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more of a "who's right"? (its me though, isn't it? ;o)

(41 Posts)
pooexplosions Wed 21-Oct-09 22:24:22

OK! MN Jury duty here...Whats the right thing to do here?

You are renovating your kitchen and taking out all the old cabinets. You think they are awful, but your neighbour mentions they like them and are looking for more to extend their kitchen (exactly the same as yours in style and shape). You offer neighbour whatever they want from yours when removed, they offer to pay you, you say no need. Builders remove them and neighbour takes most of the cabinets, again offers you money, you say no need, we are throwing them out anyway.
Couple of months later neighbour puts thank you card through your door with money inside, card says you saved them a fortune and enclosed is a gift of cash (roughly 15%ish) of what they saved, but to you its really a lot of money.

Your OH says you should give it back as it wasn't necessary and its too much money to accept. You want to keep it, a) because you could really do with the money, b) it would be embarassing to give it back and c) you insisted at the time there was no need, so they must really want to.

So, who is right?

RubyrubyrubysAScaryOldBint Wed 21-Oct-09 22:26:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hassled Wed 21-Oct-09 22:27:23

You are. Your OH needs to look at it from their point of view as well - if they don't pay anything, then they're accepting your charity and will always feel beholden to you - and some people are very proud about that sort of thing.

colditz Wed 21-Oct-09 22:27:47

If you give it back they will be insulted

SoWhat Wed 21-Oct-09 22:27:54

I would keep it.

largeginandtonic Wed 21-Oct-09 22:29:46

keep it

Vallhala Wed 21-Oct-09 22:30:27

My pal's remark would be 'Gracious, humble acceptance'. On this I think she would be right. You've said there was no need for payment and meant it, you offered a kindness for which the neighbours are clearly grateful, they sound like lovely people... and you have saved them money.

I think the polite and thoughtful thing to do would be to accept it with thanks and the obvious surprise that you have. If I was your neighour I'd have done the same and felt guilty and embarrassed if you handed the money back.

Lucky you to have such nice neighbours - and lucky them for the same.

ChilloHippi Wed 21-Oct-09 22:30:36

Keep it. YOu made it clear that you didn't want paying in the first place, but they must be so pleased and so grateful.

TrillianSlasher Wed 21-Oct-09 22:32:31

Keep it. They will be upset/insulted if you give it back.

They have the cabinets they want at a ssving of 85%, you have given them something you didn't want/need. You both win.

salbysea Wed 21-Oct-09 22:33:28

they may actually have pride issues

there is a good chance that you will be making them feel better by accepting it and if you returned it they might feel insulted/embarrassed

6feetundertheGroundhogs Wed 21-Oct-09 22:33:51

How wonderful! Keep the money, if you feel in any way awkward, invite them round to dinner!

Nice one, just in time for Christmas too!!

FlamingoBingo Wed 21-Oct-09 22:34:38

Keep it. It would be the height of rudeness to give it back! What an insult to them!

If your DH feels that strongly about you having the money, then thank them graciously and then give it to charity. But don't tell them and don't give it back - please!

nighbynight Wed 21-Oct-09 22:34:42

Keep it, and thank them with a big smile!

diddl Wed 21-Oct-09 22:37:35

You can´t give it back.

If you don´t want/need it, give it to charity.

anonymous85 Wed 21-Oct-09 22:38:58

I'd say keep it, you've instisted so many times and they really must want to, probably makes them feel better?

PfftTheMagicDragon Wed 21-Oct-09 22:39:06

You should keep it. Not because you need it, but because they clearly wanted to give it. They were happy to pay for the units, they wanted them and would have paid for new ones, you have done them a favour.

As they asked twice and you refused twice it will be clear to them that you did not expect money for them. However, your DH should accept that as you have refused twice and they have given you money anyway, they clearly feel uncomfortable with having them for free.

I would be gracious, say you didn't expect it but thank you.

edam Wed 21-Oct-09 22:39:17

You are right, dh is wrong, neighbours are lovely (and so are you). smile

MadBadAndWieldingAnAxe Wed 21-Oct-09 22:41:27

Keep it. They are obviously very determined to give you a gift and it would be churlish to hand it back. If you feel awkward (and your children are the right age) you could say that you'll put it in their child trust fund.

Twintummy Wed 21-Oct-09 22:44:22

Keep it and send it on the DC's for christmas!

LauraIngallsWilder Wed 21-Oct-09 22:46:11

Keep it

VicarInaBooTu Wed 21-Oct-09 22:50:48

id thank them profusely, buy them some flowers and keep the money!

Ronaldinhio Wed 21-Oct-09 22:52:18

keep lovely

KristinaM Wed 21-Oct-09 22:53:54

you are right. you were right to say no originally, but now they have sent a gift it would be rude to return it

as other poster says, send a note saying you will spend it on the kids at Christmas

you are very wise to stay on excellent terms with your neighbours smile

Poledra Wed 21-Oct-09 22:55:48

Keep it, and bask in the warm glow of having a great relationship with your neighbours - always a good thing to have IMHO.

SlartyBartFast Wed 21-Oct-09 23:00:31

it woudl definitely make them feel better to know that they had paid you for the cupboards, easier to accept freebies from strangers than neighbours.

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