...and in thinking that as two 27 year old professionals we can probably choose our own bed?
DP and I are buying a house together (we currently both live in my flat, which we intend to sell after we've completed on the new house).
It's bad enough that his mother (who I actually get on very well with) clearly thinks this is HIS house rather than OUR house becuase he is contributing more towards the deposit (despite the fact that once my flat sells I will be paying a very significant lump sum into the mortgage), but I'm gritting my teeth on this one since we plan to get married within the next year or two after which I'm assured by DP she'll see it as OUR house.
The current issue is the bed. We currently sleep in my aesthetically pleasing, comfortable, expensive, 5'9" bed. However, MIL wants to buy us a new bed - actually, is insisting on buying us a new bed. This is extremely kind of her and I am very grateful that she wants to help us out. Unfortunately, the bed she wants to buy us is (a) 5' (DP is a rugby player who sleeps in the middle of the bed. We need all the space we can get. Frankly 5'9" is a bit small for us) and (b) from a bed website so we can't even lie on it before buying it. It's also not as nice to look at as the current bed.
What we would actually like to buy is a 6' zip-link bed so we can have two different mattresses since DP weighs not far off twice what I do so our mattress requirements are fairly different. This is not remotely about money - we have offered to pay the difference for a larger bed or suggested she just make a contribution towards a bed we choose.
We have raised the size issue but she thinks a larger bed will be too dominating in the room (despite the fact that the new bedroom is much bigger than our current room in which the bed looks absolutely fine) - plus it's our room, surely even if we wanted a bed that filled the entire available floor space that would be our choice?
Apparently she's bought beds from this website before and they've been fine. However, when I bought my bed I lay on about 50 beds all of which were very different, plus there is this zip-lock separate matresses issue.
I don't feel we can raise the aesthetics issue since she clearly thinks this is a nice bed and I don't want to upset her - plus it's not actually vile, just not as nice as my bed.
DP thinks MIL will be wildly offended if we put "her" bed in the guest bedroom so that's not a possibilty.
She is just being very adamant about this - there seems to be no way to just say "we do not want this 5' bed we haven't lain on" without causing offence.
Am I being unreasonable in feeling cross about this? She's really nice and she's been ill recently so I'm even more anxious to avoid upsetting her. She's also quite a worrier and I know could easily be really upset by this. I really am grateful for the kind thought, I just want to choose my own bed and simply cannot see why MIL should have the final say in the choice of a bed she will never sleep in!
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AIBU?
... in not wanting my MIL to choose our bed without taking our wishes into account
110 replies
jackdaggerette · 09/07/2008 12:03
OP posts:
dittany ·
09/07/2008 13:52
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NotDoingTheHousework ·
09/07/2008 13:53
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