A couple of weeks ago I made the decision to break up with my "D"P of nearly 2 years, as we had been arguing more and more often (mostly initiated by him, the most recent one having led to him telling me "fuck you" and "go fuck yourself") and I felt that I was too miserable to stay any longer.
Before this latest fight, we recently moved into a new rental property with both our names on the lease, which is for 12 months with no break clause - we did ask for one at 10 months but it didn't get put in for some reason and neither of us spotted it before signing the contract. When we were looking for a new place, we had been having some problems already, including arguments about what we could afford flat-wise. I earn a lot less than he does and we needed to get a two-bed as he has two young DC who come and stay with us every other weekend and for holidays etc. They had been staying in our bedroom on put-up beds in our previous flat which obviously wasn't sustainable for much longer as they're getting older. He eventually said that we would get a flat that he could afford to pay the rent on by himself, and that I could pay a contribution of what I used to pay in rent on a flat I lived in before we got together, the implication being that if we split up I could move out and he would be able to stay living there.
Anyway, shortly after moving into this new flat (which I know now I should never have done given we'd been arguing so much beforehand, lesson definitely learnt) we had this latest row and I decided I couldn't continue in the relationship any more. I have been living with my DB, his partner and their baby since then and my original plan was to try and find a houseshare somewhere near them.
However - my exDP is now adamant he cannot afford to pay the rent by himself. The agreement I thought we'd made about the rent was over WhatsApp but he's saying he didn't mean in it in the way I took it and that it was in relation to a different flat we'd looked at (it was, but in my view that's a moot point as the rent costs on our current flat are only a bit more). He initially said he couldn't do it at all, but has now said he will be able to take on the lease in December, meaning I have to continue paying rent until then.
I've considered every possible option, have spoken to our landlord who wants us to sort it out between ourselves which is fair enough, to friends, family and even a legal team through work. I've been advised that as it's a joint tenancy, if I left, the landlord could come after either or both of us for the rent. My exDP could and probably would take me to court for the owed rent even if it would end up costing him more in fees - he is angry and I think prepared to do anything just to make my life difficult. I can't stay with DB as he has a very young family and it's not fair on them. I can't afford to pay rent on two properties so don't seem to have any other option than to stay living in the guest/kid's room until December.
I explained this to my family and between them they have offered to lend/give me the money to cover the rent for the three months so I can afford to move somewhere else. They're worried about the consequences staying in the flat with him will have on my mental health and whether his anger could erupt again and potentially lead to violence, though it never has before.
I've thought and thought about this but just can't bring myself to accept it. I know I'm being proud and stubborn, but my DM in particular cannot afford to shell out hundreds of pounds over my own stupid mistakes and lack of judgement. I'm also in debt as it is and just really don't want to come out of this with even more debt hanging over me - owing it to a bank would be bad enough, to my lovely patient kind and understanding family would be even worse. I'd feel guilt and unhappiness over that for far longer than three months.
Sorry this is so long - I didn't want to drip feed. I don't really know why I'm asking about this as essentially my mind is made up. Just wondered if anyone had any words of wisdom on my situation or at the very least how to successfully grey-rock myself through the next three and a bit months 
AIBU?
To refuse to borrow money from my family?
Tafelberg · 14/08/2019 14:34
Thanks all for your responses.
@Wonkybanana I know what you're saying. It makes me feel terrible to know that my mum will be worrying about me, you've basically said exactly what she's said to me herself and it breaks my heart. If it wasn't for the fact it would put her in such a poor financial situation, I would do it, but I just can't bring myself to. It will take me years to pay the money back. I've told her I'll call her every week - every day, if that would help - to let her know I'm ok and that if I start feeling like it's affecting my health or he gets even remotely violent, I will tell her and will leave.
@Summerunderway The total rent is £1700 per month, I pay £750.
@TheFlis12345 no - the contract specifies no subletting and my exP won't take in a lodger anyway as his kids will be staying some of the time.
@Jayaywhynot unfortunately not an option, Mum lives too far away and in a tiny flat with no space for someone other than the odd one-night stay.
Re what a lot of you are saying about not leaving every time the kids stay, I'm offering to do that for them rather than him. I have got to know them really well and think it'll be extremely upsetting and unsettling for them to have me around but not involved in their lives as I have been for the past year or so (they're only little - 3 and 5). I don't know what he's told them about our split but I feel like if I can help them start forgetting I even existed, that's for the best for them.
@NotStayingIn no worries (I have been stupid ). I did offer to pay him for one extra month, which I would have borrowed off my family, but he flatly refused it.
@Crybabyghoul interested to hear you had a similar situation, how did you get through it? Any tips much appreciated. I like the idea of crossing the days off on a chart on the wall, will definitely be doing that. And locking the door.
In terms of our agreement I've emailed exP and the landlord setting out what we've agreed. As @Purpleartichoke says, the landlord doesn't care who pays as long as someone does, but I want to make sure the tenancy name change is documented properly with a new contract written up and signed by us both. To be fair though, if we get to December and for any reason my exP reneges on this, I'll be leaving as planned with no hint of conscience or worry about his reactions. I know what you're saying about possibly ending up with a judgement against me and know it's extremely unlikely, but I'm soon to move into a new job for which that kind of thing could be an issue (something my exP has kindly reminded me of) so I'm keen to avoid it coming to that by any means possible.
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