11 years ago, I engaged in a risque sexual behaviour with a guy I met on the internet.
The first date, we made out and the guy suddenly grabbed my hand and masturbated himself with my hand. I froze and I didn't know what to do.
It escalated to several more meetups which never ended in PV sex because he was insisting that we do it without a condom and I was not that stupid to agree. But oral, yes.
I have never forgotten it, became obsessed with him despite leaving the country and not seeing him again. I have deluded myself that we were friends. I think towards the last few years, we were sort of friends. But he has always had this hold on me.
We were still talking occasionally until a few months ago when I blocked him because I found out he's getting married and I cannot handle it.
I have been slut-shaming myself thinking if I did not behave like that, things would probably be different.
I know I sound like a lunatic right now, but this is killing me.
I don't know what I need right now. Maybe a hug, or a slap in the face. It's been 11 years and I'm still this much affected.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
to slut-shame myself for something I did more than a decade ago?
34 replies
BWaldorf · 14/10/2019 14:20
OP posts:
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.