AIBU to ask what are the grossest things your child has ever told you/done?

[34leaper35]

We had the termly letter home from school this week - 'there have been a few cases of nits in your child's class, please check their hair tonight'
OF COURSE my DS does not have nits - he's far too perfect those ghastly blood sucking f*$kers.
But I casually mentioned it over homework. Me: So, precious apple of my eye, itchy head at all?
DS: yes actually
Me: HUH?!?!
DS: well my head was really itchy today so I scratched it and then these bugs fell on my book, so I got the end of my pencil and some of them I squashed into my book with the rubber end and some of them I stabbed with the sharp end.
He's going up for adoption.

[Fireinthegrate]

While potty training my daughter she was proud to tell me she’d done a poo.
On the grass
Outside in the garden
Upon asking her why she did it there I was told “that’s where Jimmy does it”
Jimmy was our dog 💩🐶😞

[BobbaMom]

My DD loves picking her nose. Thankfully she doesn't eat them but she's a chronic wiper! I caught her on the sofa merrily picking away and told her to dispose of her bogies without wiping them on the sofa. She promptly rolled it up and put it back up her nose because she was too lazy to get a tissue. She's 6. I don't know whether to be impressed at her ingenuity or appalled at her laziness!

[Toomuchworking]

I thought my DD3 was going to give me a cute kiss on the nose tonight. Then at the last second she stuck her tongue right up my nostril.

[NuffSaidSam]

Me: have you had a good day at school?

DC: yes! Adam was sick! It looked like chicken, but smelt like poo!

Love the description of how he dealt with the bugs!

[Hoppinggreen]

Me and DS both had rotten colds (he was about 18 months)
We were lying on the sofa together and he was gently stroking my hair. Only he wasn’t, he was picking his nose and wiping his bogies on my head.

[Stormwhale]

Dh was getting 5 year old dd ready for her bath. She had just had a wee, and was getting undressed. Without warning, she stuck her finger out, dipped it in a drop of wee that had dripped on the toilet seat and stuck her finger in her mouth.

She has no explanation as to why on earth she did it and dh nearly started gagging he was so grossed out. 🤢

[TipseyTorvey]

It's good sometimes to be reminded that we're mere animals isn't it? My DS4 just said to me 'mummy come and look a this poo I've just done, it's so ginormous it looks like a dinosaur tail💩'... Lovely 😱

[EstrellaDamn]

When DD was a baby she puked milk down her chin. Her big brother licked it off.

Oh, also, he ate a scab he found on the floor at nursery. Size of a bloody cornflake it was. I fished it out when I heard him crunching

[theluckiest]

'wanders onto thread. Looks around. Takes deep breath...'

My darling DS (aged 7) pooed into a plastic cup. Went into his room & was met with an unholy smell. Tracked it down to a poo-filled plastic beaker hidden behind his curtain.

He claims he couldn't be bothered to walk the ten paces across the landing to the bathroom. I suspect that he just wanted a closer look at his own poo out of interest.

'Wins thread for most revolting child. Preens and wanders off again'

[thenewaveragebear1983]

My dd once dropped a piece of chewed chewing gum from under the table at Mac Donald's into my coffee. I only noticed because the end of my drink was sort of minty tasting. That was 10 years ago and even now I can feel that grim realisation of what she had done and how it was too late to do anything.

[Hoppinggreen]

Not my child and not that’s gross but still makes me chuckle
I was taking dd (then 5) and her friend somewhere and DS (1) was in the back with them.
Dd friend said “oh dear, Hopping, DS is covered in chocolate “ I said not to worry I had wipes and would sort it out when we arrived home.
We got back and I said “right, let’s clean up that mucky baby”
“No need”said friend “I licked him clean”
Her mum was mortified!!

[MrsSkeffington]

My son picked up his sisters shit from the potty and ate it
He also shoved his finger up my nose and put it in his mouth
Actually what's wrong with him lol
I win

[Nonot]

Sorry @theluckiest you can't win

There's a MNer who sometimes answers threads like this with a story of her child picking up a scab off the floor in a hospital and eating it. It makes me boak just at the thought.

[EstrellaDamn]

Ha @Nonot that's me! I posted above but changed a few details because my best friend is on here now and I like my anonymity

[theluckiest]

Ok Estrella. Fair play. You win. Eeewwwwweewww!!!

[abigailthespiderinthehat]

My DD3 licked the floor of the changing room at the swimming baths 🤢

[WinterRose92]

My son is now 2 but when he was around 18 months old I was letting him have some nappy free time.
I went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea, was all but a minute, came back into the front room and there he was, sat in a pile of his own shit - smearing it all over himself & eating it!
I was so horrified I stood there for a few seconds not knowing what to do! He was covered!
I shoved him in the bath, washing him and brushing his teeth while trying so hard not to puke 🤢

[thaegumathteth]

Dd once ate a banana she found under a slide at a park. A half eaten one.

Dd also licked the doctors window.

Dd also told me sometimes she sprinkled fairy dust instead of wiping after the toilet’

Ds much less disgusting

[Nonot]

Aah Estrella Hospital has that extra ewww factor. Don't change that bit in future.

[KarmaStar]

Family walk one Sunday afternoon,about seven of us.my young nephew started offering around his packet of crisps.it wasn't until later that his dm asked his df what other crisps he had brought as she was hungry.he replied that he assumed SHE had brought the crisps.nephew pipes up "I found them under the bin by the picnic area" cue lots of green faces.😝

My dd was playing hairdressers with her df whilst he was stretched out on the carpet with his back against the sofa watching footie.she was combing his hair ready for a pretend 'wet cut'.it wasn't until half time that he turned round and discovered the water for the wet cut was wee fresh from her potty!😀

[shrumps]

Lying down, holding dd1 above me to make her laugh, she puked, straight into my mouth.

[34leaper35]

Hahahahaha - these are brilliant - and so so grim
Another good one from DS
'I've done a fart mummy but it was not a normal fart. I was sort of in drips'

[Ratonastick]

DS was messing about in the garden on a hot, dusty day. I took my eyes off him for seconds and discovered him making mud pies. Messy, but kinda cute and it was nearly bath time anyway.

Where did you get the water, DS?

Oh, I wee-ed in it, Mum

🤢

[CigarsofthePharoahs]

This morning ds1 sneezed wetly into his hand and then wiped it on his t-shirt.
I have also caught him drinking his own bath water. He's eight and just seems to get grosser.
Ds2 regularly eats things he finds on the floor. I can remember being at a national trust property watching a baking demonstration. Ds1 tried one of the offered biscuits then dropped it on the well walked on floor. My dad picked it up and put it on the table in front of him. Ds2 promptly scoffed it. There was a group of people between me and ds2 and I could see it happening and couldn't do anything.
Ds2 is also the best at vomiting. I've never seen anyone project it the way he does.

[Newadventure]

Dd wipped poo on my face when she was about 18 months old.

😶🤢