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AIBU?

To want to say "well, it serves them right"

38 replies

emsiewill · 03/10/2007 23:20

Some of you may have heard about this when it happened a couple of weeks ago. 5 people were killed; 3 out of the 4 boys in the car that was driving the wrong way down the M4, and 2 innocent people who were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Today the funeral took place of one of the boys. There is no question that these were generally not nice people. They were well known around here, and not for good reasons. The driver of the car had only just got out of prison for a similar offence.

If this was my child, of course I would be devasatated, but I would not have a funeral involving a horse drawn hearse fgs. Why would you want to draw attention to yourselves at this time? The way some people around here have been talking about these boys makes it sound like they were killed in some sort of tragic accident, not killed because of their own recklessness. There were floral tributes for them placed on the bridge above the motorway ffs

The wake for this boy has been going on across the road from my house since 4ish. The police have been to the pub about 5 times. They are obviously expecting trouble. And to be honest I feel like going across the road and telling these people my views in no uncertain terms.

AIBU?

I must say that I am NOT a DM reader, and hate the fact that this is making me feel / sound like one...

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pageturner · 03/10/2007 23:24

Sorry, emsiewill, have only scanned the story, but five people are dead here. Whatever anyone's personal opinion of them or what they were doing, at least give the families their day to grieve.

I see your point of view, but walk a mile in their shoes...have a heart.

handlemecarefully · 03/10/2007 23:24

Just leave it can't you?

It angers me that these boys put others at risk because of their own stupidity and selfishness - but ultimately they died and it is a tragedy. They might have been 'bad lads' but they are very young and could have changed. Perhaps a couple of them might have grown into thoroughly decent blokes, who knows?

swag · 03/10/2007 23:24

I was reading about this in The Argus earlier emsiewill.

I felt a bit of a cow thinking well it serves them right too

And then the funeral of the real innocent victime got a tiny article buried in the middle of the paper.

At least one of the boys has worked for DP in the past and he wasn't surprised when it happened that he was involved.

xXxamyxXx · 03/10/2007 23:25

probably not a good idea to go over to rant agree about the horse drawn carriage terrible two innocent people wher killed by these and i use the term losely people

emsiewill · 03/10/2007 23:26

Yes, of course the families should be allowed to grieve, and I have really tried to hold back on my feelings on this, because I know it's not "right" to feel like this.

But a horse drawn hearse???

Sorry, it's just ridiculous.

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emsiewill · 03/10/2007 23:27

And no way would I be brave / stupid enough to go and rant. But I am v aware that if anyone does, it's my windows at risk....

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Blu · 03/10/2007 23:28

I daresay the families of the victims in the other car might fllinch at the flowers on the bridge, I daresay that that is not the most tacful thing to have done...it would be nice if the families acknowledged that what the boys did does have very bad consequences and for them to acknowledge their wider sorrow and regret over what happened. But I agree with HMC, all in all. They will be devastated, however much thier boys were to balme. that is what unconditional love is.

pageturner · 03/10/2007 23:29

You are, of course, entitled to your opinion, but they are entitled to a hearse if that's what they want. I'm afraid I really can't see why this is winding you up so much. Whatever these lads did, their families don't deserve the implication that they don't have the right to express their grief any way they like.

pageturner · 03/10/2007 23:31

I agree with Blu that it would be nice if the families acknowledged the 'blame' here, but it's probably a bit soon to expect that. I would think they are too consumed with grief to be objective. In their shoes, I ahve no doubt that I would be wallowing and wouldn't be able to see any of the situation from anyone else's point of view.

emsiewill · 03/10/2007 23:32

I don't really know why it's wound me up so much, to be honest.

I suppose I'm just fed up with being surrounded by these kind of people. Maybe I should move...

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shyandretiring · 03/10/2007 23:32

a horse drawn hearse is popular with some people.
thye were people with parents and relatives who loved them in spite of their bheaviour.

swag · 03/10/2007 23:35

I think that's it emsie. There has been the other inquiry today about the four girls killed in the accident wiht the 17 year old driver. The samurai sword stabbing (another of Dp's ex employees is accused of it)

It's not feeling like a very nice place to be at the moment...

edam · 03/10/2007 23:38

I sympathise with you. Swaggering bravado is not appropriate. But I also feel that Blu et al are probably kinder, and right.

Blu · 03/10/2007 23:39

I would hate to be surrounded by people who behave like that - you are entitled to feel furious with them, in general. I sympathise! The funeral isn't the issue - it's the disturbance and danger of anti-social behaviour.

emsiewill · 03/10/2007 23:44

swag - where on earth does your dh work?!

I like to think of myself as a lefty-liberal type person, but this has really sent me off on one, and I am not proud of myself. But I just hate this "swaggering bravado" (great description). "3 boys VIP" is inscribed on one of the roads round here...(doesn't even make sense)

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1crazymumof2 · 03/10/2007 23:48

I too sympathise with you, but also with the families of all of the deceased, grieving can be a very ugly time.
The actions of these people were unexcusable, and we probably know that the families in the offending car knew the 'kind of things' they were involved in. But somebody gave birth to them, carried them for nine months, cradled them to sleep, sung to them and cared for them when they were ill. Let them grieve for the beautiful young baby boys they were, and maybe the good men they could have been.

swag · 04/10/2007 00:03

I understand what you are saying crazymum and of course it is horrendous for the families.

It's just there seems to be a whole sub culture going on around here with very twisted values. Its late and don't think I'm expressing myself very well..

He's on a contract at the moment for a place that makes food for one of the big high st shops emsie

unknownrebelbang · 04/10/2007 00:09

I agree with blu's sentiments, but it's very difficult when you're at such close quarters to these people.

1crazymumof2 · 04/10/2007 00:15

Swag,you are expressing yourself very well. i know all too well about twisted values my uncle was murdered ten years ago, my RL best friends dp was stabbed to death in a club because he actually stepped on someones foot when passing them, my grandfather collapsed of a heart attack and died three days before christmas in the local high street while shopping for christmas presents for my dc's, and the only people who stopped were checking his pockets and stealing from him. My DH works as a DC for the homcide team specialising in youth gangs and knife culture.

But if we harden, stop feeling, do we not just become like them?

minouminou · 04/10/2007 00:17

stealing from him?
i've just gone cold all over.
what an appalling list of incidents

1crazymumof2 · 04/10/2007 00:24

Thankyou Minouminou

There are some truly horrendous people out there, but i will never loose faith in humanity, and to say that people deserve to have there lives cut short, whatever kind of people they may have been is entirely unreasonable.

swag · 04/10/2007 00:26

crazymum, that's all awful

I don't think I'm hardened to it.

And it is not happening on my doorstep in the same way as it is for emsiewil. I think I'm more resigned to the fact that soemthing tragic like this will happen because for far too many people around here it is ok to steal cars, drive recklessly, carry weapons, etc. oh, i don't know...

emsiewill · 04/10/2007 00:27

Can I just say that I didn't say that they deserved to have their lives cut short (or I didn't mean that anyway).

I meant that by choosing to take the actions they did, they caused their own deaths, and shouldn't be made out to be some sort of martyrs or (worse) heroes.

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1crazymumof2 · 04/10/2007 00:30

Agrees Emsie, seems we've all been affected by this whole 'culture', i know what you mean when they are made out to be martyrs in the community, its scary for the kids growing up that these are the people that are idolised, not revered.

welliemum · 04/10/2007 00:45

I think you've made a very good, and awkward point emsiewill.

I know that when I read about people dying in car accidents, and then discover they were driving drunk and speeding and not wearing seatbelts (common in NZ news)... my instinctive response is that they brought it on themselves, but then I feel bad about that kind of reaction thinking about how devastating it is for their families.

It's a hard one.

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