Who is BU? Need some perspective

[FrostyGirl66]

Little scenario. I'm not saying who's who, I just need unbiased views please.

Persons A and B are married with two daughters aged 5 and 9.

Person A's sister messaged person B to let them know she has bought a present for eldest daughter and can she come round to give it to her.

Person B said yes but can you make it tomorrow when youngest daughter is at school. Reason being youngest won't understand why she hasn't been given anything and will feel like an obvious display of favouritism, which person B felt was not fair.

Just to note, it's no ones birthday and there hasn't been any occurrences when person A's sister has given youngest daughter a present and not eldest. Persons A and B and daughters don't see person A's sister very often (not sure if that has any relevance).

Person A can't understand why person B insisted on youngest not being there and that she'll have to toughen up eventually, why not now.

Views please. Who's BU? Thank you for reading!

[Wecandothis99]

It's not about A or B. Why is that sister buying one present!! She's the villain

[bigchris]

Hard to follow, can't you just say who is who

[letmethinkaboutitfornow]

Auntie is BU! 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Homemadearmy]

There isn't really enough context there really. I think it depends on what the present is?
I don't think necessarily both children should get a give if one does. But day it was a tennis rachet for a hobby. I don't think that needs to be hidden. But if it was something more a toy, I'd question the giver to see why she bought for one and not the other

[Aquamarine1029]

The sister is being horrible. To bring one niece a random present and nothing for the other niece is very cruel. I can't imagine this sister has any children of her own to something so daft.

[AIMD]

Erm ....
Is there a specific reason for the present for one child, like a shared interest or as a well done for an achievement, or is it just random?

If she just randomly bought one child a gift and not the other that does seem unreasonable and I’d say person whoever didn’t feel that was right was reasonable.

[Singlebutmarried]

Why buy just the one? What’s the reasoning behind that?

Did DD5 shit in her shoe last time she visited?

[HunterHearstHelmsley]

I don't necessarily think anyone is being unreasonable. The auntie may have seen something for one of the children this time. Sometimes I'll have a "saw this and thought of you" moment for one of my siblings children. I wouldn't always buy something for both children. There would be another time when I would buy for the others.

[FrostyGirl66]

Thank you for your reply's. Sister has a 15yr old 3yr old and 1yr old.

The present was a couple reading books from a series eldest daughter loves.

I know the sister (auntie) is the person in the wrong, but I just needed her hear other people's opinions on if person A is being unfeeling and harsh, or person B being soft and too sensitive.

[MissRabbitIsExhausted]

@Singlebutmarried

Why buy just the one? What’s the reasoning behind that?

Did DD5 shit in her shoe last time she visited?

Sorry this really made me laugh!
But I agree, why buy for only one?

[FrostyGirl66]

Absolutely no reason for the gift.

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

I’m the one who always argues that siblings shouldn’t get presents on the other one’s birthdays but to buy one child a random present and not get something for the younger child feels mean!

The sister is being unreasonable. OP, I’m guessing you’re person B.

[NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite]

Person B, you need to tell your SIL it isn't on to buy a present for only one of your DC unless it is their birthday. You need to tell your partner/husband that there are indeed times to help your DC become more resilient/ toughen up and this ain't one of them.

He (A) is definitely being unreasonable.

[tempnamechange98765]

When I was little my DGP brought a present for my older sister and not me, not on a birthday or anything. I was so hurt and still remember it now as an adult.

Person A is BU.

[octobersky19]

Can't buy one without the other

[TitianaTitsling]

Did she purchase the books or are they ones her own children had finished with?

[OuzoWoozo]

If its just books, then I can't see what the issue is. If it was something bigger than that, then maybe I would think differently. Maybe something tokenistic to placate the younger one, but not really necessary.

[nokidshere]

What is the point of person A and B?

No one brings presents for one child only unless it's their birthday. End of. It's completely out of order. I wouldn't have said wait till little one is gone, I would have said bring it round when you've bought something for the other or not at all.

[Waveysnail]

Are these books her own 15 year old has finished with?

[FrostyGirl66]

Ok yes I'm person B. Just wanted unbiased thoughts.

I think I'm going to have to say something to her. She comes over tomorrow. It's not a big deal this time as my youngest will be at school. But next time I may not get warning to make sure the other child is not around.

Birthdays is one of only a few times one of my children will get presents and the other not.

My husband has a few old school thoughts when it comes to bringing up children! I think it comes from his childhood of not having a very good supportive family and he had to toughen up from a young age (nothing abusive)

Thanks for your thoughts.

[Notthetoothfairy]

I was going to agree with you that your SIL should only give the gift when youngest is at school but then saw that the gift was books. Books aren’t as exciting as a toy and can easily be passed down to the next child so I’m with your partner on this one.

[FrostyGirl66]

New books she bought.

[nanbread]

Going against the grain here - if she knows the girl loves those books, happened to see some and grabbed them why shouldn't she give as a (thoughtful IMO) gift?

I don't buy books for my own children at the same time, I buy by need / if I see something I think they would like. Same with clothes. They don't automatically get something at the same time and I personally think that attitude encourages rivalry between siblings as they are seen as competing entities rather than individuals.

[Pipandmum]

I agree five is too young to understand why a sibling would get a random gift and they wouldn't.

[imnottoofussed]

It also depends if the gift is wrapped up or not. If gift wrapped then yes sister is in the wrong, otherwise I can't see a problem. In fact I bought by eldest niece a book from an author she likes the other day and gave it to her, my youngest niece wasn't bothered as it wasn't a present as such and she knew it was because it was the author her older sister liked. Kids are 5 and 7 for context.