Victor Bruce Donald James!!"

KittyCat8 Fri 31-Oct-08 12:14:01

especially since Bruce is the name of his... ahem... as in Bruce Almighty...grin

Pamina Fri 31-Oct-08 12:15:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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