to be cheesed off cos DP told someone our baby name when we agreed not to?

[LadyThompson]

I am probably am - I feel a bit crap today. I'm 24 weeks, and after much to-ing and fro-ing, we have come up with a name (inc two middle names) for our DD to be. We agreed not to tell anyone, to avoid the inevitable comments, and also because everyone already knows the sex and it was so nice to have a secret just between the two of us. But now DP has told his sister, to whom he is close, and I feel annoyed, probably out of all perpective. Now, I KNOW this is a piddly leetle matter and worse things happen at sea, but I think

• why did he do this when we had agreed?
• if I tell him something else (far more important) is between us only in future, will he break his word again?
• the baby is due in three months, why couldn't she have waited until then?

Like I said, it's a silly matter but because I feel a bit gloomy and touchy today for some reason, I just want to know whether I have temporarily lost perspective or whether he was wrong. Ta.

[dizzydixies]

no I don't think you are as it was an agreement between you and your DP but it is his baby too and maybe he was too excited not to tell anyone iyswim?

sorry, am sitting more on the fence here than helping

[FabioFridgeFluffFrenzy]

I think you need dp to answer your questions first.

[LadyThompson]

Mmm. You are helping. Maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt and put it down to misplaced enthusiasm. And he IS very enthusiastic, bless him.

I suppose part of me thinks that he always wants his sister's approval, and maybe that's niggling me as well. I don't know...but I do want to be able to have things that are just between the two of us.

[LadyThompson]

FioFio

[LadyThompson]

FabioFridgeFluffFrenzy - yep, but

a) he works in the legal profession and getting a straight answer out of him is virtually impossible

b) he is visiting his sister far far away and we just spoke on a crackly line

[MrsTittleMouse]

Hm, I wouldn't be impressed to be honest (but I'm pregnant and hormonal too). I suppose that it depends on his relationship with his sister. If they're very close then it's understandable, if she's either
a) a blabbermouth or
b) very controlling and likely to change his mind
then I'd be more annoyed.

[nametaken]

YANBU.

Perhaps your dp is just like me. I never ever ever could keep a secret. I just burst to tell someone. Weird aint it? How some of us can and some of us can't.

[Twelvelegs]

24 weeks.... why would you have anything in perspective? I tell my sister everything and my DH doesn't get it.
However if I asked my DH not to tell his parents (he's an only child) and he did I would be really pissed off.

[LadyThompson]

MrsTittle, I like his sister actually. I don't know her well as she lives in another country, BUT she does have a little too much sway with him imo, and if she had said the names were vile she may well have put him off. And she will tell her DH and so on (I think she has the good sense not to tell their mother).

Really, I just thought it was nice that there was something that only we knew. Evidently he didn't feel the same

And come to think of it, nametaken, he confided in a friend when we first found out I was pregnant after we agree not to. But I have a little more sympathy with that.

[MrsTittleMouse]

Oooo, so he told about your pregnancy as well? I would be seriously pissed off. I don't think that any of us find keeping secrets easy, but we do it because it's important.

[LadyThompson]

MrsTittle, it was a bit of a shock for both of us and one of his good friends phoned him up to tell HIM in confidence that they were expecting a baby so DP apparently said "Oh God! Us too!" so that is why I wasn't quite so cross. But I think bottom line is, he probably struggles to keep things in. But he is 39, not 9, so I find it a little irksome.

I know it's only a sodding name....and everyone'll know in three months anyway. But we'd AGREED.

[EffiePerine]

Oops.

I can see why you;re annoyed, BUT I am awful at keeping secrets as well, so can see his side too. I take it it's too late to change your mind about the name? (sympathies, it took DH and I ages to fine one solitary boy's name we could agree on and even that was touch and go)

I guess it would be easier if he was with you and you could throw something large and not-too-heavy at his head for being a blabbermouth, rather than being all polite through gritted teeth on the phone.

[LadyThompson]

Thanks Effie but I love the names we have chosen, it's an absolute hucking miracle that we have agreed on them so not keen to change just because his sister knows. But I find I feel all grrrrrr about it. We have spoken about only us knowing more than once. WHY couldn't he have just waited until the child was here? If he wasn't a couple of thousand miles away I would indeed swing for him with my not inconsiderable handbag.

When he gets back we will have to have a proper chat about Secrets, as if he was a very small boy.

[EffiePerine]

OTOH a new baby is incredibly exciting even if the world and his wife already know the sex, name and future educational establishment... still annoying though

angle for a large and expensive present from Duty Free in recompense

[LadyThompson]

Yes. A gallon of Chanel No. 5 might make me feel about two per cent less annoyed.

Off topic Effie, good luck for the scan tomorrow and I look forward to hearing whether it's a girl or a boy. That's only if you are telling people though!

[LadyThompson]

And now his sister has decided that she fancies a fourth child, on the basis that us having one has put her in the mood again. I think I am DEFINITELY being unreasonable today, because bizarrely this has also irritated me.

[nametaken]

My SIL already had 3 dcs when she heard about my pregnancy and, like yours, got pregnant again because me being pregnant made her broody.

Oh how I laughed on hearing the news that she was expecting twins

[nooka]

It's not unreasonable to be annoyed, or to feel gloomy and touchy when you are pregnant and your dh is miles and miles away. But if he is close to his sister and doesn't see her often I can see how he might have let it slip. He might not have meant to at all. I'm not good at keeping things from close family even when I have resolved to say nothing (although these are my secrets, not those I have been asked to keep, because in general I'm not asked!).

[LadyThompson]

Thank you nametaken. I will then wish TRIPLETS on my own poor suspecting SIL [evil emoticon]

I wish I could stop muttering about this. I know it's partly because I feel a bit oversensitive and pathetic today (you know those sorts of days).

But HE'S spoilt the surprise and SHE evidently can't bear the fact that she isn't the mother of the newest infant in the family [shakes unreasonable fist]. But if you can't be unreasonable on Mumsnet, where can you?

[TinkerBellesMum]

It's not just a name though is it? In a couple of months you'll tell people the name and they can't say anything cause it is the name! Say something to people now and they see it as you asking their opinion or approval and get their opinion you will!

I had exactly the same thing, I explained why not to tell anyone and he went and told the two worst people he could have - his mum and nan. Every name was rubbished. I did tell Mum and he knew I would and why. My mum had problems when she told people her names, so she knows what it feels like, plus she knows it's none of her business to rubbish the name we choose. We jokingly asked her for a name and she came up with really old names that you wouldn't dream of giving to a child to make a point!

In the end I asked my brothers kids and my stepsons to choose the name from our list. They all chose my favourite name!

[LadyThompson]

Tinkerbellesmum - yes, at least he didn't tell his mother. That would have been really bad news and I think even he knows that! We'd never have heard the last of it.

But I am really close to my own Mum and I haven't even told her, or a single close friend - yes, mainly because I didn't fancy people weighing in with their thoughts, but also because it was really lovely having a nice secret that just we, as the parents, knew. Secrets are often bad, ugly things that you are hiding from people! But this was a lovely one.

Nooka, I know you are right really. I think I am just losing the plot a bit because I am pregnant, every stupid thing seems magnified today. God, if this carries on into motherhood I am going to be permanently getting the hump

[Sparkletastic]

Welcome to my sisterhood LadyT

I'd be extremely peeved with DH if he did this FWIW....

[kitkat9]

not only did my dh tell his parents the name we have chosen for our ds, his parents (well FIL) went on to tell the family member ds is being named after. So he took that honour away from us. I am v annoyed about this, but what can I do? I didn't tell dh specifically not to tell his folks.

Oh, and FIL is now telling dh what he wants for our ds's middle name. AARGH!!

Bloody men. YANBU.