He's a Disney Dad

[loloremos]

I used to hate the term Disney Dad, but I'm starting to realise what that is.

Separated from ex DP a week or so ago. We have a tiny baby. Half the reason left him was because he hardly helped with DS.

He never picked him out an outfit. He never bought him clothes. Never bathed him. Occasionally changed a nappy. Wouldn't soothe him when he was crying and depended on me to do it. I tried and tried to get him to parent properly but I failed. He's also not very nice to me. I made the extremely hard and gut wrenching decision to leave.

Now, I know he's going to live the rest of his life being a Disney Dad.

I'll do all of the disciplining, arranging of activities, educating, nurturing, and he just gives me £30 a week.

Even when he's has DS the past week and I've been there, he's held him and spent more time glued to the tv. As soon as he cries or gets grisly it's my job to soothe him.

AIBU to (regardless of how much I don't regret my son) be pissed off that I picked someone so lazy to be my son's dad?

I've been a single mum for a week, my whole world has flipped upside down and he is quite happy, getting to play with his son and hand him back when it gets tough.

Anyone else found the same?

[thefirst48]

I think your being a little dramatic. A newborn/small baby doesn't do much so holding a baby whilst watching tv isn't really a sign he's a lazy dad. Sounds like your putting all the hate you feel for your ex into the situation rather than realising it's about your child.

[Aprilshowersarecomingsoon]

Grisly baby =stick it in the pram and shove them out the door.
Put your feet up.

[loloremos]

@thefirst48 he's not a newborn. He's 4 months. He interacts, chats, babbles etc. He wants to be played with. I don't think it's normal in the 2 hours you see your baby to stare at the tv instead of playing with your child? Maybe I am being dramatic but I'm not finding it easy.

[loloremos]

@Aprilshowersarecomingsoon he won't go out because he won't be on his own with him. If I go out even round the corner I have to take him with me.

[Arowana]

Leave them to it, OP, or this will drive you mad!

[loloremos]

Also, it's not JUST about my child. It can't be a case of 'I get to do sod all as long as the child is happy' can it?

[Aprilshowersarecomingsoon]

You are enabling him to be a lazy fucker if you pander to his rules.

[TORDEVAN]

I think it's a bit early to call Disney Dad. My DH was like that and all it turned out to be was that he felt awkward playing with the baby like I did and the TV was just an easy option. Baby is now over 1 and DH is much better at engaging and playing rather than just sticking on the TV.

[loloremos]

@Aprilshowersarecomingsoon you're right and I'm so nervous of him that I won't confront him. I need to just go and leave them to it but I know when I get back he will be in a shit mood. This is not how I wanted things to be...

[Rspu3]

Hand your son over to his dad, grab your handbag and walk out of the door saying bye see you later to baby. Go for a few hours.
Seriously I have my sister this advice when her oh wouldn’t even pick his child up would call my sister in to do it and she never took my advice. He now won’t even cook tea when my sister has been at work all day he loads the kids up with sugar until she comes back home then he fucks off to the gym. Be cruel to be kind. He is your baby’s parent too and needs to learn now he has half respsonibility to act like one.

[loloremos]

@TORDEVAN did he change nappies or do anything? My ex DP literally does nothing. I didn't realise that was accepted to be normal but looks like IABU!

[Arowana]

This is ridiculous OP. Honestly you have to tell him this can't go on!

[Aprilshowersarecomingsoon]

Luckily his shit moods aren't yours to endure.
Hand baby over at the door. Collect at the door.
Provide a list with dc friendly places he can take the dc.
You aren't obliged to host him you know!!

[PoptartPoptart]

What you’re describing is not a Disney dad.
Disney parents typically enjoy all the good bits of parenting without the responsibility and will often go out of their way to give the kids a good time/spend money on them.
He just sounds like a lazy arse.

[MaybeitsMaybelline]

With the greatest respect what disciplining do you do with a four month old?

[loloremos]

@PoptartPoptart I must've misunderstood the term but you're not wrong about the latter.

[loloremos]

@PoptartPoptart I said 'I'll do' not 'so do' - it was a prediction of the inevitable.

[loloremos]

Sorry that was for @MaybeitsMaybelline not poptart

[loloremos]

*I do, not 'so do' -

[LostInShoebiz]

I'll do all of the disciplining

Erm, I don’t think you should be “disciplining” a four month old. Maybe Disney Dad is doing it right.

[loloremos]

@LostInShoebiz I'm talking about this being a sign of things to come.

Never mind...

[Popc0rn]

OP said "I'll do all of the disciplining", not "I do all of the disciplining", to me that's pretty clear that she's talking about the future, not the present.

YANBU OP, has your ex ever looked after his son on his own?!

[PlainSpeakingStraightTalking]

What you are describing isn't 'Disney Dad' - a 'Disney Dad' is one who turns up to the good times, showers with money and presents, spoils rotten for a very short amount of time, breaks all the parenting rules, has sweets and treats, leaving you to pick up the chaos he's created.

You've just got a lazy sod

[fotheringhay]

OP YANBU at all, this is horribly unfair on you. I'd get the thread moved over to the Relationships board

[Alsohuman]

A lot of men (and women!) find small babies quite boring and have no idea what to do with them. There isn’t actually much you can do with a four month old. Did you really break up because he didn’t do enough with the baby? Because, if you did - and i’m really not having a go at you - you don’t seem to have given him much of a chance. Four months is nothing, although I appreciate at this stage it can feel like a decade.