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To let DD wear the same clothes on repeat?

(79 Posts)
SayYesToTheToddler Thu 14-Mar-19 12:43:16

DD aged 3 has plenty of lovely clothes but she has 3 particular items which are her “favourites”. She wears them until they’re dirty, I wash them and once they’re back in her wardrobe/drawers again and she spots them she wants to wear them again. She probably wears them once a fortnight to once every 3 weeks depending on how quickly I wash and dry them. (Items are a particular dress, a particular t shirt and a particular pair of leggings).

She sees my Ex once a week. And he’s just text me after I’ve dropped her off saying he wants to see her in “different” clothes, as she’s wearing her favourite dress again.

I have no problem with her wearing her “favourites” she wears other things (with a bit of persuasion) but just wants these particular items when they’re available and I am the same in that I tend to go back to the same items of clothes in my wardrobe if they’re available.

Ex knows he is welcome to change her into whatever he wants her to wear but doesn’t provide clothes for his house for her, so I kind of think it’s up to me. One of the items was a Christmas present and was quite expensive (not bought by me) so it’s also nice she’s getting plenty of wear out of an expensive item – I also have bought bigger sizes of 2 of the 3 items so as she’s grown she’s had her “favourites” in the correct size Don’t even think she’s noticed either.

AIBU to think she’s 3 and can decide what she wants to wear as long as it’s weather and age appropriate? Or is Ex right that I need to rotate her other clothes more?

blueskiesovertheforest Thu 14-Mar-19 13:08:37

I don't think you should do as he says to keep the peace at all if he's really the type to think his DD should dress to please him not herself.

You need to have her back on this, right from the start. Of course she's 3, he can also buy her clothes, but you don't dress her to please him if she's unhappy at 3 any more than you will make her wear a skirt not jeans, or jeans not a skirt, whichever, against her will to please him when she's 13...

CazM2012 Thu 14-Mar-19 13:09:43

My son is 3 and loves his football shirt, as they are expensive he gets one on his birthday (sized up) and it lasts a year. He must wear it at least twice a week, if not 3 times when I’m on top of the washing. It usually doesn’t even make it back in his wardrobe grin surely it’s just what some kids do? If your ex is so bothered, he can buy your DD clothes for visits!

Wallsbangers Thu 14-Mar-19 13:14:06

I've worn the same skirt 3 days this week. Once every 2-3 weeks would be an improvement for me.

GetStrongKeepFighting Thu 14-Mar-19 13:19:40

Oh FGS don't dick about with the washing just because this man is trying to dictate what his child looks like. If he wants to see her in different clothes, why? Then he can buy some for his house can't he? Let him try and make a toddler change clothes for no good reason when she doesn't want too.

She's three! It makes her happy to wear these clothes whenever she can. Absolutely nothing wrong going on here.

KatharinaRosalie Thu 14-Mar-19 13:20:02

Tell ex to fuck off and to take her shopping if he thinks she should wear different clothes.

ItsAllGone19 Thu 14-Mar-19 13:21:35

She's 3...let her wear what she wants. She'll have a lifetime to conform to dress codes.

He probably thinks it makes him look bad that she's always in the same clothes, almost like he's feeling guilty for not being a more active parent (by having clothes at his place to start with!)

Mitzimaybe Thu 14-Mar-19 13:25:20

So he hasn't bought her any clothes but he thinks he can dictate to you which clothes you put her in? Ha ha ha, what a comedian! If he had bought clothes but you never put her in those, he might have a point but if he's not providing clothes then he gets no say.

If she's only wearing them once a fortnight then how come it's always on his access days? It depends how much you want to wind him up - I'd be tempted to always send her in the same clothes just to make a point, but if you'd rather not rile him then would it be so difficult to let her wear her favourites just before or just after his contact days?

Just in case I've not been clear: YANBU and are not doing anything wrong. He IBVU. Up to you what you want to do about it.

VelvetPineapple Thu 14-Mar-19 13:29:16

My DS owns seven outfits, so he has a week’s worth of clothes. That gives me time to wash them! He’ll get his wear out of them because everything gets worn once a week. Whats the point of buying more outfits that won’t get worn?

neddle Thu 14-Mar-19 13:29:21

Firstly, every 2-3 weeks is not that often.
Secondly, I would be wary about sending her in them. Is it possible he might ruin them or throw them away to spite you?

And thirdly, unless her birthday is this month, she doesn’t have to start school this year. Check out the Facebook group for summer born starts in Reception at age 5

Mummyoflittledragon Thu 14-Mar-19 13:30:39

“Dd loves to wear those clothes. She isn’t bored of them, which is all that matters. Shall I send her naked next time and with no change of clothes? That way you can pick what you like and have it ready for her on x day. She is size x.”

Dd also used to have her favourites. Still does actually but it’s far less extreme. She practically wore the same dress solid for about 3 months when she was 6. Lots of her clothes were virtually unworn. She actually had the same dress in 3 different sizes. The first she loved so much I got a bigger size in the sale. The last one I got from eBay. She’s growing up now and loves getting new clothes in more teen styles.

purpleweasel Thu 14-Mar-19 13:33:04

My daughter got a dressing-up dress for Xmas off a friend of mine and she's probably worn it 2 days out of 3 ever since. I wish I could wear dressing-up clothes every day too!

Your ex obviously hasn't had the "what to wear" conversation with a small child. Tell him he's free to buy her other stuff & see if he can persuade her to wear it!

IHateUncleJamie Thu 14-Mar-19 13:34:44

Tell ex to fuck off and to take her shopping if he thinks she should wear different clothes.

^^This. 👍

Skisunsnow Thu 14-Mar-19 13:35:17

My 4 year old DD wears the same outfits 2 or 3 times a week if it's been washed and she finds it back in the wardrobe or drawers. It's normal as far as I'm concerned. My 6 year old DS has the same few clothes that he will change into after school too.
They've both got loads of clothes but I'd rather they choose what they want to wear and are happy in what they're wearing, as long as it's appropriate for what we're doing and where we're going.

Toooldtocareanymore Thu 14-Mar-19 13:35:38

id reply with " its her favourite, bring her shopping next x, let her pick something herself with you, i'm sure it will become another of her favourites "

5amisnotdaytime Thu 14-Mar-19 13:35:50

neddle got their first, now he's mentioned it to you, I'd be wary of her clothes "accidentally" getting damaged or "left behind" somewhere. I wouldn't be sending her to him in her favourite clothes.

DD is the same, once the washing is done, all her favourite ones vanish out the wardrobe first. And I do the same!

GassyAss Thu 14-Mar-19 13:38:03

When DD2 was 3 she wore the same pink strappy summer dress every day until I took it to be washed. Teamed it with all the jewellery and ribbons she owned. It's just what 3 years old do.
Now she's 12 she lives in leggings and a hoodie. Kids wear the things they like. Tell Ex to chill out.

mumwon Thu 14-Mar-19 13:40:15

my dd went through a phase of wearing red wellie boots no matter the season or weather - looked really good with pretty skirts! later on she had a thing for little dark blue skirts with flowers - she had several all the same style - so what - as long as dc is clean & comfortable & its (except for the wellie boots!) weather appropriate

ShabbyAbby Thu 14-Mar-19 13:46:06

My kids wear the same clothes a lot. Because they grow quickly and I'm not going to buy them loads of things which they may never get the chance to wear. I'm the same though. If I didn't do regular washes I'd have nothing to wear that fits me and goes together within a week (maybe less).

Tinty Thu 14-Mar-19 13:47:14

Ds was Buzz lightyear for about 6 months at 3. Literally put on his Buzz outfit over his clothes and barely took it off! Only answered to Buzz also, that was a fun day when I couldn't work out why he wasn't answering to his name. grin

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet Thu 14-Mar-19 13:52:19

This is obviously not about the clothes, the clothes are fine. So (since there is no genuine issue here and he isn't actually concerned about your daughter) he can fuck off.

As an aside, when my eldest was 3, his favourite outfit was a kilt, a yellow builder's hat, a grey cardigan and a headband worn around his waist as a belt. I made sure there are lots of photos, of course! The other 3 boys were aiming for total nudity from 2 to 5, the kilt was much easier.

As an adult, I frequently make sure that I have extras of my favourite clothes. So I might have 3 dresses the same, or a couple of my favourite coat etc. I like things to be comfortable and when I find a design that works for me, I run with it. I don't think it's anyone else's business and I definitely wouldn't have a problem with a child preferring a few particular things.

BusyMumLondon Thu 14-Mar-19 14:00:02

My 8 nearly 9 yo insists on wearing shorts no matter what the weather and her favourite unicorn and gorilla T-shirts that should have been burnt long ago. Drives me potty but this too shall pass confusedsmile
I think her dad needs to take her shopping if he wants her in different clothes 😂
Good luck with that one.
I also have a 13 yo that likes to wear emo/halloween/skeleton clothes all the time. Covered in cat hair 🤐 (black clothes + big fluffy white cat) I love them both.
It looks like she is going out in dirty clothes (she also loves art). She's not it's wash and wear after the cat has had loves 😂
Me I encourage it, even join in. (Cosplay, not while out shopping🤣)
Her dad has finally learned he either supports her or he is wasting his money.
Different planet.....

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 Thu 14-Mar-19 14:01:09

If he wants to "see her in different clothes" he can bloody well buy them can't he?

When I was a kid I insisted on wearing the same beloved outfit every day on holiday for 10 days... my parents realised it didn't matter in the grand scheme of things 🤣

ForgivenessIsDivine Thu 14-Mar-19 14:22:13

Totally normal.. I have often had to wash and dry clothes overnight! And yes... lived in superhero costumes for months!! It has taken years and one very direct 4 year old for me to learn wisdom on this subject. 'Mummy, is it OK that I love my red jumper? Do you mind that I don't want to wear the blue one? We could give the other one away to a girl that would like it.'

CallMeCarolDanvers Thu 14-Mar-19 14:26:46

My 4yo rotates between her yellow Batman t-shirt, blue Spiderman t-shirt, long sleeve pink top, a Paw Patrol t-shirt that really is a bit too small for her, her Go Jetters t-shirt and one royal blue t-shirt. Sometimes if it's an Occasion I can persuade her to wear something else, but that's only for Occasions. Surely 7-8 everyday tops is plenty for most kids, then the odd hoody/cardigan to throw on top?

Jamiefraserskilt Thu 14-Mar-19 14:30:52

Tell him to bore off.
If he wants her in different clothes, let him knock himself out in Matalan.

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