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To ask how I'm going to do this?

(33 Posts)
TenLun89 Fri 05-Jun-20 07:08:34

Hi,

I would appreciate all honesty, as brutal as it might be.

I have an 8mo old

Starting uni in sept, course is full time and it's nursing

I'm 4 weeks pregnant (unplanned, we were infertile and had LOTS of ivf to have our 8mo old.)

Husband earns 34k

I was going to live off 16k to fund uni (loans, bursary)

We can live off DH wage alone, we have low mortgage repayments and minimal outgoings but this would never in a billion years cover childcare.

I suggested living off his wage and using my uni funds for childcare, is that doable?

My questions:

How the he'll do l do this?????

Has anyone done this before? Any advice at all is really, really appreciated

I focused so hard on ivf and getting pregnant, that's when I had my baby I found the whole thing really challenging. I've just only starting feeling confident and really enjoying it and then to find out I'm pregnant naturally, I feel confused, angry, elated. Everything really.

DH has no idea what to do, genuinely fainted when he found out I was pregnant.

Also, two under two? Does anyone have any positive stories?

OP’s posts: |
inforapennyinforapug Fri 05-Jun-20 07:12:43

Can you postpone your uni application for a year? Nursing is a tough full on course at anytime but it’s going to limit your placement opportunities being pregnant with covid going on. Might be worth talking to the university as to how they’re caring for and keeping pregnant nursing students safe at the moment?

inforapennyinforapug Fri 05-Jun-20 07:14:12

Also congratulations!! flowers

CharmerLlama Fri 05-Jun-20 07:14:40

Can you postpone your uni course for a year? You're due when -January? You're going to need some time off to recover from the birth, and will you want your baby in FT child care from being a newborn? You need to question whether this is doable.

cafenoirbiscuit Fri 05-Jun-20 07:16:49

Congrats!

I had 2 under 2 - it’s like having 2 babies and completely do-able.

Speak to uni re. Childcare and time tabling. You may not need full time childcare after all.

(My friend had fertility treatment after ttc for 5 years, and conceived naturally soon after the first was born. And again. And again. 4 in 6 years so watch out 😉)

TenLun89 Fri 05-Jun-20 07:17:34

Thanks for the replies, I haven't spoke to them yet I'm going to contact them this morning and see what decision they think is best. If I could postpone, I could stay in my current job and get maternity pay too, which would help.

OP’s posts: |
Smellbellina Fri 05-Jun-20 07:17:51

I had 2 under 2, not planned, but very glad I did. It’s wonderful in the long run but it is tough at first.
To be honest I second postponing the course, I put mine off for years (my youngest (DC4) was 2/3).

TenLun89 Fri 05-Jun-20 07:18:06

I'm due around early feb - I think! I need a scan to confirm

OP’s posts: |
sanityisamyth Fri 05-Jun-20 07:19:13

Are you eligible for the childcare grant?

MermaidApocalypse Fri 05-Jun-20 07:21:21

Congratulations OP. I had two under two and a very part time job in a low pressure role, and I still lost my shit on a daily basis. Lack of sleep does crazy things to your concentration so learning would be very difficult.
What about being an HCA for a few years to get experience (unless you've already done that.) We have HCA's on our ward that earn as much as nurses in antisocial hours pay, and you'd save on childcare too.

TenLun89 Fri 05-Jun-20 07:22:24

@sanityisamyth no, they rejected my application but I might try again as I'll now have two small DC to put in childcare

OP’s posts: |
TenLun89 Fri 05-Jun-20 07:25:14

@MermaidApocalypse I'm really lucky, I'm managing a healthcare agency (when not on mat leave) and I've worked in hc for 8 years so I'm in a great position to get agency based hca experience

I'm anxious to put uni off then never go sad

OP’s posts: |
LaureBerthaud Fri 05-Jun-20 07:30:31

Why put yourself under such immense pressure? You will be exhausted. Enjoy your children and do the course in a few years time.

MermaidApocalypse Fri 05-Jun-20 07:31:25

@TenLun89 I thought you sounded like you had experience of that side of things. In all honesty I would just defer a bit, you know you'll go back. My dd is in reception now and my ds is starting school this year and my mind is fully back on my career. I wouldn't have been able to study, work placements and look after two under 3's. You might be made of stronger stuff though.

Financially, can you work agency night shifts to bring in extra money and not pay childcare? I know some crazy people who are student nurses Monday to Friday and then bank hcas friday, Saturday and Sunday nights.

Straycatstrut Fri 05-Jun-20 07:50:22

I'm a single parent and I was supposed to be starting my healthcare course in September too (access then uni for mental health nursing), but now I'm not sure what's even going to happen re proper childcare - I'm a LP so would need a hell of a lot of wrap around care for my 2 young boys. This virus won't be gone by then. My youngest also needs an operation next year and then a 6 week healing time and I can't miss that much of my course (Op was obv supposed to be all over with and he'd be healed ready for Reception). I've been putting off my Education for years (got as far as A levels) for various reasons and it just doesn't feel fair. I'm already 33 with no healthcare experience apart from my own DC who both have issues, and my own mental health. I'd say you should postpone and enjoy your babies and your family and keep racking up that experience. I'd love to be in your position.

MermaidApocalypse Fri 05-Jun-20 07:58:14

@Straycatstrut I'm in mental health and it's never too late. We have plenty of people starting preceptorships with grown up children and teenagers. Could you maybe work in mental health in a different role to gain some experience? In my limited experience, HCA's often have more one to one time with service users than nurses.

Incrediblytired Fri 05-Jun-20 08:03:21

Defer a year, stay in your job and take maternity leave.

You would only be doing the first term of the nursing course anyway so probably better to defer.

dottiedodah Fri 05-Jun-20 08:16:25

As others have said here best to defer for a year if you can .Also interesting how after so much infertility ,someone can get pregnant naturally .Somewhere I read that your body "wakes up" and seems to know how to conceive .Congratuations by the way!

AJPTaylor Fri 05-Jun-20 08:17:25

Defer the place, have the new baby, get your maternity pay, revisit the whole thing later.
Honestly, could you do it? Maybe. Would you actually thrive and enjoy it?

TenLun89 Fri 05-Jun-20 08:33:43

@dottiedodah I know, trust me know ones more shocked than me! My fertility was okay, my DH had extremely low count, poor motility due to a condition. He already lived a healthy lifestyle and made sure he maximised his chances but we still never got pregnant.

When we went for ivf, they told us the chances of conceiving naturally were "so low, near impossible - but not impossible"

My old neighbour had this happen, after 15 yrs of fertility they conceived when she was 47 and thought she was starting menopause

I guess everything relaxes, idk. The worst timing ever but another little miracle for us

OP’s posts: |
TenLun89 Fri 05-Jun-20 08:34:25

Thanks for the replies everyone, talking to DH when he gets home from work. I don't want to miss the crucial first few months with my baby and I want to spend as much time as I can why they're so small

OP’s posts: |
Teawiththat Fri 05-Jun-20 08:36:58

Stay in your current job I would, take maternity pay and maternity leave, and then revisit taking the course when you're ready. Congratulations btw!

metronome1 Fri 05-Jun-20 08:50:24

Hi op, firstly congratulations.
I did a placement while pregnant. Not nursing but similar. It was tough. When your experiencing pregnancy symptoms and fatigue and trying to write essays and do all nighters. I also had another child to look after. You would probably be entitled to some childcare grant with two, if not their are other grants available direct from uni, you need to contact your student services directly.
I finished my placement when heavily pregnant and I wanted to go straight back in to my next one when baby was a couple of months old but my university tutors said no. They were honest that they did not want to stop me or hold me back but they were concerned about my health and wellbeing. They really made me think about how I would cope with the long shifts and study. Your concentration I'd definitely poor with sleepless nights, breastfeeding etc..
Anyway I took a year off my course and I'm so glad I did. We ended up with a baby that never slept and had bad colic and with two young children and recovering from a hard birth it would have been impossible or I would not have done my best.
I went back after a year, joined a new cohort, did my placement, got a 1st and was given my dream job straight away.
So long story short it's doable but only once baby is a bit older in my opinion.

Star81 Fri 05-Jun-20 08:57:01

Also, with the current Covid situation would you working in hospital wards be allowed for placements as it isn’t going to disappear anytime soon ?

RiverRush Fri 05-Jun-20 09:00:29

@TenLun89 if it's your first university degree, then there's an allowance that could pay up to 85% of your childcare costs, and also a specific bursary for student parents:
www.ucas.com/finance/student-finance-england/dependants-grants-full-time-students/childcare-grants-full-time-students
www.gov.uk/parents-learning-allowance

Best of luck smile

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