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Stupidest thing

(35 Posts)
Happyinheels Thu 28-Feb-19 18:39:47

To ask you what is the stupidest thing you have ever done?

I'll start:

When my kids were 3 and 18m (circa 10 yrs ago!) I took them camping. For those of you who like camping you will know that camping with tinies is nothing like camping pre-tinies. And when you're camping with kids all routine disappears. Their bedtime blends into your bedtime because they can't sleep because of the light night, because of the noise on the site, because the sleeping bag crinkles - anything in fact. Morning starts when the first bird dares to utter a tweet at 4am and you desperately try to clamp littlies mouths shut tight so as not to wake the whole site, whilst hiding through gritted teeth 'Go.Back.To.Sleep!!!'

Anyway, that's the background, which is very important as way of trying to explain why I did what followed.

By the second night everyone is exhausted from late nights and early mornings. Having eventually getting the kids to sleep I crawled into my own sleeping bag. It had been tough getting the 18m to sleep because there was a lot of noise on the site. As happens, I woke up in the middle of the night for a wee. I laid trying to ignore it, hoping to fall back to sleep. I absolutely did not want to risk waking the tinies. But the more I thought about it the more desperate I became. Eventually I just couldn't wait any longer. Like an army commando I navigated the exit of my sleeping bag without undoing the zip. Takes some doing I can tell you. Then I was faced with the zip of the tent bedroom door. I considered my options - unzip with one fell swoop like ripping a plaster off and risk waking the beasts sleeping angels or manoeuvre the zip painfully millimetre by millimetre. I ended up going for option 2. The noise was horrendous. The kids stirred, I held my breath, they rolled over and I continued. This was painstaking. Meanwhile my bladder was spasming from being so desperate. I made it with utter stealth into the main compartment of the tent, crawled around in the dark (no torch for fear of waking the kids) looking for my shoes. Then realised it was raining and the loos were far away. Suddenly a brainwave hit me. One of those light bulb moments of utter clarity... I could use one of DS's nappies to pee in, after all that's what they're for. I was so pleased with myself! Got myself into a suitable position to dtd. Oh I tell you it felt soooo good to finally be peeing. Everyone was still asleep. I hadn't had to go out into the rain. Win win situation. It felt so so good. Only readers, if you've made it this far, Children’s nappies are not made to hold adult volumes of wee. I only realised this in the pitch black silence as I felt warm wet pee flowing down my legs, all over my hands...Once I'd started I could not stop. Oh it was horrific! Basically the overflow was overflowing. All over the tent floor... it was like a bloody river! And I could not stop. Not for my life. I should stop now as I've waffled on. But you know what? The kids slept through the whole thing!

StopMakingAFoolOutofMe Thu 28-Feb-19 18:47:35

Is this a weird piss troll thread? confused

Happyinheels Thu 28-Feb-19 18:48:16

No, sadly it's not a troll

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD Thu 28-Feb-19 18:49:45

I can honestly say I have never peed myself or peed al fresco to the best of my memory.

SparklyMagpie Thu 28-Feb-19 18:51:29

I shut this down the second you mentioned a nappy. No thanks, and it's not as hilarious as you've tried to make out it to be

Hedgehogblues Thu 28-Feb-19 18:52:54

Gross

IceRebel Thu 28-Feb-19 18:56:23

This thread can be condensed down to.

I once went camping with small children, and at night I needed a wee. I couldn't be bothered to go outside the tent so I used a child's nappy.

I wouldn't call it a stupid thing to do, more like weird and repulsive hmm

chuttypicks Thu 28-Feb-19 18:57:31

Your post cracked me up @Happyinheels !!

recrudescence Thu 28-Feb-19 18:59:22

As I’m sure you know, you can get nappies made for adults. You could wear one of these on your next camping trip and not even have to get out of your sleeping bag.

Lovestonap Thu 28-Feb-19 18:59:56

That was kind of awkward to read. Fine for a parenting type blog where you have to make the mundane seem super hilarious. A bit try-hard for here.

HyggeHeart Thu 28-Feb-19 19:01:40

Made me chuckle! 😂

Happyinheels Thu 28-Feb-19 19:02:36

Woah kind of missed the point of the post - the stupidest thing you've ever done?! Clearly never been camping with tiny kids!

But hey, thanks for reading and the condescending and judgmental comments but if it helps you sat in your ivory towerssmile

PinkSquidgyPig Thu 28-Feb-19 19:04:10

Made me laugh too!
I've bought s bucket for this very reason. Trial run this summer. Mostly for my slackbladdered dd.

Lovestonap Thu 28-Feb-19 19:06:51

Yeah I've been camping with small kids. It was OK. Travel John's are your friend.

CantWaitForSpring1 Thu 28-Feb-19 19:08:53

I’ve considered doing this when stuck in traffic - thank you for pointing out that it would have been a foolish thing to do!

Ignore the grumps on here. I thought your post was funny!

Jean1234 Thu 28-Feb-19 19:09:36

@Happyinheels - haha - that made me laugh.

(Some comments are so undeservedly mean hmm cheer up!)

Fattymcfaterson Thu 28-Feb-19 19:11:20

I see the humour police have arrived

Imagining the silent clean up OP 😁

Albamahanna Thu 28-Feb-19 19:11:48

Tough crowd on here. Made me laugh though. We were once camping at a festival and I tried to pee into a plastic cup as the toilets were far away and we had all been drinking. Needless to say those plastic cups are also not made to hold adult volumes of wee.

LuckyLou7 Thu 28-Feb-19 19:12:14

You need a porta-potti inside your tent - the kids will need night time toilet trips once they're out of nappies and traipsing across a campsite in the dark with a toddler in tow isn't fun. Then when they're older, get a separate toilet tent. Or buy a caravan wink

Hanumantelpiece Thu 28-Feb-19 19:16:44

When DC was potty training and we were camping we used the potty in the night for the same reason. Thankfully it coped with volume!

Iseesheep Thu 28-Feb-19 19:18:03

Some people are utterly humourless vixens. Don't like it? Don't comment.

SweetAsSpice Thu 28-Feb-19 19:21:00

confused

SparklyMagpie Thu 28-Feb-19 19:28:50

😂😂 I'm not humourless at all, judging by the piss and poo threads we get, I choose to take it with a pinch of salt.
But if that means I have no sense of humour, then I'll survive

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD Thu 28-Feb-19 19:37:07

I actually thought the story would end with the op standing in the rain having a sneaky pee in the downpour.

slashlover Thu 28-Feb-19 19:41:42

Tinies?

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