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AIBU?

to think that it's unfair to accuse a woman of 'trapping' a man if he willingly had unprotected sex with her?

29 replies

sohighoh · 01/11/2009 23:30

Not my first post, have name changed, troll-seekers.
A close friend of mine recently told us that she conceived her DS by sleeping with an old boyfriend in the hope she'd get pregnant. He initiated the sex, said he didn't have a condom, she told him to 'be careful' as she wasn't on the pill, but he went ahead and came inside her, which led, miraculously to her DS. However, many of our mutual 'friends' have slagged her off for 'trapping him.' Surely, even if a woman secretly hopes she will get pregnant, she is NOT trapping a bloke if he initiates sex without giving a shit about contraception himself? AIBU?

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ShinyAndNew · 01/11/2009 23:33

You know you are not BU! Your 'friends' are though.

ErikaMaye · 01/11/2009 23:33

Well yes it was irresponsible of him to have unprotected sex with her, but it was also incredably irresponsible and rather bizzare really for her to delibrately trying to fall pregnant.

FluffysBeenBittenByAVampire · 01/11/2009 23:33

Both as bad as each other to be honest.

thelunar66 · 01/11/2009 23:34

Oooh.. I dunno.. she told him to be careful and he knew she wasn't on the pill. They are equally guilty then.

Perhaps he could be accused of trapping her!

pippa251 · 02/11/2009 08:05

yabu

they are both to blame but she did it with INTENT

shame on her

Flightattendant · 02/11/2009 08:10

I think she was wrong to sleep with him knowing she wanted to be pregnant, considering he wouldn't have realised this.

Very passive aggressive thing to do if she is angry with him for some reason, (I know - done it myself) and it may create a lot of trouble in terms of child-father relations, depending on father's reaction and behaviour.

So a completely daft thing to do imo. He ought to have used protection if he didn't want her to get pg though, obviously, just he probably didn't think about it/assumed she would take MAP etc etc. A lot of blokes think this way.

TombliBoobs · 02/11/2009 08:10

Agree with Fluffy, both as bad as each other, her for setting out to get pregnant (though she did actually warn him) and him for not knowing the basics of how to make a baby!

LaurieScaryCake · 02/11/2009 08:11

fairly sure he came with the intent of coming

he bears a lot of the responsibility - he is the one jizzing inside - he chose to jizz after being told she was unprotected

Thinking anything else is somehow giving the message that "men can't control themselves - men can't stop"

Bollocks, he could have pulled out.

belgo · 02/11/2009 08:11

Don't blame her, if she wanted a baby. If he was stupid enough to knowingly have unprotected sex, then he has to deal with the consequences.

Flightattendant · 02/11/2009 08:11

I think were they in a full on relationship it would be different tbh.

And sleeping with someone in order to get pregnant without having mutually agreed this could be construed as using them, which is unreasonable in itself, but happens.

QuintessentialShadows · 02/11/2009 08:13

Seems like they trapped eachother, she because she wants a child (and I am assuming she is single and saw no other way) and him for having unprotected sex. For whatever her intent, he should KNOW that unprotected sex might lead to a pregnancy.

KimiTheThreadSlayingRocket · 02/11/2009 08:16

Poor child, with parents like that

LoveBeingAMummy · 02/11/2009 08:18

Defo not trapping in my book, she told him she wasn't on the pill or anything so he KNEW it could happen. Sorry he knew the risk and was prepared to take it.

belgo · 02/11/2009 08:19

Kimi many children are conceived in far dodgier circumstances. It doesn't mean that the parents will be bad parents.

WhiteRoses · 02/11/2009 09:18

How can she define who initiated it? If she wanted it and hoped she'd get pregnant, was she not leading him on? Even subconsciously? He may have been the one to actually suggest it but you don't know what happened before he did...

Would agree that they're equally responsible though. Don't think she "trapped" him. He has a brain and could've chosen to stop (or not start!) if he'd wanted to! Had she said she was on the pill, or allowed him to assume she was, it'd be different.

ChunkyKitKat · 02/11/2009 09:35

'Trapping him?' He is equally as responsible, YANBU.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 02/11/2009 09:41

She wanted to get pregnant. She had unprotected sex with someone after telling him she was not on the pill - therefore pregnancy could ensue. He chose to continue regardless, so pregnancy ensued. It's not rocket science!
Would she have been 'blameless' if she had not actually wanted to get pregnant but had kept the baby anyway?

What a load of shit. So many men are more than happy to ejaculate inside women with no protection then act surprised and 'violated' when a pregnancy occurs. Either fucking idiots or fucking entitled misogynist pigs.

Sassybeast · 02/11/2009 09:45

As bad as each other and rather than worrying about who was most 'wrong', I'd be telling them to get themselves checked out for STIs pronto. Idiots. And poor baby.

MarshaBrady · 02/11/2009 09:47

You can't say whether she will be a good parent or not. Maybe she will be a great mother, with or without the father's help. (And maybe he will be a good father.)

Both responsible btw.

elmotaughtddtousethepotty · 02/11/2009 09:59

you don't say whether he minds or not that she's now had his child?? but i think the friends ABU to slag her off but not him when they both did it knowingly. unprotected sex can = pregnancy so he's a liable as she is. just lucky for her that she's happy with the outcome and bully for him if he's not. men need to take equal responsibility for themselves and its not as though she lied and told him she was on the pill, or even said nothing - she told him she was unprotected. he chose to go ahead.

Sn0wflake · 02/11/2009 10:00

Two things I want to know.

Does she want him to have an active role in the childs life and did she tell him that she wanted to have a kid before she had sex with him?

I think he may have thought twice if he knew she wanted a baby and lets face it she may have placed herself in his path when she was at the right time in the month.

I don't think she was really open with him, she was dishonest on some level but having said that he brought it all on himself so he will have to live with it. But not really nice actions on her part.

Morloth · 02/11/2009 10:17

My God, you are not implying that men are grown ups and have responsibility for their own actions are you?

We all know women are evil really and just out to make their lives miserable.

Two stupid people had knowingly unprotected sex, now there is a baby on the way. That is how it works.

StretchStinkyandFatso · 02/11/2009 10:18

Not trapping, but both idiots IMO.

thecookiemumster · 02/11/2009 10:41

Some people have no standards. They are both equally digusting.

Sharpyharpy · 02/11/2009 10:49

Your friend say she told him she was not protected but wanted to get pregnant ?????? yeh not so sure

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