To ask a question about Dirty John (on Netflix) SPOILERS

[Strongenoug3]

Just finished watching the series & now I'm watching the documentary.

On his & Debra's first date, why did he go and lie on her bed? He was clever and capable of duping people, so why did he make such a basic mistake on the first date? Was it on purpose? I don't understand it.

[Namechange8471]

He was high on drugs and needed a lie down.

[BitOfFun]

I think he was quite deliberately pushing her boundaries to see what he could get away with. Classic psychopath move.

[EdWinchester]

Because he was a twat, but lucky for him, she was too.

[Wantobeacat]

I wondered that, then I thought he wanted her to feel bad for asking him to leave? I gave up on this series as it got a bit confusing for me, I don't have a great attention span though.

[BitOfFun]

And once he'd called her to apologise the next day, and she gave him another chance, he knew he was quids in.

[Strongenoug3]

Because he was a twat, but lucky for him, she was too. Ah I think that's a bit harsh. I know it seems that she was unbelievably stupid, but we have the advantage of the creepy music and trailers.

Testing her boundaries makes sense. I'm watching the documentary now and there are so many women he's duped. Why do so many women fall for dodgy men?!

[Lotsofsausage]

He probably thought he was on a promise, I did watching it !
My question is how was she so stupid?

[EllenBach]

I think it was because he had recently been released from prison and not used to such a comfortable bed.

[EdWinchester]

I have watched the Netflix series and the documentary and have not changed my mind about Debra.

She is an immature, selfish woman. She put herself and her romantic ideas about 'the one' before her family, despite her lamentable relationship history. Honestly, I wanted to shake her.

I am not surprised her elder daughter refused to participate in the documentary.

[Strongenoug3]

My question is how was she so stupid?

Especially when, looking at her business, she isn't a stupid woman. It's funny how the kids picked up on something being wrong about him.

[MaMisled]

He'd only been released from prison two days earlier and I think...like Goldilocks. ...the temptation of a big, soft bed was too much.

[GoogleBroughtMeHere]

On the documentary she says she realises now that it was because he had no where else to go having just got out of prison and wanted to try to stay.

[frustratedindivorce]

I think it was so she'd get annoyed and he could "fuck up" then win her over by apologising, pretending he thought it might all be a bad idea anyway and showing his sensitive side to force her into the role of pursuer

[MishMashMosher]

Where can I watch the documentary please? How true to the real events is the Netflix series?

[NotANotMan]

I couldn't understand that at all, it seemed so clumsy and not in keeping but when it came to the flashback he was just desperate and high.

[MishMashMosher]

Agree that the flashbacks were confusing. They didn't seem to explain anything and seemed really random.

[Strongenoug3]

On the documentary she says she realises now that it was because he had no where else to go having just got out of prison and wanted to try to stay. I've just got to this bit! That makes sense.

MishMash the documentary is on Netflix too called Dirty John: The Dirty Truth. The series is very true to real life, and also excellently cast.

[ArsenicNLace]

I agree with BitofFun he was just testing her boundaries. He'd probably already worked out that her boundaries weren't very good because she allowed him into her home address the first time she met him which shows very poor judgement on her part.

[ArsenicNLace]

I think the podcast explained it all very well.

[GoogleBroughtMeHere]

MishMashMosher the documentary is on Netflix. It's on the 'trending now' section.

[Barrenfieldoffucks]

We just watched the series and then the documentary. Scary fucker.

Eric Bana's look of pure rage at talk of a post nup was worth the series alone.

[MishMashMosher]

Thank you. That gives me something to watch tonight.

[ViolaD77]

Because he wanted to stay the night as he was homeless

[Leighhalfpennysthigh]

Eric Bana is delicious

Sorry for the derail.

[PtahNeith]

She got sucked in for the same reasons other women get sucked into abusive relationships. Are we all stupid, too?

The point is that it's not about stupidity or how successful you are professionally; some abusive men (and that is what this one was) get a kick out of being able to control and bring down women in "successful" careers.

They go looking for somebody vulnerable, who doesn't have the boundaries to protect themselves, whose understanding of what makes a healthy relationship is not there, who is trusting or sheltered or naive, whose background will make them easier to manipulate.

Our culture and socialisation helps. The idea that it's romantic to be stalked and pursued, the idea that women say no when they mean yes, the idea that men are controlling because they care about you, the idea that you need someone to sweep you off your feet so fast you don't have time to be objective, the idea that a man murders a woman because he loves her so much...

Given her background I struggle to comprehend why it's so difficult for posters here to see how she ended up with no idea of what a healthy relationship was - basically looking at abusive ones and seeing love. It's pretty bloody obvious it would be difficult for anybody in those circumstances to have a good understanding of what a healthy relationship looks like.

Take issue with our toxic culture and the men who abuse. That is where your criticism and judgement should be directed, otherwise you are just as bad and enabling them.