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Or am I being precious?

(32 Posts)
TheWorstWitch Wed 09-Sep-09 11:31:49

Have a 2 year old DD and volunteered to look after her 2 year old friend plus 6 month old baby brother while her mum went off to a meeting. Another friend of ours (who has a 2 year old and a 4 month old baby came to help out).

I'm just wondering if I'm a bit precious or is this okay?

Friend tells us 2 year old DD is fully potty trained, but she ends up peeing everywhere in my house including my bed shock. And when collected by her Mum, her mum says that she is fully potty trained, but just doesn't tell you when she needs to go hmm.

6 month old is crying desperately and I realise that he is probably hungry. My friend who is helping me babysit tells me to hold off giving him any milk until all the children are ready to have a nap so he can nap with them. But the baby was screaming shock and I insisted on giving him his milk when he wanted it.

Friend then put her 4 month old in my bed to sleep, despite me having put out a mattress on floor for the babies, and then she half covers him with our duvet.
At nappy change, she also left him on our changing table and said he didn't know how to roll yet.
I know it's been a while since my DD was a baby, but I thought that you should never leave them as they might roll anytime. And never cover them with a duvet.

I've also found out that my friends leave their children in the car when they are sleeping to go to the shops, etc.

I've never done any of these things with my DD. Am I being a bit precious, and should I lighten up a bit, or are my Mum friends just a bit ose?

PrincessToadstool Wed 09-Sep-09 11:33:41

I don't get most of your post. You're slagging off your friend, right?

TheWorstWitch Wed 09-Sep-09 11:37:55

No, am absolutely not slagging anyone off. They're my friends FFS.

Just wondering if I'm being a bit precious with my parenting, or are they being a bit daring????

LightShinesInTheDarkness Wed 09-Sep-09 11:41:28

No, I don't think you are being precious as such, but you and your friend have different ideas about what is acceptable. Probably no correct answers here, who is right or wrong, but you are different.

bigchris Wed 09-Sep-09 11:42:21

i dont know how inviting your second friend who has a baby was going to help you look after your first friends children
but yes not to feed a baby when its hungry is nuts
depends what sort of shopping you are talking about - leaving a sleeping baby while you go round tesco isnt on, but paying for petrol is fine

TheWorstWitch Wed 09-Sep-09 11:43:40

Yeah, we agree that we are different. We actually say that to each other and have a joke about it.

But I just wanted to gage weather I was abnormally precious.

generalunrest Wed 09-Sep-09 11:43:47

Only IMO, but some of the things you're saying are perhaps a matter of parental choice/opinion like the duvet thing, but the leaving them in a car while the go shopping is something I've never understood how anyone can risk it. If your friends are doing it, I'm not sure how you can bring anything up about it and still remain their friend as they obviously thinks it's OK and would see you as interfering.

Are you having a bad day Princess??

yojojo Wed 09-Sep-09 11:47:06

erm ok,
your friendwho is the mother of 2 year old should have warned you that you need to put her on the potty regularly to prevent accidents. that would be annoying!
I think the risk of covering the baby with the duvet is in case the baby wriggles under it and overheats/suffocates.But if you check on the baby then don't really see a problem,never really understood how a baby could wriggle so much it ended up right under a duvet anyway!
Probably not a good idea to leave a baby lying on a changing table but again the risk of the baby suddenly rolling and falling off the table are very small and i'm guessing she ddin't leave the baby for more than a few seconds.
Each to their own i suppose,wouldn't spend too much time worrying about what your friends are doing as long as you are happy with your own parenting.Theyre doing their best and so are you.

TheWorstWitch Wed 09-Sep-09 11:48:10

bigchris - No, inviting 2nd friend with toddler and baby in tow didn't help at all but I had no experience in this. lesson learned now.

Leaving a baby sleeping whilst picking someone up from train station and had to be asked by a passer by if the child screaming in the car was hers. My friend told me she did this in a very light hearted manner, but I just could never have done this and felt a bit of a wimp for having never left my child in car, no not even to get petrol (which I think is quite normal).

Weegle Wed 09-Sep-09 11:51:28

Ok the pee-ing everywhere - that would annoy me. She's not potty trained and it was unreasonable of you to expect to be happy to have your house covered in pee - slight difference to a one off.

You were also not being unreasonable over feeding the baby.

Your friend who was there can do what the heck she likes with her baby - her call. Even if you wouldn't do it. I frequently left DS on a changing table (I'd still be in the room) for a long time beyond 4 months - he didn't roll until after he crawled (9m) and I just knew my DS - he wasn't physically capable of doing it. I know people get caught unawares with that, but I honestly knew DS wasn't able to - maybe she's the same?

Shoppingveggie Wed 09-Sep-09 11:53:00

I don't think you are being precious - I never left my babies (at any age) on the changing unit, or in the car, (or on a bouncy chair on a kitchen work surface which I have seen people do) - just think it is not worth the possible, albeit unlikely, consequences that could result from these actions.

I am not some "super mum" - just one that doesn't want to think "if only I hadn't done that".

Yikes hmm first time I have posted on an AIBU thread!

WidowWadman Wed 09-Sep-09 11:53:28

Worstwitch - If you're being precious then so am I. If I'd see a child screaming in a car with no adult right next to the car, I'd call police straightaway, to be honest.

As for buying petrol, I'm thankful for pay at the pump, as that way I don't have to wrestle my daughter out of the seat. If it's not available I do.

PrincessToadstool Wed 09-Sep-09 11:56:01

Why does it have to be precious or daring? Why the need for validation in the form of AIBU? What do you think you might be being unreasonable about?

I don't leave my DS in the car except to pay for petrol, I fed him on demand and I changed him on the floor but that does not make me precious. OTOH I let him have Quavers now and then and we watch tele every day. Yet neither am I daring.

Shoppingveggie Wed 09-Sep-09 11:56:42

ooh - just read my message back - its REALLY hard to convey exactly what you mean isn't it!


mel1981 Wed 09-Sep-09 12:00:37

YNBU I also dont agree with a lot of what your friends done.
I wouldnt make a hungry baby wait just so it could nap with the other kids.
I would NEVER leave a kid in the car. I wouldnt leave a kid on a changing table or put a duvet ovet them.
Theres nothing wrong with being over cautious at all, but everyone does have their own ways and at the end of the day i'd hate someone telling me my ways were wrong just cause its different from their ways. Which might I add has been done.
Just grin and bare it smile

TheWorstWitch Wed 09-Sep-09 12:01:17

Princess - daring as in taking the risk that something might happen to them (ie they choose that very moment to roll over for the first time).

Are you called Princess for a reason? And what has tele and quavers got to do with anything?
And what does OTOH mean?

mel1981 Wed 09-Sep-09 12:44:50

on the other hand?

mel1981 Wed 09-Sep-09 12:47:59

I wouldnt say being risking my childs (or any childs) safety is being 'daring' its just being unresponsable. IMO I'd rather do anything I can to keep my kids safe.

Roomfor2 Wed 09-Sep-09 12:58:26

I think it might be the difference between your friends who both have 2 DCs and you who has just one so far (unless I misunderstood your post).

I'm expecting DC2 and know I was totally precious with DC1 (still am really!) but hopefully will not be so much with DC2.

However, some things are still wrong whether you have 1 DC or 10 - leaving in the car to go round the shops, putting a 4mth old under a duvet unattended (IMO) and not telling you about the peeing thing are all a bit off if you ask me.

Having said that, if I was to hand my DCs over to someone not overly familiar with them, I can guarantee that I would forget to convey some critical piece of information (like the need to ask about the potty maybe) just through having so much to think about. Maybe she was thinking more about the needs of the baby and forgot to mention the potty thing for the older child? Easily done I guess.

TheWorstWitch Wed 09-Sep-09 13:13:57

Roomfor2 - that's just what I was wondering: whether having 2nd DC makes you a bit less precious.
And, yes friend was much more concerned about handing over baby to me than toddler so probably did slip her mind.

Good luck with your DC2.

sandcastles Wed 09-Sep-09 13:23:34

Well, re the peeing...I am assuming at 2 that she has only recently potty trained, so imo it is up to you to remiond her to use the potty/toilet.

However, I do not feel it is your friends place to suggest 'holding off' his food. Just as it isn't her place to leave him unattended on the bed/change table.

mel1981 Wed 09-Sep-09 13:25:34

im on DS number 3 and im probably more cautious than before. LOL
Maybe just me then lol

bigchris Wed 09-Sep-09 13:31:29

'Leaving a baby sleeping whilst picking someone up from train station and had to be asked by a passer by if the child screaming in the car was hers.'

sad i guess the pickup might have taken longer than she at first thought?

Roomfor2 Wed 09-Sep-09 13:52:46

thanks worstwitch grin

TheWorstWitch Wed 09-Sep-09 13:54:23

sandcastles - I had no idea that you had to ask/remind to use toilet as my DD is not ready so have no experience of this.
think my friend just forgot to tell me because she was so anxious about leaving baby.

bigchris - you can see the trains coming in from the car park, so I would've sat in the car / stood outside the car until I saw train and then shout out to the person they were collecting - it is a pretty quiet and small station. Or phone person and tell them they were in car park?
If I'd had done this to my DD, she would be traumatised ... or may be she would've been okay?

We really all are very different. Glad I'm not the only one who is precious, makes me feel less of an oddity.

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