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To meet an old friend we all fell out with?

(29 Posts)
chosenone Mon 03-Aug-09 14:33:25

Im probably going to sound about 14 here but it is a tricky situation and am not sure whether I am BU? My friendship group ( mainly female) fell out with one of the other girls about 2 years ago! There was a disagreement over something pretty major and 2 of my friends had it out with her and felt they were then lied to! The rest of us kept out of it, the next thing we knew said girl disspeared to live wth her partner elsewhere and we lost touch/didn't speak! I sent a text about 2 months after the event and was told she'd moved on and she was happier without us, fair enough! Years later we got in touch through facebook and got on quite well catching up on kids, partners etc and it was fine. However my friendship group is not happy and although the word traitor hasn't been used, its what they're thinking. I had actually thought about meeting her for a catch up but the others are seriously not happy about this! DH thinks its fine as I was friends with this girl since school, some of the freinds are more bothererd than others! am I a traitor? am i BU? Is it taking things one step too far after all this time?

MamaLazarou Mon 03-Aug-09 14:35:46

Can I ask what the friends originally fell out over?

FluffyBunnyGoneBad Mon 03-Aug-09 14:36:02

I think your friends need to grow up to be honest, you are free to contact whom ever you please. It's your life, if they can't accept this then they are not the friends you think they are.

chosenone Mon 03-Aug-09 14:38:23

They fell out over a man basically! It was a case of stop flirting with the man I fancy, then the man said he'd slept with the girl! The hurt party felt that she'd been hurt too many times by the girl as something similar happened a few years before this!

HecatesTwopenceworth Mon 03-Aug-09 14:42:02

are they 12? Be different if she was flirting with someone in a relationship with one of them! But flirting with someone that someone else also liked but was a free agent? hmm They need to grow up. The hurt party I mean. They had no claim on this man did they? Maybe he just didn't like them!

You can't sleep with my friend because I like you. hmm

you can't 'claim' someone!

Pathetic, imo.

Mumcentreplus Mon 03-Aug-09 14:44:27

hmm explain the moment your friends sound like they need to grow up..

tallulahbelly Mon 03-Aug-09 14:48:30

They're trying to control you just like they tried to control her.

Be friends with her if you want.

They'll probably freeze you out but they aren't worth keeping in with.

If it's not this they'll exclude you sooner or later for some other sin.

heliotrope Mon 03-Aug-09 15:21:27

Yup they all sound about 14!
You should meet her if you get on well and want to keep in touch. Sounds like the two of you have grown up more than the others... Unless you really feel strongly about the original issue, so strongly that you feel some kind of loyalty to the ones that originally got in the argument.

Firawla Mon 03-Aug-09 17:31:17

its none of their business who you see, and the whole thing sounds quite immature. you don't need your friends permission for anything, you can do what you want!

Swedes Mon 03-Aug-09 17:37:38

You need to decide whether you want to be friends with the Heathers or the girl that the Heathers fell out with. High school will be kinda hard if you fall out with the Heathers, I guess.

OrmIrian Mon 03-Aug-09 17:39:42

Oh good lord! May I suggest you dump the lot? It sounds too much like hard work.

RealityIsHavingAPartay Mon 03-Aug-09 17:46:12

Message withdrawn

squeaver Mon 03-Aug-09 17:49:07

You're right, it does sound like you're all 14.

BeckynSteve Mon 03-Aug-09 17:57:43

Nice reference Swedes!

Chosenone - I reckon you might as well go meet up with her. You don't actaully have to tell everyone about it anyway, do you!? besides, you might meet up with her and find that you don't want to hang out much anymore anyway...

sleeplessinstretford Mon 03-Aug-09 19:58:57

i had a couple of friends who fell out because one friend slept with someone that another friend had also slept with-the guy was actually a friend of mine and neither of them wanted to go out with him-first friend slept with him then a year or so later another one did-then the first said the second was a tramp for doing it.
for some reason i went along with this (cutting the second friend out altogether as it was easier) i've since apologised to friend number 2 as she's the one who causes me less problems and is most 'normal' fuck the gang off and do what you want.

mrsjammi Mon 03-Aug-09 20:02:37

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JRocks Mon 03-Aug-09 20:11:15

It's not up to other people to choose your friends for you!

I actually had something similar happen at school, but given that it was over 15 years ago, I am now quite friendly with the girl who everyone fell out with. Seemed a bit childish to judge someone on what they did as a teenager.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Mon 03-Aug-09 20:15:17

You can be friends with whoever you want.

You don't need anyones permission.

chosenone Mon 03-Aug-09 20:34:00

wow, interesting responses! two of my group feel quite hurt that I would want to get back in contact with her and the others aren't that bothererd but seem surprised! maybe its because we've been friends for sooo long that we still have the same sort of hierarchy and pack mentality we did have at school! One friend is so much happier now we don't see the outsted one as she felt 'bullied' by her! I never knew this until recently. Its difficult rocking the boat but I do want to see the friend and feel guilty at how much I've missed in her life. Appreciate the Heathers reference!smile

BitOfFun Mon 03-Aug-09 20:38:16

<ahem> I don't mean to be rude, but some of the other threads are running out of exclamation marks...could we borrow some of yours? grin

FabBakerGirlIsBack Mon 03-Aug-09 20:40:02

have 2 separate friends groups

you don't have to see everyone you know at the same time

Tinfoil Tue 04-Aug-09 04:15:23

Can't anyone agree to disagree, within the friendship group? Why should everyone have to have exactly the same opinions or relationships with other friends?

DandyLioness Tue 04-Aug-09 10:43:26

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DandyLioness Tue 04-Aug-09 10:50:35

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chosenone Tue 04-Aug-09 15:43:35

I always over use !!!! always have always will!!!! my ousted friend would understand! grin

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