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To freak out about lubricant

(53 Posts)
Anxietyandme Thu 11-Jun-20 07:21:19

Husband and I are TTC. In the moment we stupidly reached for lubricant. I am pretty sure I am pregnant now (too early to test) and am freaking out as the lubricant contains parabens. I have spent the last three days reading scientific papers and have convinced myself it has caused DNA damage, and will either cause miscarriage or my baby will suffer from a genetic condition, or be at higher risk of autism or even childhood cancer. I have lost sleep, and am now really hoping I am not pregnant as I don't think I could go through with it. I am seeking help for anxiety, but would love some thoughts in the meantime.

OP’s posts: |
Anxietyandme Thu 11-Jun-20 08:02:05

Thanks @zscaler for explaining and putting my mind at ease. It's just when I read the ingredients and saw the parabens that I freaked out, as I think nowadays most of them are paraben-free. For some reason ours isn't and I am kicking myself that I didn't check sad

OP’s posts: |
Slothsarecreepy Thu 11-Jun-20 08:03:51

Good for you OP in recognising that flowers

2007Millie Thu 11-Jun-20 08:07:42

I think you need to seek professional help before you go any further. It would not be beneficial to have your level of anxiety around children.

PrincessHoneysuckle Thu 11-Jun-20 08:09:08

Think of all the times lube must have been used and it resulted in an accidental pregnancy resulting in a healthy baby.Please dont worry about this.

IDontLikeZombies Thu 11-Jun-20 08:13:26

I absent mindedly sucked the end of a pencil while out on site with DF. DF said 'don't chew on that pencil, it's got fungicide on it. It's not poisonous but it's that thing, eh, tetarogenic. All fine unless your pregnant'
And you guessed it, I had a late period and a positive pregnancy test that night.
That pink line was my DS. I thought I'd killed or maimed him before I'd even got him. DS is now a completely healthy, very clever, kind wee boy who is currently wrestling with his big brother and eating me out of house and home. It'll be fine but please get some help for the anxiety - that will be fine too but you'll need a bit of help to get there.

TeenPlusTwenties Thu 11-Jun-20 08:16:43

Surely if lubricant caused birth defects there would be great big warning signs all over it?

Apple1029 Thu 11-Jun-20 08:17:34

Honestly engage your brain here a bit.
Firstly if that was the case, even a slight chance then there would be a warning on the packaging. Secondly, by your 'logic' it means that millions of children are suffering because of this.
The priority here is seeking help for yourself.

IDontLikeZombies Thu 11-Jun-20 08:18:32

Also have a wee look at the history of pessaries. Women have been inserting all kinds of carry on for millennia for all kinds of reasons and there are still billions of humans. That's without starting thinking about lead in pipes, paint, exhaust fumes, etc, poor diet, mad superstitions, being encouraged to eat liver/drink stout/smoke/wear corsets. Your wee one will be fine.

Turtletotem Thu 11-Jun-20 08:19:05

I think it's normal to have raised anxiety over the past few months. It seems the focus is on the parabens and as others have said just buy a lubricant that you consider safe and throw that one away. Don't let it take a hold of you I'm sure all is and will be just fine.

BigBoosh Thu 11-Jun-20 08:19:59

You need to see a therapist.

Malbecblooms Thu 11-Jun-20 08:21:28

Firstly you can't know you are pregnant.

Secondly there are parabens in all sorts. Unless you have an MSc / PhD and are very good at reading research papers you don't even know you are reading good quality evidence.

Thirdly, anxious parents bring up anxious children. Please stop with all this paranoia before you do have a child or they will grow up to be the same and that's not fair.

IDontLikeZombies Thu 11-Jun-20 08:31:49

I hope that the posters who are being blunt with the OP are coming from a place of tough kindness rather than just being unkind. As a lifelong sufferer of anxiety I can tell you that when you are fully in flight with anxiety you can't hear the good intentions, you only hear 'Here's an other thing you've done wrong, worry about this too'.
Of course, in the longer term all of us anxiety sufferers need to find a way to deal with it but the best way to help someone out of an acute flare is with gentleness and kindness. We can deal with the long term recovery when we are back in our own heads again.

AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings Thu 11-Jun-20 08:36:35

If this was a thing that happened there would 100% be stories about it in the tabloids, people would sue lube companies and there would be warnings on the lube.

BigBoosh Thu 11-Jun-20 08:38:53

You an recognise your anxiety but still maintain some kind of rational detachment.

Pinkblueberry Thu 11-Jun-20 08:41:45

You need to see someone about your anxiety. You’ve clearly just come up with this idea in your head because not lube causing damage to an unborn child is hardly common advice. Lots women need lube for sex, some wouldn’t be able to conceive at all without it - they also don’t stay celibate through pregnancy hmm get some help, otherwise pregnancy and motherhood is going to be no fun at all if this your starting point.

SinisterBumFacedCat Thu 11-Jun-20 08:49:15

Speaking as an adult chip of an over anxious parent you need to speak to someone about your anxiety, as it will have much greater impact on your children’s lives than this. Sorry but that’s true.

SinisterBumFacedCat Thu 11-Jun-20 08:49:43

Adult child

RazorEdge Thu 11-Jun-20 08:55:26

@Anxietyandme not all exposure harms babies, I promise you.

My mum had to have some very powerful steroids for a skin condition before she knew she was pregnant with my sister. When she realised she was pregnant, the doctor explained that those steroids can lead to severe cleft palate.

My mum panicked, but not only was my sister not born with a cleft palate, she's got the prettiest face in the family and developed totally normally.

You didn't mean to use parabens, so don't beat yourself up. Baby is much more likely to be fine with paraben exposure than if you'd been downing wine instead. I send you hugs flowers

formerbabe Thu 11-Jun-20 08:56:43

If you spend enough time reading stuff on the internet you'll always find something to fuel your particular anxiety...

JudyGemstone Thu 11-Jun-20 09:00:14

Use coconut oil for lube - it's way better than the slimy, sticky stuff

NearlyGranny Thu 11-Jun-20 09:01:22

Sounds like you've had the 3am jitters, OP! Lying awake in the dark magnifies all your worries in the most ridiculous way. I hope you'll have it back in proportion by lunchtime!

U2HasTheEdge Thu 11-Jun-20 09:02:22

OP said she is seeking help for her anxiety.

OP, it is fine. This is anxiety speaking. As powerful and real as it feels right now it isn't real.

Please stay away from google, I know how hard that is to do, but it is feeding into the anxiety. Your anxious brain will read those papers and pick out parts that make you worry more. If the lube was dangerous to use when TTC it would boldly state that, or most likely not even be on the market in the first place.

We can give you reassurance, but in the long run it isn't likely to help. I have been there so many times. What helped me was therapy to manage my anxiety and now when it comes creeping up I can put those techniques in place.

You said you are seeking help, how far are you into that process?

Veterinari Thu 11-Jun-20 09:06:23

Your anxiety is more likely to be an issue than the lubricant - please do get some support

WakeAndBake Thu 11-Jun-20 09:15:53

I’m sure you will be fine!

But people here are waaay to trusting about warnings on boxes!

Are there clear warning labels listing the carcinogens in your make-up? Shampoo? Diet sodas? Clothes? Children’s toys? Sex toys? Etc etc etc etc....

No. And why not?

EngagedAgain Thu 11-Jun-20 09:26:55

If it turns out you're not pregnant this time, make sure you don't do anything else that could possibly worry you, before and while you're pregnant if you do conceive another time. I'm only saying that to prevent you from worrying your way through a pregnancy.

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