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AIBU?

to be overwhelmed by my Mum/MILs OTT first birthday preparations for DS?

17 replies

LittleOneMum · 12/09/2008 15:11

I have one lovely DS. He will be one a week on Saturday. He is a bit prone to becoming overwhelmed by too many people/too much shrieking. So I have bought him:

One 'Spot's birthday' book, which he will love.

One candle in the shape of a 1 for his cake (which I am making)

a bubble-blowing kit, again, which he will love.

We're having a small party with just relatives/close friends.

However, on speaking to my Mum/MIL about this, they seemed to think this was dead cruel. 'BUT it's his BIRTHDAY!!!' they cried.

Since then, I have had to take delivery of (and I kid you not):

a box full of those foil helium balloons with 'I am one' plus helium container

TWO massive cardboard boxes which I assume are horrible plastic monstrosities of some description but which say 'Don't Open until 20th September!!!'

a load of 'I am One' matching napkins, plates, cups and hats (oh yes).

a box full of party poppers/blowy things which make a noise and unfurl

PLUS they've both decided to invite what feels like most of our neighbourhood.

Am I being a sad old loser in thinking that this just too overwhelming for him? I can just imagine his wee sad face in the photos, wearing an 'I am One' hat and having a popper popped in his face...

Be gentle. Am feeling well grumpy about this.

OP posts:

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Lozza70 · 12/09/2008 15:14

Oh dear I feel for you and your DS. At only one the party will not really be for him but for the adults. Have you tried to have a word with your Mum and MIL to try and step it down a notch??

fransmom · 12/09/2008 15:17

i understand both points of view tbh, it is his first birthday but he is your son so i would've thought that as his mother you had more of a say.

first birthdays are more for adults than children i find xx

MrsTittleMouse · 12/09/2008 15:21

So, your Mum and MIL have invited a load of people to a party that you're hosting? And there is no way to uninvite them? I would be very annoyed.

We did have a big party for DD1, but it was our decision, and DD has always loved having lots of people around and lots of stuff going on, so it was completely different.

wannaBe · 12/09/2008 15:25

no yanbu they are nuts.

I would:

get rid of the baloons, presumably the helium will have leached out by then anyway so they will be useless.

Return the whole box of party blowers/poppers to wherever they came from, or alternatively stick them in a cupboard where they can be forgotten or brought out for a future party.

keep the plates and napkins - will save on washing up/having to load the dishwasher.

open the two huge boxes - your mum/mil aren't going to know.

And uninvite the neighbourhood - it is you who will have to entertain them/provide food for them after all.

1st birthday parties are predominantly for adults, however if the adults go ott they can be quite overwhelming experiences for little ones. And although your ds' grandparents are just excited, it's not for them to make the decisions, especially re inviting people.

ElenorRigby · 12/09/2008 15:31

YANBU!

DD first Bday turned massive with around 50 people turning up to our house.
Fortunately DD is a VERY sociable baby and loved all the attention!

I however am a shy person and was a nervous wreck!

Dont let them take over! Family can be nuts!

fransmom · 12/09/2008 15:36

i agree with er, i was stressed and didn't really enjoy it, tho there wasn't quite as many people there, i still had the say on who to invite. it is your house not theirs sweetheart xxx

LazyLinePainterJane · 12/09/2008 15:45

I'd go out for the day with your ds. Leave the crazy grannies to it!

MummyAnnabella · 12/09/2008 15:47

yes they are OTT but i would go with it and say look i only wanted small do and to be able to actually see my son on his bday so will need lots of help from you 2. then make them do it all!

i had lots of offers of help on ds 1st bday but felt it was my job to do it all - if i do it again i will jolly well delegate the work out!

tbh my ds loved being cuddle nursed and played with all day and loved his party. i didnt let anone blow streamers poopers etc near him - just give them outside and make sure you wander insdie at the time.

my ds didnt see the helium balloon until the next day as there was so much going on but it was his favourite toy for the next 2 weeks until it died - never did find it - he took it everywhere he crawled! in fact my dh bought him another one as he adored that helium balloon so much!!

as for the toys we too just got one thing as we knew he would get loads of plastic bright crap and again the biggest block truck is the thing he loves the most!

but we didnt open any presents on the day and opened at the rate of one every few days so ds wasnt overwhelmed.

StayFrosty · 12/09/2008 15:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zipzap · 12/09/2008 15:50

Can understand why you are feeling grumpy about this - YANBU at all.

How would they feel if they organised a party and you invited a load of extra people to their party?

It is your party - am guessing it is at your house although you haven't said so explicitly. Can you physically give them back all the things that you don't want, telling them that you have already organised the party and guests, that you have got the decorations/plates/etcs that you want for the party and that you are not going to be using theirs? Might be very difficult to do, but one of those battles that if you don't win now you will find yourself losing for the next 20 years.

It also might mean that you need to pop out to the shop to buy a couple of token decorations or a set of Spot cardboard plates or something so that you have got something that is yours to use that you have got specially if you see what I mean.

You might also ask them how they intend un-inviting anybody that they invited to the party as they will be turned away from the house if they do turn up - you will be catering for YOUR DS's party for the people that you have invited and you don't want them to be embarassed or your DS's party ruined by their actions.

It can be difficult but worth asking them explicitly why exactly they want to ruin yours and your DS's special day - say that you thought that they loved him and respected you more than that. Put them on the spot, say that if they want to have a first birthday party on the day at their house with their invited guests then fine - they alreay have bought the gubbins but that you will be having the party that you planned.

Keep pointing out that they are the ones being cruel to DS not you - if they don't mind calling you cruel then you can call them that without worrying about it. Treat them like toddlers - just keep repeating what you want and make sure you get the stuff you don't want for the party out of your house. Into a garage / returned / charity shop / anywhere if you can't give it back to them physically, so they can see that you are serious. Plus have your guest list ready so you can show that if names are not on it they will be turned away, and a shopping list that shows your party food for your number of guests.

After all - they have already had their go at organising first birthday parties for you and your DH.

Be strong! and good luck - let us know how it goes...

AbbeyA · 12/09/2008 15:53

YANBU - it is way OTT!!
The way that you had it planned seemed perfect.
I would stick to the original.
Tell them that you will use the stuff another year. If you can't uninvite the neighbourhood, put back the time and give them drinks and nibbles after your DC has gone to bed.

bloomingfedup · 12/09/2008 15:54

Tell them to fu*ck off. YANBU.

casbie · 12/09/2008 15:59

say it was lost in the post!

bless... ahh, i wish mine were that small again.

your plans for a birthday treat sounds much better!

: )

Sycamoretree · 12/09/2008 16:17

YABU - I bet he's their first GC - is he? He'll love those balloons - you just see!

However, YANBU re the party popper and blowers - even children at my DD's 3rd birthday didn't like those.

And also inviting more people is not fair.

But bit bits of plastic and foil balloons - hardly the end of the world. It's just what GP's do - they spoil their GC's!

LittleOneMum · 12/09/2008 17:09

Thanks to all who said I was an ace mummy

Sycamore, you're right. I will keep the balloons. I'll even not uninvite everyone. But the fecking poppers and things are staying in the cupboard and we are NOT having those pointy cardboard hats.

Aaargh. YES it is their first grandchild, bless them. I will try to smile and remember that. x

OP posts:

Sycamoretree · 12/09/2008 17:13

Bless you - not just a good mummy but a very understanding one too!

Re those hats - I confess I always buy them, but honestly, the kids NEVER wear them! Well, maybe a few did for about 5 mins this year. They are so bloody uncomfortable! Your DS will keep pulling it off so many times they will give up anyway!

My DS 1 (just, like yours) cries when the jack pops out of his box. God knows what would happen if a party popper when off within even a 5 miles radius of him.

rowrowrowyourboat · 12/09/2008 18:26

Well I also think that your party sounds great.

My DD is one on Monday an we're have a birthday "party" for her on Saturday. It will consist of my Mum and Dad, my sister, Bil and Nephew as in-laws all live 300 miles away and can't make it . I'm making a cake and there will be other party food bits and that's it. She's one that's all that she needs to have a lovely time.

She will have a ballon though as my Mum has got her one as she loved the on I had earlier in the year.

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