To tell friend that I’m not interested in her stories anymore?

[HouseCoatAndPopSocks]

I met colleague 6 years ago, she was internet dating back then and constantly coming to work with hilarious stories of these disastrous dates. It was funny to be fair and she told the stories so well and found it as funny as the rest of us did.

I moved jobs and lost contact but then, 3 years later we ended up working together again. She was still dating and still full of hilarious stories about various men she’d met. We became friends and she would ring me to update me on various funny situations. But then it all got a bit not quite right. The men she was dating were obvious losers from the start but worse than that, a lot of them seemed dangerous, tales of mad outbursts, stalking, violence, liars ... I started telling her she should be careful but she continued telling stories as though she could only see the funny side. One time she decided to go on a camping trip with a man she hadn’t even met yet, the trip would be the first meeting. I warned her against it but she went anyway. Again, came back with ridiculous stories ...

But then it got really stupid. She started dating a married man ... from the start there were stories of him hurling racist abuse out of his car window, she found out he had a previous history of beating up his wife and assaulting a police officer ... I told her it wasn’t funny anymore and it was getting dangerous. Within a month he left his wife, moved in with her and her teenage daughter (??!!) and soon afterwards he beat her up, she ended up being arrested for assault (as he was sober, she was drunk, she hit him with a glass and cut his head, police believed his version as she was hammered). She was covered in cuts and bruises whilst her daughter sat screaming at the bottom of the stairs. He left that night and she didn’t see him again. So I told her it had to stop now, it wasn’t funny anymore.

Then the latest one is a bloke who appears to be some kind of gangster, sells cocaine and controls her every move. She rang me up saying she was locked in the house and it was hilarious.

I can’t listen to it anymore. It’s not funny, she won’t take advice and I spend too much time wondering if she’ll be found dead the next morning.

AIBU to break off the friendship completely?

[AmIThough]

It sounds like she really needs some help but she's clearly not listening to you and won't stop with this ridiculousness.

I wouldn't cut her off without telling her why, but I don't think it would be unreasonable to distance yourself.

[Chamomileteaplease]

Well I certainly wouldn't take her calls anymore.

Is there another colleague with whom you can sit down with her and express your concern? In the hope that she takes this on board and gets some help.

To be honest, assuming her daughter is under 18, I would be inclined to anonymously call Social Service as well.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

YANBU. Protect yourself. Awful for her daughter

[Longblondeandblueeyes]

Hmm, I had a friend a bit like this. She took stupid risk and would sleep with every man on the first date, even if she didn't fancy them! It was bizarre! She also had men to her house on a first date etc.

In the end, she shagged my then DH! So at that point the friendship ended, as did my marriage.

I am now happily married to someone else. I hadn't realised just how much of my time & headspace she was taking up with all of her dating antics and problems. Now I don't have any contact with her, my life is so peaceful. I think in your shoes, I'd take a big step back.

[HouseCoatAndPopSocks]

The daughter is 19 and has since moved out.

I’ve spoken to other colleagues and they just encourage her, they half heartedly tell her to be careful but then can’t wait for the next story. It’s all drama ... I’m not into that. After the beating she had the colleagues sent her flowers and wine ... another part of me was thinking “is nobody shocked that she’s happily shagging someone’s husband?” It’s like it’s just TV to them. I can’t understand it.

[YouJustDoYou]

Is she saying it's "hilarious" to try and kid herself somehow?? One last, "friend - it's abusive. It's not funny. It's horrible and abusive and you NEED HELP".

[HouseCoatAndPopSocks]

Oh and on top of all this, she was actively trying to set up dates with a married man from work while his wife was away on holiday with their daughter. So, whilst I had sympathy in some respects for the abuse she got, another part of me was thinking she’s not actually a nice person is she?

[messolini9]

It’s all drama ...

Isn't it just.
I wouldn't believe half of it.
She gets her thrills from recounting her tales to a shocked audience.

You are right to want to distance yourself.
Tell her you are not interested in gangsters, domestic violence, exposing teenagers to unsuitable cocklodgers, & that if she is, can she please keep it to herself.

[VaguelySkeletal]

How can you be sure it's all true? Maybe most of it is made up because she takes on the role of entertainer in any gathering, rather than be silent.

[messolini9]

Oh and on top of all this, she was actively trying to set up dates with a married man from work while his wife was away on holiday with their daughter. So, whilst I had sympathy in some respects for the abuse she got, another part of me was thinking she’s not actually a nice person is she?

No.

She's likely quite damaged, but so are a lot of us, & we don't all choose to ride rough-shod over other people's lives & feelings just because we cannot function without drama.

[Sagradafamiliar]

Next time just hold your hand up with a stern face, and say 'I'm going to have to stop you there, it sets me on edge listening to how you end up in these dangerous situations, and your daughter as well. I'm sorry that people laugh about it as it's not remotely funny'.

[Howlovely]

Hmm, how sure are you that she is telling the truth and not embellishing or completely fabricating these stories as she loves the thrill she gets from the popularity (or perceived popularity) when sharing these stories? I'm sure we've all got a tale or two to tell but to have so many is rather unusual. Maybe She is deliberately choosing unsuitable dates purely for shits and giggles? It's exceptionally risky behaviour that suggests she craves attention, even though it's not healthy attention. I think you should, if you can bear it, be honest with her. Say you are really concerned for her safety and you find her stories and risk taking too much.

[hidinginthenightgarden]

Sounds like she is doing it for attention. She must have some deep rooted issues.

[hazell42]

She likes telling stories for comic effect.
I'm willing to bet me eye teeth that she exaggerates.
Probably a lot.
I cant believe anyone would agree to go camping on a first date.
Buy her a notebook and tell her to let you know when she has finished the novel. A lot of money in books like that.

[Tistheseason17]

I'd distance myself.

[P1nkHeartLovesCake]

God she lives for the drama...

it’s time to find a new friend, as a rule If you don’t enjoy someone’s company don’t spend time with them

[HowlsMovingBungalow]

I'd sack her off. Shagging losers for 6 years? Tell her you are not interested in her shit.

[PinkBalloon123]

Google grey rock

[GladAllOver]

Sounds like she enjoys telling the stories rather that the screwing around. She should be more careful, sex on a first date can be dangerous.

[Boysey45]

I would really distance myself and not take her calls and say I was very busy.YANBU to have nothing more to do with her.
Shes going to end up dead at this rate.

[BlueJava]

She's either making stuff up or she's making awful choices. If she doesn't feel she has a problem there is little you can do. I'd distance myself and stop having to listen to it.

[ProseccoIsTheAnswerHere]

Why is she your friend? She hardly has any redeeming qualities

[TowelNumber42]

Do you still work with her. If you do, I'd have a word with colleagues and maybe a manager about not encouraging her to engage in dangerous behaviours. It seems the attention encourages her. Best if nobody gives it oxygen. Definitely back far away yourself.

[neverornow]

Did all of these incidents and dates really occur though? Sounds like she might be making some of it up.

[CSIblonde]

If her stories are true, it's sad that she's normalising awful experiences with humour. Maybe she's had a rough past or childhood & humour was her coping strategy. I'd tell her this tbh & see if I could get to the bottom of it. I had a similar friend, she wanted a husband but would go on hook up 'adult dating' sites & meet truly awful men, rather than join normal dating sites. She had low self esteem re her weight. We had a chat about it & she's getting Counselling now.