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To think this is not fair?

(34 Posts)
cantfixstupid Fri 26-Jun-20 19:54:10

My DSis got married last Christmas. Both she and her DH have been married before and he had been living in a rented house since his divorce. DSis owns her own house, having paid off the mortgage a couple of years ago. After they married her DH moved in with her into the house she owns. The house is in her name only and her will is in his favour. I'm not sure if he has a will. I asked her whether she was going to put his name on the deeds and would he then pay up 50% of the value of the house so that they are equal owners. She says no.

I'm struggling to get my head round the fairness of this. My DSis has worked hard to pay off her mortgage and owns her house outright whereas her DH doesn't own any property at all. I believe he has got a few quid in the bank, not millions but a fair few grand. So he is going to be living in her house, paying his part of the bills I believe but nothing else. I'm not even sure if he intends to pay for any repairs etc. If they ever split up he will end up with half of her assets, i.e. the house. Or if something happened to her and she dies before him he gets to inherit the property without actually contributing to it.

I worry that she's putting more into this relationship than he is, financially speaking. She doesn't seem at all bothered about it but I don't want her to get taken advantage of. I'm not a big fan of his so this may be clouding my judgement. He's okay but I think she could do better. AIBU to think she's getting a rum deal here?

OP’s posts: |
Theyweretheworstoftimes Fri 26-Jun-20 19:57:19

It is not your business. Stay out. Your opinion is irrelevant.

Let them get on with it.

heartsonacake Fri 26-Jun-20 19:59:56

YABU. This is nothing to do with you; you shouldn’t be involving yourself in their business.

Justheretobeclear Fri 26-Jun-20 20:04:01

Not only is this none of your business but this is exactly how a marriage should be. She wants her house to go to her husband when she dies - I'm not one tiny bit surprised. Butt out of her finances and her love life.

isseywith4vampirecats Fri 26-Jun-20 20:04:29

MY partner and I are this situation in reverse he owns the house and in his will I get life long live in the house if he dies before me but then when I die the house goes to his daughter but at the end of the days its her house her marriage and her choice

PicsInRed Fri 26-Jun-20 20:05:06

Hell slap it into her, unfortunately. If she divorces early, short marriage, she may keep the house. Does looks like she's on for losing at least half though. More if he's a stay home Dad.

Justheretobeclear Fri 26-Jun-20 20:08:10

@PicsInRed That's an awfully offensive, sexist and stupid comment.

AllsortsofAwkward Fri 26-Jun-20 20:10:04

They are married so her assets become joint she could have protected this had she not got married I think you need to stay out of it

AIMD Fri 26-Jun-20 20:10:21

“If they ever split up he will end up with half of her assets, i.e. the house”- are you sure that’s right? If they don’t have any kids I would have thought she would have kept the house if it’s entirely hers and was paid off before marriage?

“Or if something happened to her and she dies before him he gets to inherit the property without actually contributing to it.” - isn’t that how all inheritance work. The recipient of the inheritance receive money just because someone died?!

If you don’t like him and there are other signs of him taking advantage I can understand your worry. At the same time though, given they are married and she had no mortgage it would also seem odd for her to charge him rent.

Couples manage their finances in such different ways. I share everything equally with my husband, but have a friend who doesn’t even know what her husband earns.

AnneLovesGilbert Fri 26-Jun-20 20:10:51

Hell slap it into her, unfortunately

A bold statement based on no evidence. Not uncharacteristic from that poster.

OP, they’re married. Sharing assets is what marriage is about. Have you ever done it? She’s done it before, she knows how it works. She’s chosen to do it again, it’s up to her how she organises her life.

You don’t like him, that’s clear, not sure what you can do about that.

TARSCOUT Fri 26-Jun-20 20:15:12

Not your concern at all. In saying that I understand where you're coming from. In Scotland should they divorce, as it stands he would have no claim on the house as it was hers before marriage.

Waitingforboristoletusfree Fri 26-Jun-20 20:21:24

Agree with everyone else, it’s not your business at all. Not sure many would question it if the roles were reversed. My husband pays everything, we are both fine with that, we’re a team in everything. If anyone else has a problem that’s their own problem

yourestandingonmyneck Fri 26-Jun-20 20:30:54

Does your sister have kids? Or would her house be left to you when she dies....? Is that your angle?

FilthyforFirth Fri 26-Jun-20 20:36:14

This very much reads you are concerned about missing out on inheriting...

1Morewineplease Fri 26-Jun-20 20:49:33

I’d be a weeny bit concerned.
If she’s fine about it all then it’s not your concern.
I would hope that she had taken financial advice.
I’ve come across many a tale of unfair divorces/property splits.

Kirstymc159 Fri 26-Jun-20 20:52:05

Are there any children?

Surely if he bought half from her, then she died before him, he would inherit the money anyway??

NoMoreReluctantCustodians Fri 26-Jun-20 20:52:34

I'm not saying you're wrong but I cant imagine having such a detailed grasp of any of my family' financial arrangements

Itwasntme1 Fri 26-Jun-20 21:06:41

Does she have children?

fruitbrewhaha Fri 26-Jun-20 21:22:21

How is he supposed to buy half from her though? You say he has a few thousand in he bank, unless they live in a very cheap area that isn't enough, so you think he should get a mortgage, which he pays with interest while the cash to buy his half sits in your sisters bank account.

Presumably if neither of them have a mortgage to pay they are quite flush and can do nice things together, is that not right?

SomeBunnyOvertheRainbow Fri 26-Jun-20 21:26:09

They’re married

If this was in reverse would you think I was fair if BIL asked your sister to pay 50% towards the value of the house before he’d share with her?

Love51 Fri 26-Jun-20 21:27:05

He wouldn't automatically get 50% if they divorced.
If the house stays in her name, he's more vulnerable than her - if they joined owned and split up, that could force the sale?
I get that you don't trust him and are protective over her, but they are married, and want to live together. It isn't unusual!

PlanDeRaccordement Fri 26-Jun-20 21:27:35

Thankfully, marriage is no longer a contract between families where they could sell their daughter to the highest bidder. We get to actually choose who we marry without it being about the money.

That said, I don’t think he’d get half of her house as it is an asset she is bringing into the marriage. Unless you are in US in a communal property state.

LastRoloIsMine Fri 26-Jun-20 21:30:16

Sounds like you are gutted the house isn't going yo you OP hmm

Would you still feel upset if it was his house that he had worked hard for and was leaving to your sister?

Seeingadistance Fri 26-Jun-20 21:45:09

It’s none of your business.

Why do you even know about any of this?

WorraLiberty Fri 26-Jun-20 21:54:08

Your OP is full of 'I think', 'I'm not sure' and 'I believe'.

It sounds like you know nothing for sure and why should you anyway as it's none of your business.

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