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AIBU?

Teacher accusing DD of faking illness on school trip

43 replies

hayleybeach · 10/04/2019 13:44

My 12 yr old DD in Yr 8 was on residential school trip and felt faint (not had much to eat and just came on the day before )

She told a female teacher who supported her and alerted staff at the venue who also helped her recover.

Then her form teacher arrived and he accused my DD of faking her illness. Told her he was having none of it and get back to the activity!

He was also overheard saying he was "f*ing angry" and that he wouldn't let her go on another trip planned for next year. As you can imagine I was fuming when I heard.

I'm trying to be rational and calm. She doesn't want me to speak to him or school, but he clearly wasn't providing a duty of care towards my DD and wasn't being professional in front of others. What would you do?

OP posts:

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PinguDance · 10/04/2019 13:51

I would do nothing cos it’s not going to get you anywhere. You don’t know for sure this happened, no harm came of it, it will become a ‘he said, she said’ that the school will politely acknowledge but largely ignore.

hayleybeach · 10/04/2019 14:23

PinguDance - as you say school staff will ultimately support teacher and it would make DD feel uncomfortable so I can understand why she wants me to drop it. But she's not a faker and part of me wants to speak up for her.

OP posts:

Hercules12 · 10/04/2019 14:26

I would take this further. I'm not sure how the teacher could make that judgement unless your dd has history of being in trouble. Only you know that. Periods as a teenager can be horrible..

Holidayshopping · 10/04/2019 14:30

What activity was your daughter supposed to be doing then? Does she have a history of any issues?

ASauvignonADay · 10/04/2019 14:32

Kids fake being ill all the time, including on residential and often to get out of an activity, so I would not be making a fuss about him thinking she was faking (we weren't there - so we can't really judge why he felt that), but I would be annoyed about the overheard comment.

ScreamScreamIceCream · 10/04/2019 14:39

Nothing.

Just make a mental note that he's one of the people you actually have to fall ill in front of e.g. faint, throw up before you are believed.

Your DD is going to have to deal with lots of those type of people throughout her life and you making a fuss isn't going to achieve anything as PP have pointed out.

recrudescence · 10/04/2019 14:44

Another day, another shit teacher.

Willow2017 · 10/04/2019 14:51

If other staff had beem helping her recover then he had no right to go in guns blazing and accuse her of faking it. What medical qualifications does he have?

I would be having a word with HT and teacher who was helping your dd at the time.
If your dd isnt in the habit of lying or trying to get out of stuff then i would also.be mentioning his comments about next trip.

But if course you will get piled on by posters who believe all kids lie all the time when it comes to what teachers did/said and no teacher ever stepped out of line so put your hard hat on.
Having heard 2 teachers one a ht overstep the mark when talking to kids in front of others and having to apologise later i am firmly in the 'you know your own kids best camp' and get anyone else who was there to say what happened with your dd too. If all the evidence says he said it then get that meeting.

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 10/04/2019 14:51

Was she trying to get out of the activity, do you think? Feeling faint through lack of food is pretty silly on an activity residential.
Not sure the period explains much either, unless she’s prone to fainting every month?

hayleybeach · 10/04/2019 14:51

I'm getting the message. He's just given her a glowing report too. She really wanted to do next year's school trip but seems she's been ruled out now. Can a teacher do that?
Another mum told me he once told her DS to shut up - the quietest boy in the school seriously.
But I guess DD will have to deal with many people like this in the future so put it down to experience and move on.

OP posts:

anangalou · 10/04/2019 14:52

Why had she not eaten much ?

FluffyKittenss · 10/04/2019 14:54

Oh dear what a tricky situation, you tried speaking to other mums/dads in the same class?

picklemepopcorn · 10/04/2019 14:54

It's not about 'all kids lie all the time'. Most kids lie occasionally to get out of an activity they don't want to do.

Send a note with her next time explaining she may need to take it easy if her period starts, as she gets lightheaded and nauseous.

If they try to stop her going on a trip, that is the time to leap into action.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 10/04/2019 14:55

She really wanted to do next year's school trip but seems she's been ruled out now. Can a teacher do that?

He was also overheard saying he was "f*ing angry" and that he wouldn't let her go on another trip planned for next year.

This hasnt been communicated to you - you're listening to gossip and third hand ear wigging, quite probably out of conext.

SpannerH · 10/04/2019 14:55

I would have a word with him firstly just incase he is being serious about her not attending again as that is not fair on your DD

ALLMYSmellySocks · 10/04/2019 15:07

I would be careful that this was what actually happened. Not accusing your DD of necessarily lying just may have misheard/misinterpreted while upset. Obviously if it happened it is very unreasonable. I wouldn't go in all guns blazing though until you're clear about what happened.

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/04/2019 15:13

What I take from your posts is that your DD had recovered from feeling faint, and the form tutor told her to get back to the activity.

and the rest appears to be gossip.

Bluntness100 · 10/04/2019 15:19

Overheard by whom?

Seriously. Don't be such a drama llama. No one has told you officially she is banned from next years trip, it's highly unlikely she is. So calm yourself.

Acis · 10/04/2019 15:22

I'd suggest you ask the school whether your daughter is correct in believing she's not allowed to go on next year's school trip. If they say no, she has nothing more to worry about; if they say yes, they'll have to explain why.

recklessgran · 10/04/2019 15:23

I'd have a word with him, definitely - particularly about him ruling her out of next years activity. Bloody cheek. I'd want that cleared up even if only to reassure DD.

clairemcnam · 10/04/2019 15:24

If she was being over dramatic about feeling faint, she probably was either lying or at least exaggerating. As someone who has worked with lots of kids, you do learn how to detect when kids are faking it. Just as I can tell when kids are faking being asleep.

Troels · 10/04/2019 15:26

Dd passed out on a school trip yesterday, they were so wonderful looking after her.
I think if a male teacher had acted this way I'd want to go in and have words with him. How dare he trivialize her feeling ill due to not eating properly and coming on her period. Same kind of teacher who makes girls who a bleeding heavily wait for the toilets.
Dd's fainting was due to these two things, first time ever fainting. She now has a black eye from hitting a wall on the way down.

clairemcnam · 10/04/2019 15:27

So what I suspect is:
she felt a little bit faint and said this to the teacher.
Her friends supported her acting all worried
She reacted by being a bit dramatic and talking about how faint she is.
Teacher got irritated about dramatics.
And if you have never seen the drama that can be created by kids of this age out of feeling a bit faint, then I think it is hard to understand a teachers irritation.

clairemcnam · 10/04/2019 15:28

Troels The OPs DD did not faint. All that happened is she said she felt faint. Really not a big deal.

LadyRannaldini · 10/04/2019 15:29

Another day, another shit teacher

Or another day, another spoilt brat. Not nice, is it?

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