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in thinking it's ok for dh to miss dd's birthday?

(17 Posts)
canofworms Mon 20-Oct-08 17:05:57

Dh does some consultancy work occasionally and it pays very well grin

But the next lot of dates he's got are right across dd's birthday - she's going to be 6. We've asked her if it would be ok daddy not being here and she says it is.

On the other hand, dh could get someone else to do one day for him so he would get back by her bedtime (hopefully) - it's a 4-hour drive away!!

The biggest but to this is he'd have to pay the other guy around £1000 to go instead and money's a bit tight for us at the moment so could do with hanging on to it.

So is £1000 worth seeing your dd for an hour or two on her actual birthday? We really can't decide....

traceybath Mon 20-Oct-08 17:08:17

blimey no - just celebrate her birthday at the weekend when he's around

luckylady74 Mon 20-Oct-08 17:08:22

I think it's fine if he's a lovely dad the rest of the time and you've got lots of celebrations to get on with. I assume they can do something when he gets back. Don't let it happen 2 years in a row - that would be wrong!

loobeylou Mon 20-Oct-08 17:11:04

I agree with luckylady74 - as a one off it's fine, if it becomes the norm that daddy misses everything, that's just so sad.

bubblagirl Mon 20-Oct-08 17:11:40

we celerbrate ds bday on a day few days after if dp has no way out of work

i always remember having small things on my birthday and then the weekend was outing and treat

get him to get a special gift to hide away and she can have it as a suprise he could maybe phone her and say look xx and then she can open gift and he can say happy birthday

canofworms Mon 20-Oct-08 17:11:59

Yes, we've got a party booked for the weekend after and I'll get a friend or 2 round for tea on the actual day.

I think it's him who feels bad not dd

pagwatch Mon 20-Oct-08 17:15:56

If this happened as a one off I would just use it as an excuse to extend the celebration as in 'we can do x on your birthday and then when daddy gets back we can do y'

but i do that so often that dd has more than once asked me what we will do for next years birthweek...
blush

nooOOOoonki Mon 20-Oct-08 17:19:17

absoultely fine - He probably would get a flat tyre or something anyway! Maybe save a present to open for when he comes

WideWebWitch Mon 20-Oct-08 17:20:19

No big deal, take the money if you need it, he'll see her the day before and after.

spookyrookie Mon 20-Oct-08 17:20:48

Oh gosh in todays financial climate it would be silly to turn good money down, particularly if your DD isn't upset by it.

I missed my DD's 6th birthday as I was working in Uganga at the time. She was fine about it, we had a party for her a month early before I went out. I wasn't even getting paid - never mind £1000! I think it'll be fine.

scaryteacher Mon 20-Oct-08 17:32:53

Dh was often away for ds's birthday and being Armed Forces, there wasn't much we could do. He always phoned if he could, and we had a party when dh was home. I cooked whatever ds wanted for tea, and when he was at prep, they always made a cake and celebrated with his class at break time.

canofworms Mon 20-Oct-08 17:35:31

Thanks for the replies guys!

I think I'll definitely tell him not to come back. She loves her birthday anyway as it's bonfire night so she feels special!

MollyCherry Mon 20-Oct-08 23:43:37

DD was 4 this year and it's the 1st time DH has been at home on her actual birthday.

I usually take her out for a meal with my parents on the day itself and DH always makes sure he's around the following weekend for birthday party, and takes her out somewhere nice in the morning while I get the house/food sorted.

feelingbitbetter Mon 20-Oct-08 23:46:53

YANBU
Have 2 parties if necessary, though DD sounds like a lovely thoughtful little girl (but then she may have sussed she'd get an extra special prezzie for being such a grown up grin)

sunnydelight Tue 21-Oct-08 05:30:57

If it makes you feel any better, my 5 year old finally got her "birthday treat" of a day at the zoo 3 weeks ago. Her birthday was in February blush I do think birthdays should be special for kids, but sometimes a bit of juggling is necessary for the sake of the family!

Milkmade Tue 21-Oct-08 09:29:04

Can you set it up so he can skype her on the day itself? She might find that quite exciting.

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