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Does this happen to other people?

(58 Posts)
Furrytoebean Thu 04-Apr-19 09:34:27

Standing at the bus stop waiting for my bus and an older man turns to me, taps me on the arm and pointedly says 'there's a 52 coming if you want it' and starts to flag it down.
I just smile and say I don't want the 52 thanks for pointing it out.

Now this happens all the time, that older men tell me that the bus is coming when I'm just happily standing at the stop and have eyes.
I'm not on my phone or anything I'm just standing there like they are.

I know they're just trying to be nice but I find it really odd.
Is it a regional thing? Does it happen to other people? Or do I just have a face that looks like I don't know how to hail a bus?

Ragwort Thu 04-Apr-19 09:47:01

You sound utterly miserable, someone is just trying to be friendly and helpful and you find engaging in a little conversation 'odd'. Why can't you politely say 'thanks but I'm waiting for the 22 .......... lovely weather isn't it?' etc etc

DadDadDad Thu 04-Apr-19 09:48:33

I presume he did want the 52? It sounds to me like a polite way of checking whether you are going to flag it down. After all, if you had been intending to catch it, and he had flagged it before you without asking, you might have felt he was pushing in. So he spoke to you to rule that out before the 52 went whizzing straight past! I can't quite see what's odd.

Maybe he looked at you and thought "this person doesn't know how to hail a bus", but that's a bit of a leap of inference from this one interaction.

Huskylover1 Thu 04-Apr-19 09:49:40

The last few times I've got the bus alone, I've been approached by men. One asked me what bus I was waiting for. He then got on the same bus. I honestly was worried that he was going to get off at my stop and follow me (it was dark and he was weird). He didn't, thankfully!

PicsInRed Thu 04-Apr-19 09:51:45

You sound utterly normal and rational, toebean.

Bet this guy doesn't tap random men on the shoulder and point out random buses to them.

WhoTFIsAlanBrazil Thu 04-Apr-19 09:52:17

I also occasionally get older men trying to be "helpful". It comes from a good place, but I don't know what makes them think I need help!

The funniest one was at Lidl, I walked towards the milk section and opened the fridge door, an old man materialised at my side asking if I wanted him to get the milk from the top shelf for me. I declined politely but my face must have looked like this confused, because I am 5'9 and he was a good head shorter than me 😂😂

WeepingWillowWeepingWino Thu 04-Apr-19 09:52:55

I've never had this happen to me (in London), maybe it's regional? And a bit weird? Harmless, but weird. And yes, bet he never does it to a man.

HarrysOwl Thu 04-Apr-19 09:54:36

I think that's a kind thing for someone to do, and you're being a bit grumpy and reading negatively into it.

When I used to catch a bus regularly I loved the Waiting For Bus Chat.

Like a little club. You'd always mention 1) the weather 2) how late the bus is 3) how the traffic looks 4) is that the bus? No, lorry 5) excited little shuffles when bus is spotted 'here it comes, everyone! Number 43!'

Happyspud Thu 04-Apr-19 09:57:25

There’s a fine line between being helpful and being condescending. A lot of people don’t know where that line is they are so used to being ‘minded’ by the ‘helpful’ men around.

Damntheman Thu 04-Apr-19 09:59:22

I don't think it's grumpy and negative to not enjoy people treating you like a child.

This does not happen to me, OP, but if it did I would also be unhappy about it. I would never presume an adult needed help at the bus stop unless they actually asked for it.

GerryblewuptheER Thu 04-Apr-19 09:59:53

Oh this does my head in too.

I can read ffs.

FissionChips Thu 04-Apr-19 10:00:06

Pointing out the bus/asking which bus etc is completely normal where I live.

Nowordsleft Thu 04-Apr-19 10:01:40

I’ve never had this but I do know someone who met someone at a bus stop at the age of 70 and they married within the year!

HoraceCope Thu 04-Apr-19 10:02:25

he is just being friendly, would you have this reaction to a woman?

applecompote Thu 04-Apr-19 10:04:20

I’ve had this. I think it’s perhaps an old fashioned thing to do. I used to dread catching the bus as a teenager into work as some older person would end up striking convo, but harmless of course!
It’s fair to say buses here get a lot of odd people, but I never thought they were being anything other than friendly.

GerryblewuptheER Thu 04-Apr-19 10:07:54

How do they think they are being helpful though.

There are time tables pinned to the bus stop

Multiple buses serve stops so it could only be a 1 in 5 chance the person is even waiting for the same bus.

We all have phones to Google the times and routed.

And unless it's clear that someone is visually impaired like a dog or stick then they arebt exactly going to miss the massive blue double decker 2 feet away from them are they.

Its patronising nonsense

DoneLikeAKipper Thu 04-Apr-19 10:09:44

Ah yes the ‘older man just being friendly’ syndrome. The same ones who tell us to ‘smile, it can’t be that bad’. No, they don’t mean harm or think they’re being rude, but it doesn’t stop it being irritating and deeming at times.

Furrytoebean Thu 04-Apr-19 10:10:58

Now I'm not unfriendly, I live in Newcastle so striking up conversations at the bus stop is in my blood.
More than happy to have a chat.

It's the fact they act as though they are in charge of me on the right bus.
It happens really often.

I don't really mind it I just think it's odd and was wondering if other people get it too.

Bobbycat121 Thu 04-Apr-19 10:12:23

This happens to me in london alot. People asking me if I want the bus but it tends to be males and females, even though im standing right away from the bus stop and making no attempt to get on it. I dont get offended.

Furrytoebean Thu 04-Apr-19 10:12:32

* he is just being friendly, would you have this reaction to a woman?*

But women don't do it.

They chat about the weather or moan that the bus is late.

FissionChips Thu 04-Apr-19 10:13:05

It’s not just old people where I live, all ages do it, from teens to OAP’s. Ive never known anyone take offence.

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom Thu 04-Apr-19 10:13:07

Iv never had this but we quite often ask someone in front are you after/getting the <insert number> so that we know if we're going to skip the line.

Decormad38 Thu 04-Apr-19 10:14:37

Dont go live in the North East. Jordoes will chat about anything. I’ve just visited from Yorkshire and I love the way they spark up conversation up there. A guy chatted to me about me putting my coffee cup in the bin!

PuppyMonkey Thu 04-Apr-19 10:15:32

I must be an older man at heart because I’m usually the one to tell people @it’s the 52 coming, do you want that one” etc so that I know to start flagging it down frantically if they don’t. This is more about me being paranoid that the bus is going to fly on past without stopping than anything else tbh.

Not saying there aren’t older men who like to be patronising to you at bus stops OP. Just saying Id also probably do this to you too. blush

Decormad38 Thu 04-Apr-19 10:15:51

You do live in the North East. How can you think it’s odd op? It’s totally normal up there!

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