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Due within a few weeks of both SILs....name etiquette?

(39 Posts)
littlerobyn Sat 13-Jan-18 20:19:38

I'm the last one, so could be the last to give birth. We are all finding out the sex very soon so it might make all this easier then once we know. However with dc1, I really loved being set on a name before birth, we had a back up favourite for the opposite sex just in case the scans were wrong! smile
However I'm really worried that I'll be the last to give birth and one of them will choose the name I have picked. We haven't discussed names but I know from previous conversations years ago we may have similar tastes.

Would it be batshit in this instance to still use the name we'd picked?

I'm worried I'll loose the plot if I have to let go of the name hours before giving birth and pick another when it's taken us about 2 years to agree on a boy/girl name, so it's not like we have a few we like!!!
We all have different surnames if that makes a difference?

PopadomPointer Sat 13-Jan-18 20:30:30

Honestly, I think you might be overthinking things smile

NotAgainYoda Sat 13-Jan-18 20:30:31

I wouldn't use the same name, even though technically there's nothing to say you can't

IsabellaTruffle Sat 13-Jan-18 20:31:04

I think you are over thinking it a little? Unless you all have the same sex child and all go for top 5 names, the possibility of you picking the same of all the thousands of names is quite slim?

If you are that worried then "pick" your name and ask SILs if they had that name in mind.

littlerobyn Sat 13-Jan-18 20:35:13

grin I'm definitely over thinking this aren't I!!

CharlotteC77 Sat 13-Jan-18 20:35:55

If you've already picked a name and are totally set on it, then drop it into conversation with them now so they can rule it out - easy. Or mention it the next time you text, e.g. 'How are you feeling? Any names yet? We've decided we really love X for a girl and Y for a boy - what do you think?'

It'll spoil the surprise but will stop you worrying!

Zillcat Sat 13-Jan-18 21:04:29

I personally would share with them. I am due twins in two weeks. I was devastated this week when DP's cousin gave birth and named her son the same name we had chosen for one of ours.
We had chosen Oliver; I shouldn't have been so shocked due to its popularity and was probably BU to expect the name not to be used by someone close!
We have now 'settled' on another name as we are very close with them so it would have been ridiculously confusing.

DryHeave Sat 13-Jan-18 21:10:47

5 in our family gave birth in 5 consecutive months to 5 boys. I was last. I was determined to use our name even if someone else used it as we’d been using it between ourselves throughout the pregnancy (but not told anyone else at all).

No one spoke about the chances of using the same name and in the end each baby had a different name anyway. You’d probably be surprised at how unlikely it is to choose the same name.

Oysterbabe Sun 14-Jan-18 08:30:59

What's the nam

Oysterbabe Sun 14-Jan-18 08:31:12

e?

NapQueen Sun 14-Jan-18 08:32:27

I would probably say "shall we share our chosen names? Just incase we all want George eg"

Swearwolf Sun 14-Jan-18 08:39:02

Why not just talk to them? Chances are they've thought about this too. Just ask them if they've got a name sorted and if they want to share just in case it's the same, as you've decided on X. How popular a name is it, is there a good chance they would happen to pick the same? It's probably more likely for Oliver than Barnabas, for example.

UnitedKungdom Sun 14-Jan-18 08:46:18

Just share the name you are going to use with them. I don't know what the big 'reveal' is with names, nobody gives a shit really when they hear the name. And in this case it's in your interest to tell them now.

Kintan Sun 14-Jan-18 08:51:36

Personally I don’t think there is any point sharing names. Even if they have picked the same as you there is no guarantee they will agree to change their choice,and if they have their baby first they’ll probably feel more entitled to use it on a first come first served basis. Alternatively if f they haven’t chosen the same name you might be giving them that idea!

PrimeraVez Sun 14-Jan-18 10:39:12

It's a tough one! DH's cousin was due to have a baby boy two days before me, and I was so nervous they would choose 'our' name, as I think we have pretty similar taste. In the end we just decided that whatever happened, we would still use it. (It turned out not to be an issue - they chose something I would never have predicted!)

I guess it depends what kind of relationship you all have.

Can you say something like 'have you guys thought much about names yet?' And then drop in something like 'I think we're 95% decided'. If they say they've chosen, you can always turn it into a joke and say something like 'shall we tell each other what letter it begins with to make sure we haven't chosen the same name?'

Parker231 Sun 14-Jan-18 10:45:46

It doesn’t matter if they use a name you like, you can still give the same name to your baby. We have several ‘family ‘ names which are used by more than one baby and it hasn’t caused any problems - each new baby is an individual regardless of their name.

pinkyredrose Sun 14-Jan-18 10:53:52

Drop it into conversation now so they can rule it out

Why? Why would they be expected to drop a name they may have set thier heart on just because OP loves it too? I've honestly never understand this. OP you can still use the name if someone close to you uses it too.

Leilaniiii Sun 14-Jan-18 10:56:59

If it bothers you that much, sneak off now for a private sexing scan then buy a onesie with your DC's name on and post a pic of it on FB. "It's a boy! Can't wait to meet you Baby David!". Or whatever name you have planned.

BakewellTart01 Sun 14-Jan-18 11:00:53

I think you are overthinking. My DSIL gave birth 4 weeks before me with DC2. It was her DC1 and they were the same sex. They did pick our name. DH and I had a few swear words and went back to the drawing board.

Mattresstestermax Sun 14-Jan-18 11:01:49

I was due close to a friend who we see often enough that this was a consideration. We had a name and a back up, which we’d have used if they’d used our name. Interestingly discussed it with them after the babies arrived and they’d decided they’d stick to their name whatever we did.

CharlotteC77 Sun 14-Jan-18 11:12:53

@pinkyredrose I don't mean they'd HAVE to rule it out. But most people have a list of potential names during pregnancy (rather than 'The One') and if someone I knew was using one of them, I'd take it off the list. If they've picked a name and settled on it and it happens to be the same as the OPs name, that's a different matter and it would be up to them whether to stick with it or change it - each to their own on that one.

IsabellaTruffle Sun 14-Jan-18 11:18:09

I always find it a bit weird when people.say it wouldn't matter having the same name. Unless it was an important name to me, like a family tradition, or named after a relation theres no way I'd call my child by their cousins name? And I'd find it very odd if my sibling called their child the name my DC had, very confusing and unnecessary for everyone given there are thousands of other names.

If you are deadset on a name and don't want them to "pick" it all you can do is have a conversation and say X is our boys name, and see if thats a name anyone else has in mind. A friend of mine has a DC called a fairly common name like "Jack" and a year later another of our close friends (at the same school) called her son Jack. Was quite bizzare and a bit confusing let alone in the same family.

FreddieClaryHorshieLion Sun 14-Jan-18 11:21:09

You could talk with them about the possibility of you choosing the same name..? But I wouldn’t mention ‘your’name, tbh.

It seems to cause more issues than it solves any.

FreddieClaryHorshieLion Sun 14-Jan-18 11:22:34

*solves. Anyhow, I really believe that no one owns a name. I wouldn’t worry too much.

Bobbiepin Sun 14-Jan-18 11:25:34

I was worried about this with our NCT group. Thankfully all babies ended up with different names (and our DD was born first so no idea if any of them had her name in mind). However, friends of ours had twins two months before DD was born and they used our boys name. DH said I wasn't allowed to be annoyed because we hadn't discussed it and we were having a girl -but I was still annoyed-.

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