Comments about my baby

[user1496059477]

I have a gorgeous 11month old baby girl whose got a lovely, sweet nature and very placid. However she's quite a big girl (though not overweight and perfectly in proportion, genetically from dad's side). Also she has still to grow much hair and due to having some excess fluid around her brain her forehead and head circumference is a bit larger than average which could delay her crawling/ walking though she will definitely get there and is already showing strong signs of wanting to move (it's nothing serious, had her scanned). The one thing I'm getting quite sensitive about though is i very frequently get comments from other mums/ grandmas at playgroups etc. saying how large she is, asking her weight, calling her chunky or a bruiser and also isn't she crawling yet and is she alright developmentally? Often these remarks are from complete strangers who I'm sure wouldn't like me commenting on their own children. It's started putting me off going to groups a bit though I don't want her to miss out. Once she starts moving properly am sure she'll start to lose some of her chubbiness but it does upset me that people seem to be so insensitive and sometimes even quite rude. I'd never dream of making any personal comments about another woman's baby. If anyone has any ideas or words of support would be most grateful.

[Februaryblooms]

When DS was a bit younger he was really chubby (me and DP were big babies too) and I always got comments about his size.

I didn't tend to mind and would just smile because I think chubby babies are absolutely adorable, but I can understand why you feel protective of your DD and get tired of the unnecessary comments.

You're right in what you say, she will lose some of her chubbiness as she gets bigger and starts to move around more. DS has but I really miss his little rolls

[WorraLiberty]

I'd say they're all pretty average baby related conversation starters really, apart from "Is she alright developmentally?"

Don't let it put you off. People won't actually care one way or the other about your baby, it's just that babies are what you all have in common if that makes sense?

[summerisgone]

How nasty of them.

You really need to say 'FUCK OFF!' quietly and sternly with a look on your face.

Hard to do, but just what they deserve.

At least she has you for a mother; you sound very caring..... she is a lucky girl ...

[Unguent]

People can be apes. Try not to take a blind bit of notice, if you otherwise think baby groups are of value to you.

[DoraTheExplorer3]

My son is the opposite. Quite small and I get very sensitive about it. I think you are blessed to have a baby with all the weight she needs to supply her growth spurts

Ignore people. How rude to ask about her development like that! It’s normal everything you mentioned

[switswoo81]

I have a nearly 11mo girl too. She is teeny tiny (cardiac condition) she fits 3-6 month clothes. I am also constantly getting comments that I would want to feed her up.
People aren’t feckin happy unless the baby looks like a mothercare ad.
Your little girl sounds lovely . Enjoy her.

[Wallsbangers]

I've got a big baby, it's so annoying when people pass comments. I would never say "oh look at your small baby, do you feed him/her enough?" yet apparently it's fine to ask if I feed mine too much. I just scowl now.

[Smoggle]

"Is she alright developmentally" is a bit intrusive/rude, but the rest is just baby group small talk I think. There's only so much you can say about babies.
Isn't he big/small
Is she crawling/walking/talking
Does he sleep well
How are you feeding

[SinkGirl]

I have twin boys - one was diagnosed with a very rare condition shortly after birth and was put on a medication that causes hirsutism. He was a tiny baby with a lot of hair but also eyebrows and a hairy forehead (not to mention the things others didn’t see - hairy back, hairy bum, etc). Random strangers would call him werewolf, teen wolf or “he’s like a little pet!” on one occasion. I absolutely hated it, it upset me so much. Fortunately he’s off the medication now and he’s not as hairy now but I know teenage girls who are still on it and it must be so hard for them.

Try not to let them get to you - easier said than done I know.

[Cookit]

I can see why this would be upsetting for you but please know that everyone gets told about how big/ small their baby is constantly even if they’re perfectly average and it seems to be something people say whenever they meet a new baby.

I remember being really upset when a random man in a pub told me my 2 month old was small (I even argued back re: him being almost 50centile!) and he wouldn’t let go of it and kept saying how tiny he was. Of course then I felt like it was an attack on me - I shouldn’t have been out (NB warm, early evening at riverside pub) with the baby, that I wasn’t feeding him enough etc.
Now it’s just becomes something people say. As an older toddler he’s now more like 9th centile (completely in-line with parents) and I still get comments about half the time people saying he’s big (and I’m like really?!) and half the time about how small he is.

I do it myself, someone I bump into quite often has a three month old and we always talk about how big he is and how much he weighs.

[Sirzy]

I agree with others it’s onlh the development comment which is wrong.

Ds was tiny as a baby and people still commented how big he was it’s just a normal comment

[Nothinglefttochoose]

It’s just what people say but it doesn’t make it right. There is a boy at my sons daycare who is huge, uncoordinated and to be honest I have assumed he may not be developing normally, but I’d never say that!! Those people are rude. Don’t worry about them. I love chubby babies!

[Chocmallows]

Ugh some people make unkind and useless comments on pregnancy bumps and young children.

Your bump/baby is too big/small, active/lazy etc. The funniest I had is "your baby is too attractive to be a boy"!

You know your DD is healthy and fine, try to brush the comments off with a "she's fine, thanks". Repeat as needed. Try not to engage in useless conversations when there are better things to talk about. Like the things you and DD enjoy.

[DoraTheExplorer3]

have a nearly 11mo girl too. She is teeny tiny (cardiac condition) she fits 3-6 month clothes.

So does mine. He fit in his newborn vests till around 7 months :S.

People would ask me if I’m producing enough milk. If I feed him a varied diet.

The health visitor was never worried.. or was just his birth weight was very small and small build

[TwoRoundabouts]

They are asking if she is all right developmentally as they think your child may have a disability and they are trying to ask you politely. If your daughter did have a disability you would end up finding as she grew older a minority of adults are much ruder.

[HomeMadeMadness]

Saying she's chubby/big seems to be seen as a compliment when it's directed at a baby so I wouldn't be bothered by that but the developmental comments I wouldn't like.

[Thestral]

People can be hurtful twats.

My 9 month old son has awful eczema (under control from the Dr, but still looks sore) and the amount of people that have visibly recoiled saying things like "errr, what's wrong with his face?" and other thoughtless comments has been shocking.

Oddly, it mostly seems to be older ladies who have been the rudest, I always ask them what's wrong with their manners in response.

[Cornettoninja]

The development comments are rude, she’s within the normal range which is really wide in all fairness.

I do think you may be over sensitive to some of the comments. Like another poster I see chubby comments as complimentary (I love me a Buddha baby) but I wouldn’t enjoy hearing my dd refered to as a bruiser either. Completely against my own ethos but it sounds masculine and clumsy. I mean my dd is those things but that’s not for others to say

I empathise with the lack of hair, my dd is three and doesn’t have enough to tie up yet and it’s grown in unevenly. I’m going to have to get it cut just to try and look tidy but I’m gutted we’ve missed out on cute pineapple ponytails and bunches. The window for dictating what she wears is long gone so I’ll just have to suck that one up.

[Kolo]

I think some people are just grasping anything to make small talk? I love chunky babies, had 2 myself, so sometimes I will say that, as a total compliment, to friends (but I wouldn’t say anything personal to anyone I didn’t know!).

Both my boys were very big. They measured big all throughout pregnancy (I was referred to have the glucose tolerance test because of this, but they were fine), big when they were born (both over 10lb), and both had heads waaaaay over the 99th percentile for head circumference (I was offered a brain scan, under general anaesthetic, for my youngest, but big heads run in my family so I held off. Had to be measured weekly for months, though, to ensure head growth followed the trend line).

So I do have experience with big headed and chunky babies. They come with a lot of advantages - they can eat a lot and therefore tend to sleep for longer stretches on average. I never had to worry about them being off their food when poorly. They took longer than average to hold their own head, and walk and crawl, because they had a big weight to lift . But once they were on their feet, the chunkiness fell off them. One of mine is still big (height wise) for his age, and the other is a skinny little thing. The shape of a baby doesn’t correlate very well with the physique of a child.

[motheroftinydragons]

My eldest daughter had a large lump on her cheek as a baby (it was a benign vascular malformation). It made one side of her beautiful little face lopsided and looked really blue.

The amount is strangers - and friends and family even - who made rude comments about it was astonishing. So many people asked me how she'd got 'that awful bruise' or when i said 'it's just a birthmark' (easier than explaining what it actually was) they'd say things like 'oh the poor thing, it's such a shame'.

It really used to upset me. I had terrible anxiety anyway and people asking if I'd dropped my baby (or if I'd smacked her, one memorable time!!) on her face really didn't help.

We treated it in the end with medication which shrunk it to nothing and it was gone by the time she was eighteen months (only because it could've caused her a health problem and permanently scarred her if we hadn't, not for vanity reasons). But I'll never forget how utterly shit it used to make me feel.

I never comment on unusual aspects of a child's appearance, or if I do say anything about how a child looks it's always just that they are lovely.

Chin up OP, people are rude shits. I second the pp who said to tell people to fuck off. I wish I had, and if I'd have been feeling more myself I would have!!!

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

I agree that the 'is she alright developmentally' is outright rude and I think you should give it short shrift (but RESIST the temptation to comment negatively on their babies, which you'd have to be superhuman not to have, but don't sink to their level!). I think you need to come up with a very short reply ('We're delighted with how she's progressing, thanks' or something like that) and then just stick to repeating that so you can give it as little headspace as possible.

It is true that people comment constantly on baby size, but it is also true that it is annoying - when I was on mat leave and taking DS to baby groups I would hear 'gosh, isn't he huge/long!' literally every single day, multiple times a day, and smiling politely and agreeing did get tedious. I also once had a woman go on at length about how he (four months) was the same size as her 11 month old and how sorry she felt for me not getting the 'little baby bit' and how glad she was that her daughter was 'so cute and delicate', which made me think she was both rude and a bit mad (and also made me feel sad because I suspect that obsession with her daughter being 'little and delicate' isn't going to do a teenage girl many favours)

[SusieSusieSoo]

Mine was a right bruiser when he was little. He's 6 now & wearing M&S skinny school trousers age 7-8 because he's so tall - supermarket school trousers are far to generous around the middle.

I loved his little rolls around his wrists and he was a lovely happy baby (still has the same temperament now).

People feel they have to comment on bloody everything. Just ignore them. Sounds like she's lovely. Mine was the last to walk. So was I as it happens. We did go ape on Sunday. We caught up with the quick walkers. Enjoy every minute of your dd xx

[codenameduchess]

@Cornettoninja me to, dd is 3 1/2 and has super curly hair that's growing unevenly and very slowly! She's got 2 really long (well, just past her ears) ringlets at the sides, it's maybe 2 inches everywhere else but so curly it sticks in all directions. I love it, but she's noticing her hair is different to her friends.

OP, aside from the developmental comments- which are so rude! - it's normal baby comments. My dd was also a big (and bald) baby and we were always getting comments on it... she was 97th centile from about 10 weeks and didn't crawl until nearly a year. A friends dd didn't crawl or walk until around 18 months, they all get there eventually and there's no hurry. I'd either ignore the comments or call them out on the inappropriateness

[NutElla5x]

Aren't 11 month year olds meant to be chubby? I know my lot all were
from about 9 months onwards,then they slimmed down when they started walking. I never got offended at the remarks about their rolls b maybe because I thought they were cute and used to call them my chunky monkeys and such like myself. I was taken aback one time though when the checkout girl asked how old my then (chunky and very tall) 14 month year old son was and when I told her she was flabbergasted and said "Oh I thought he was about 3! What a shame" I don't quite know what she meant by that but how bloody rude lol.
Anyway what I'm trying to say op is try not to worry about the size remarks if you can (she WILL slim down when she's more mobile) but the remarks about her being a slow developer are a different matter and if I were you I would probably say something about that (I wish I had done to that checkout girl now). Just a simple "that's a bit rude" should be enough to embarrass the ignoramuses and cut them off from making anymore stupid remarks.

[SinkGirl]

A HV I met for the first time when my boys were 12 months asked if I wanted to be referred to a “special needs” baby group - I was completely taken aback, one of my boys had this medical issue but it was all under control.

18 months on and they’ve both been diagnosed with ASD and the one who had the other illness has been diagnosed with brain damage and a visual impairment. I have no doubt that HV knew something was up but didn’t actually do anything about it, just made that comment which made me really defensive!