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How to leave a cliquey mums WhatsApp group

(58 Posts)
Lapetitemaz Thu 14-Mar-19 12:08:40

Hi mums

I’m after some advice. My twins are in reception and at the start of term some of the cliquey mums set up a What’sapp group and added me to it.

Over the course of the school year I’ve taken a step back from the group and declined social invites with them as I’m increasingly uncomfortable with how cliquey and also bitchy it’s becoming. I want no part of this. What’s also made it awkward is that someone added into the group chat a mum who is notorious for bitching/gossiping/back-stabbing (she did this to me friend) and I just do not trust this girl at all as can already see her working her usual tricks on some of these mums.

I guess what I’m asking is does anyone suggest a polite message I can send to explain why I’m leaving the group?! Or do you think not say anything. I don’t want to make a big deal out of it (and give any more reason for bitchiness!)

Thank you

10IAR Thu 14-Mar-19 12:10:11

I'd mute notifications and say nothing if you don't want to cause a fuss.

Otherwise I'd just say group chats aren't for me (which is true, I find them really pressurising) and retreat politely.

Nameynameychangers Thu 14-Mar-19 12:12:43

Just say you're trying to cut down on social media as its distracting so you are deleting a few apps including WhatsApp to try and refocus.

WFTisgoingoninmyhead Thu 14-Mar-19 12:12:55

Click on the group title, scroll down and EXIT GROUP it really is that simple, why would you bother about causing a fuss.

stopfuckingshoutingatme Thu 14-Mar-19 12:13:46

Hide or archive the group

I know what you mean a complete exit would cause more harm

SpenglerOswald Thu 14-Mar-19 12:15:46

Just leave. As if adults get in a tizzy about shit like this.

Coffeepot72 Thu 14-Mar-19 12:19:36

I'd mute notifications and say nothing if you don't want to cause a fuss

That's what I'd do. If they're as toxic as you think, any formal 'exit' could be unpleasant.

LeopardPrintKnickers Thu 14-Mar-19 12:19:47

As the others say, just leave. But, they could be nicer than you're giving them credit for - surely they're only cliquey if they're excluding others and it sounds like they're actively trying to include you?

Bouledeneige Thu 14-Mar-19 12:21:17

Just dont read it or join in. No announcement necessary.

Hazlenutpie Thu 14-Mar-19 12:22:28

Just leave, never apologise, never explain.

Weebitawks Thu 14-Mar-19 12:23:12

Just leave.

WarpedGalaxy Thu 14-Mar-19 12:24:41

Another who fails to see the need for a big exit announcement. Just stop posting, hide the conversation or whatever you do on WhatsApp and then in a while quietly unsubscribe or, again, whatever you do on WhatsApp.

FullOfJellyBeans Thu 14-Mar-19 12:24:55

Like PP I'd just mute notifications for that group or leave it and say nothing. If you flounce off they'll be even less likely to reflect on what you have to say.

AnyWalls Thu 14-Mar-19 12:26:05

I need details of the bitchiness wink

Love hearing about the bat-shitness that goes on with grown women....

maddening Thu 14-Mar-19 12:26:51

I would just stay mute but keep access - always good to know what is being said Imo.

BlueMerchant Thu 14-Mar-19 12:28:32

Agree with pp.

babysharkah Thu 14-Mar-19 12:29:27

Just mute, don't get involved.

toomuchtooold Thu 14-Mar-19 12:37:06

Fucking WhatsApp. One of the school mums here reckons it's an app for booking other mums in to look after your kids. When I got fed up fielding her calls I just muted her and when she asked me about it I said I'd had problems with my phone and had to uninstall WhatsApp. She probably knew I was lying, but that's all to the good.

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom Thu 14-Mar-19 12:44:00

I agree with muting.

If nothing else it means you can see where they are meeting etc so you aren't there to bump in to them!

JaneEyre07 Thu 14-Mar-19 12:44:32

I've got a group that I've just muted. Less drama than exiting.

NotSorry Thu 14-Mar-19 12:47:02

I hate that WhatsApp allows others to add you without permission

I hate that WhatsApp tells others you've left the group

I just mute the group

mummyofdaughters Thu 14-Mar-19 12:49:45

What @SpenglerOswald and @WFTisgoingoninmyhead said. Don't even know why you're giving this a second thought. Just exit the group. Jeez.

wishywashy6 Thu 14-Mar-19 12:50:18

Click leave group. The end

Mixedupmummy Thu 14-Mar-19 12:50:39

I'd just mute it too

DelilahTheSlagFromTheBible Thu 14-Mar-19 12:51:43

I fucking hate the way WhatsApp allows anyone in your contacts to add you to a group. I've left our class one more than once but been re-added. It's on mute but it does my head in. Seriously thinking of changing my phone number.

shamelesshackney Thu 14-Mar-19 12:51:59

I did this. I just said I was taking a bit of a social media break and it was fine.

NCforthis2019 Thu 14-Mar-19 12:52:07

Mute notifications.

CookPassBabtridge Thu 14-Mar-19 12:53:42

Yes to muting notifications, it might even have an ignore feature which puts it in your archive folder so you don't see the chat in your list. But everyone is unaware you're ignoring it.

AuntVanya Thu 14-Mar-19 12:55:15

Just leave and if anyone asks, say you've given up social media for Lent ( or you're having a digital detox).

thedisorganisedmum Thu 14-Mar-19 12:55:28

Mute or leave, what's the big deal?

I really don't like people who feel the need to make a big announcement when they leave a group, screams of drama-llama.

BigButtonsOnMyPhone Thu 14-Mar-19 12:58:14

If you feel you have to say anything, just say you are simplifying your use of social media.

CheeseRolls Thu 14-Mar-19 13:02:17

Delete WhatsApp

Mummyoflittledragon Thu 14-Mar-19 13:05:24

I am in a chat group with all the parents on WhatsApp in dds year. It got started by a mum, whose friend and ds were having a whole year big party and has been useful. People asking does anyone have x for a costume, what’s the spellings this week, about a school trip etc. It’s not posted on loads. The other way to go about this is to add everyone, whose numbers you know under the guise of something or other to do with school. That will stop the bitching and if they set up another group, they aren’t likely to add you to it as you add all and sundry.

winsinbin Thu 14-Mar-19 13:06:18

I agree. Leave the group now without any reasons or excuses. If anyone asks tell them you got fed up of WhatsApp.

AguerosAngel Thu 14-Mar-19 13:06:59

Another one here for just muting the group! However nicely you word an exit message it will cause drama by the sounds of it!

TeaforTwoBiscuitOrThree Thu 14-Mar-19 13:09:15

Mute or archive the group.

shinyNewPound Thu 14-Mar-19 13:11:32

There are two groups I mute regularly. Just mute.

Lapetitemaz Thu 14-Mar-19 13:17:40

Thanks for the advice ladies! I’m definitely not after any drama at all so will mute the group and archive too.

The girls are not actively excluding me on the group but they do exclude in the playground- which quite honestly just makes me glad to be more distant from them.

School playgrounds huh?!

EerieSilence Thu 14-Mar-19 13:26:26

Open the group - Click on top of it where the numbers are - open Group Info - click on Exit Group.
Instant relief.

Graziass Thu 14-Mar-19 13:29:17

Mute and archive but don't leave in case you want to stalk at some point wink

RomanyQueen1 Thu 14-Mar-19 13:38:15

Just leave and make a point of saying it's because you are cutting back on social media as too busy to post, that's if you don't want a fuss.

SausageMashandOnionGravy Thu 14-Mar-19 13:41:43

Mute and stop replying, it'll just get pushed down your conversation list and you won't see when anyone has posted in there. Or just leave the group... Say nothing the end.

AtLeastThreeDrinks Thu 14-Mar-19 13:59:51

I'd just archive it; if you mute you can still see how many messages have been sent and there's too much temptation to read them. Archive, and if anyone asks in person just say you're trying to cut down screen time and figured anything important would be sent one on one.

Group messages can be really intrusive if they blow up at an inconvenient time and then you have to play catch up. Worse still if it's people you don't even want to chat to!

DannyDyersPants Thu 14-Mar-19 14:40:19

Mute notifications then every so often clear the chat without reading.

DannyDyersPants Thu 14-Mar-19 14:41:58

I think if you archive, the chat comes back again if someone sends a message? I could be wrong on this and if I am, let me know as there are quite a few group chats I need to archive!!

BitchQueen90 Thu 14-Mar-19 15:04:04

I'd just leave. But then I'm not bothered about what other people say about me to be honest.

Thistles24 Thu 14-Mar-19 16:00:37

I did similar. Waited until nothing had been posted for a couple of days, so it wouldn’t look like I’d taken offence to anyone in particular, and just left the group. No big drama, still talk to the ones that are sensible, but the amount of drama and teacher bashing that was going on was horrible.

MrsJayy Thu 14-Mar-19 16:04:37

Just say as suggested you have trouble keeping up with groups and leave. You say they are bitchy are you worried they will turn on you ? Doesit matter if they like you or not

CuppaSarah Thu 14-Mar-19 16:05:17

I'd just say you're not really using WhatsApp and am leaving the group as you're just not keeping up with it. Needn't be a drama. No one likes someone lurking silently on WhatsApp groups

Aeroflotgirl Thu 14-Mar-19 16:08:06

Just exit it, simple as that.

LonelyandTiredandLow Thu 14-Mar-19 16:35:14

Just send a msg saying you are cutting down on social media as a distraction, if they need you they know where to find you. Exit.

I had one where a woman was pinging every 3 minutes througout the day minus the hour at lunch from 9-5. Inane ramblings too, not even funny or interesting. "Oh I bought a new mug. Maybe I should have got 2?" and even worse stealth boasting "has anyone else's child read all of the Roald Dahl books already? Really not sure what to get DS for his 5th now!" hmm

Save your sanity.

sidesplittinglol Thu 14-Mar-19 16:37:50

I'd just leave the group but if it will be too confronting then, muting and archiving is the way to go.

Ironically, there's another post going on at the moment about a member of a chat not participating In the group and wanting to remove them. I wonder if these two are connected?

Springersrock Thu 14-Mar-19 16:41:00

I’d either mute or archive it

I left a WhatsApp group a little while ago and didn’t realise WhatsApp announced when someone had left a group chat and it caused no end of grief

Someone re-added me to the bloody thing so I’ve muted it now

GinAndTings Thu 14-Mar-19 16:45:52

I just exited. No announcements - just left. then archived the chat.

No one messaged to ask why I left - so I did the right thing!

SospanFrangipan Thu 14-Mar-19 17:02:08

I had some Mum friends whilst on mat leave. Didn't really see eye to eye with one of them. Anyways, long story short, she left my son out of a few things that everyone else was invited to. I left the group chat without saying a word, and haven't looked back. One mum messaged to see if was okay, to which I replied yes.
Like yourself, didn't like the bitchiness that one girl caused. Life is too short to be involved in crap like that!
Just do it smile

Drum2018 Thu 14-Mar-19 17:38:41

I've just muted a group and turned off notifications for it. While it's still there in my list of chats with the number of messages since I last looked, I don't open it and if any of them check to see who's reading they will know I haven't read it so can't expect me to know what's been said or query why I didn't make a meet up. It's a sensitive group so I don't want to be the first to leave. I was added to a group once where someone was looking for funding. I had no problem exiting that one :-)

ThumbWitchesAbroad Fri 15-Mar-19 09:30:35

I agree that you should just mute notifications and then ignore it.

If you leave, there will be a notification that you have left the group - and if they are as bitchy as you say they are, then this will occasion comment and possibly some nastiness as a result. You can't leave the group in secret, doesn't work like that (as far as I know) so best to just hide it all away.

I've been in groups of friends where someone has just suddenly left for no apparent reason and it does cause comment - in our case, concern over the friend, and hoping that they're ok - but it rarely passes without SOMEONE noticing.

Booyahkasha Fri 15-Mar-19 19:09:58

I left and they were as nasty as I thought. But do you know what, good riddance, I'm in my 40s and don't need the bitchiness and drama.

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