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Am I being unreasonable about pre school?

(35 Posts)
petnik Thu 04-Jun-09 10:16:32

OK i'm probably being paranoid but my DD starts pre school in September and she will be three. At the moment I can control what she sees on TV, what she knows about, the stories she reads etc. I am worried that once in pre school she will hear about all sorts of stuff i don't think she is old enough for from other children. How have you dealt with this? The pre school is part of an infant / junior school but has it's own play area but she will be mixing with reception class. Am I being too much of a control freak? She already has nightmares about "the big bad wolf"!!! PS this is my first ever post on the site so hello to all.

itwasntme Thu 04-Jun-09 10:19:46

Relax, she will hear things that you may or may not want her to hear, but it is your job to put it all in context for her.

My dd has been at school for two years, with very few problems, and if there is something she asks me about, we just talk about it.

HSMM Thu 04-Jun-09 10:22:13

They learn a lot of things at pre school and school which are not on the curriculum, but (as said above) it is up to you to put it into context.

MorningTownRide Thu 04-Jun-09 10:22:58

Give it a few weeks and she will be talking non stop about bums and poo.

I think you need to relax...she will love it!

Hassled Thu 04-Jun-09 10:23:46

Welcome . It is really hard, this letting go business - you do have my sympathy and it is understandable. But the children around her will be just like her, with worried mothers and nightmares about things and all the rest of it.

And at some point along the way she will hear words/phrases/stories you'd rather she hadn't, whether it's this year or when she's 10, but all you can do is deal with it as it arises. Think of it as good practise for the day she leaves for University Being a parent is a lot to do with teaching your child independence, and to do that you have to give up some of your control over things. She will be fine.

nellie12 Thu 04-Jun-09 10:24:06

I've got one in reception and one in nursery and I honestly haven't heard anything undesirable yet. I think ds2 is still in his own world he's only bothered about dinosaurs and his eddies at the mo.

blametheparents Thu 04-Jun-09 10:24:19

I agree with itwasntme.
DS is now in Yr 3 and and tbh although he does come out with some things I feel that at this age the home influence is still the greatest. He does not know any swear words, for example, and although he says 'My friends watch x, y, z' I just say we are not watching it at home.

DD is at pre-school now and I think she naturally mixes with those children she feel s comfortable with, and does not tend to mix so much with those children that might start telling her things etc.

It is something I was very worried about when DS started school, but everything has been fine.

nellie12 Thu 04-Jun-09 10:24:45


mylifemykids Thu 04-Jun-09 10:26:10

I worried when DS started last year too but it's been fine. He did hit the poo/bum/willy/boobies stage earlier than I thought he would but apart from that we've had no trouble really grin

barnsleybelle Thu 04-Jun-09 10:28:04

She will start talking about things that you have previously shielded her from, but it's important for her development. Better to have it now so that you can explain things to her, than when she get's to "big" school where it gets worse!!!!

Have you read books to her about starting playschool, there are a good selection at the library.

I know you are concerned, it's natural as it's such a big change for mum too! However, try not to let your concerns be picked up by dd as it will reinforce her fears.

She will love playschool, it's so good for them.. Mine sobbed for 3 solid weeks when i left him, but was fine after i'd gone and eventually couldn't wait to go.

saintmaybe Thu 04-Jun-09 10:28:07

Hi Petnick!
One way of looking at parenting is as a gradual process of letting go. From your body, from your breast, from your arms, from your sight, from your house. It's the hardest bit, one of the most important and it never stops!
You give her a solid loving place to come back to and she'll be fine.

barnsleybelle Thu 04-Jun-09 10:30:47

saintmaybe... you've just made me fill up with that lovely worded post. smile

mylifemykids Thu 04-Jun-09 10:36:17

Where's the bit about cutting the apron strings though grin

AMumInScotland Thu 04-Jun-09 10:36:34

Hi, as others have said, part of your responsibility as a parent is to protect her, but the other part is to give her independence. She needs the opportunity to hear things which are not your choices, in order to start weighing up different attitudes and behaviours and practice making decisions about what she does and thinks and says. That will happen at some stage, and it is usually a good thing for them to start doing that at a preschool age, when they are well-supervised and in a safe and controlled environment. If you chose not to send her now because of your worries, it just puts off this experience till school - when she will be mixing with a wider age-range and hearing more things.

So yes she will hear things you wouldn't have chosen, but they won't be terrible things. And the values that you teach her at home will still be the most important ones to her for a long while yet, so she will weigh up whether its ok to do/say things in the light of what you have already shown her in life.

petnik Thu 04-Jun-09 12:49:40

Wow you guys are all great. Thanks so much for all this especially saintmaybe it is a beautiful post. I feel more confident about her going after hearing how you lot have coped and it's put things in to perspective for me. Thank You

EachPeachPearMum Thu 04-Jun-09 12:58:54

Welcome to mn!
One of the things you can control is what happens at home- your values/beliefs are still the same, and you can reinforce those, but it does give great opportunities to discuss with your child how many different ways of doing things and lifestyles there are- all important for them growing up as part of a wider community.

donnymouse Thu 04-Jun-09 15:34:35

Heres a radical idea, don't send her. Let her have 2 wonderful extra years at home with her wonderful mum, doing all sorts of wonderful things that you do now.

I can guarantee that she will not suffer at all.

donnymouse Thu 04-Jun-09 15:35:57

Three year olds do not need to be independant from thier mothers, that is a lie born in the socialist movement in order to rip the hearts of the children away from thier parents and fill it with the state paid for teachers and leaders.

donnymouse Thu 04-Jun-09 15:38:00

and your instincts are perfectly correct they where given to you for a reason. If you feel bad about it, dont do it. You dont have to go along with the crowd, you can forge your own path.

Flame me I dont care.

BonsoirAnna Thu 04-Jun-09 15:39:49

Don't worry! She will be just fine.

My DD started pre-school at 2.10 (French école maternelle). She got more molly-coddled at school than at home, in many ways! But it really is good for children of about 3 to have a regular group activity with a teacher and no parents. It gets them gently into the swing of things in preparation for proper school.

barnsleybelle Thu 04-Jun-09 15:40:52

donnymouse.... I think you have put a very good point across for the other side of it.

donnymouse Thu 04-Jun-09 15:52:14

I remember the feeling of utter betrayal when I was first left at playschool. I wanted to be with my mum and my mum wanted to be with me. She hid round the corner and waited for coming out time. We were both forced by society into a situation neither of us wanted, but felt that we had to in order to be percieved as normal.

With my first son, I did the same thing, although my son put up a much stronger reaction that I did. He screamed and held on for dear life, I went against all my better insticts as a mother and forced him to stay. He has never forgotten to this day.

Then school, I got the best school I could but he was so upset from the nursery years he could not cope and nearly had a break-down at 5.5 years.

So I ripped up the social rule book and took him out of school, and we have never looked back.

I want to be the person who heals the hurt, and has the joy of seeing new discoverys. I want to my children to be dependant on me, me who knows and loves them best of all, until they are ready in their own time to carve out independance for themselves.

Rant over

lucyellensmumisgreat Thu 04-Jun-09 16:36:49

oh don't worry, she'll be fine, she NEEDs to find out about the big wide world - one step at a time of course. My daughter has spent a very happy year at pre school and i was so proud the other day when she told me off saying "Don;t do that mummy you're a butt head" She'll be fine!! She will, honestly - i had all those feelings, i thought my DD would be distraught - she wasn't She loves her nursery, she has days when she doesn't want to go - so, so long as i am sure she is not wanting to go on that day, i dont send her, but most days she goes.

donny, i think you make a brilliant point too. I don't think it would work for ME, because i think i would struggle to stimulate DD enough, im quite envious actually, that you can. Good luck to you xx

ilovetochat Thu 04-Jun-09 16:42:35

donnymouse, your post interests me greatly as although i know they dont have to start any schooling at all till 5 i have never met anyone who hasnt packed them off to nursery at 3.

Babieseverywhere Thu 04-Jun-09 18:25:47

My DD is also starting a similar set up with a school based foundation unit in September. She will be just 3 years old and I am already quietly panicing.

I think it is normal to worry about your children and their needs and fears.

In my case I am more concerned about my daughters flexible approach to 'sharing' and her bubbly strong personality might be too much for some children...sigh.

I am sure both our daughters will settle in fine

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