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AIBU?

Protecting myself financially in event of divorce

77 replies

user1461609321 · 05/03/2019 04:43

Hi everyone

Just awake in the small hours...... needing some advice re impending house purchase which is being done solely in my name though I am married

Husband is unemployed and has been for several years stating that he is trying to set up a business abroad

I have financially supported us for over 10 years whilst he has basically been a SAHD

I have put up all the money for the deposit and will be paying the mortgage alone whilst still in effect giving him an income

We have 2 school age children, but wanted to know where I would legally stand if we were to divorce property wise.

No current pension and all savings will have gone into house

Is there anything that I can do to protect myself and children financially prior to house purchase in the event of a divorce?

I am not presently looking to separate but want to make an informed decision where possible

OP posts:

Report

araiwa · 05/03/2019 05:08

Its half his

And as primary carer he will be able to stay there with the kids and you pay him maintenance

Lightsabre · 05/03/2019 05:53

Why not rent? House prices are not flying up at the moment. He would be entitled to half of the assetts. Why can't he get a job part time whilst setting up his bisiness!

Lightsabre · 05/03/2019 05:53

Business!

Santaclarita · 05/03/2019 06:00

You need to talk to a solicitor, not mumsnet. We don't know your exact circumstances and they are trained as well. You may get wrong advice here so speak to a professional.

HennyPennyHorror · 05/03/2019 06:04

It is half his. He's looked after the children all this time...freeing you up to make money.

HennyPennyHorror · 05/03/2019 06:04

Also I can't IMAGINE wanting to "protect myself financially" in the event of a split. Why would you want your husband to have nothing??

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 05/03/2019 06:13

Reverse?

FiveTwoFaster · 05/03/2019 06:23

Post nuptial agreement. Which he may not want to sign.

DanglyBangly · 05/03/2019 06:33

You’re married. Everything is half his.

LemonTT · 05/03/2019 06:36

Bit late for a pre nup🙄

The legal position is quite clear. The breadwinner and homemaker contribute equally to the marriage. So regardless of who earned the money for the deposit or who pays the mortgage, it is a joint asset. That applies as a cash saving, investment or deposit on a house. Trying to hide the money would be financial abuse.

Inliverpool1 · 05/03/2019 06:39

In the reverse of this situation I got the whole house and 50% of the pension pot.
If you think you may split don’t buy the house but then where will your children live ?

Lavellan · 05/03/2019 06:44

You would have to both sign a post nup, but even then it's not mandatory for the courts to follow it.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/03/2019 06:49

To be honest OP you sound a bit grabby- he’s a SAHD and you think in the event of a divorce he should get nothing? If you are annoyed he doesn’t work and didn’t bring any money to the house purchase, I would say it’s a bit late to now find issue with this.

Jackshouse · 05/03/2019 06:51

Who will the kids live with?

ColeHawlins · 05/03/2019 06:57

I don't think OP sounds grabby. I suspect she has a classic cocklodger on her hands.

Husband is unemployed and has been for several years stating that he is trying to set up a business abroad

I have financially supported us for over 10 years whilst he has basically been a SAHD

So I'm reading this as a completely half-arsed SAHP, who doesn't do the job properly because his real focus is on his "this time next year I'll be a miwlluinaire Rodney!" plans.

It doesn't sound as though these grandiose "business abroad" plans have come to anything at all after a WHOLE DECADE.

I'm betting OP still does the kids' admin, comes home and does laundry, makes lunchboxes or similar.

Am I close OP?

InDubiousBattle · 05/03/2019 07:05

He has been the primary carer so I would imagine he would stay in the house with the dc and you would pay maintenance. He would be need to get a job but his contribution would certainly be recognised. There's a reason that every single post on every single SAHP thread advises marriage if there are assets.

BatsAreCool · 05/03/2019 07:06

I don't think OP sounds grabby. I suspect she has a classic cocklodger on her hands.

If in England it doesn't matter though. Marriage is a contract which binds you together financially and protects the lower earner. If she didn't like what her DH was doing it should have been changed years ago or she should have divorced him years ago. However, like a lot of the higher earners it tends to suit them whilst it is convenient but later they want to leave with every penny when they decide it doesn't. And yes I have been divorced as the better earner.

Powerbunting · 05/03/2019 07:13

You are in the same position when you buy the house as you are now. Possibly slightly better possibly slightly worse.

Right now half your assets are his. Ie half your cash. Half your pension would be if you had one.

If you buy a house it will probably increase in value more than a cash savings would. But if he is the primary carer for your children he will probably be able to keep living there in the event of a divorce.

You need to talk to a solicitor.

user1461609321 · 05/03/2019 07:13

To be fair to him, he is a pretty decent dad, far more hands on than me eg takes kids out daily to farm, swimming, museum etc over half term, also really supports their school work and attends all school plays etc

Perhaps greed is getting the better of me! I know without his support, I would not be where I am professionally, but a tiny part of me feels like this is all unfair and that nobody just gets 'given' half a property that they didn't work for!

Perhaps I just need to get this out of my system

OP posts:

Inliverpool1 · 05/03/2019 07:18

Wow 😮

ColeHawlins · 05/03/2019 07:20

Oh okay. I take it all back. So there's not really anything for you to feel aggrieved about, then?

It's just that you're totally discounting his contribution to the family?

Wow.

BatsAreCool · 05/03/2019 07:20

Good on you OP to start to realise that you aren't actually being fair in terms of finances.

You need to start thinking of your marriage as a team. It doesn't matter who earnt the most cash at any time because it's team work. Obviously if you aren't happy with 'your team' you negotiate change or divorce but either way you are tied together as part of the marriage.

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InDubiousBattle · 05/03/2019 07:22

He did work for it. He took care of your children enabling you to forge ahead with your career. He has compromised his own earning potential massively to further yours.

Merryoldgoat · 05/03/2019 07:24

He did work for it. He took care of your children enabling you to forge ahead with your career. He has compromised his own earning potential massively to further yours.

This.

Justkeeprollingalong · 05/03/2019 07:24

If this was a man writing about his stay at home wife he would be ripped to pieces.

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