To think this is not acceptable?

[RoastOx]

I don't know whether I'm being over the top because of my relationship with Father but something happened yesterday and the more I think about it, the more it bothers me.

Myself and DF have a very turbulent relationship and its an incredibly long story so I am going ot give as much background as I can in the shortest way possible.

Mother died when I was 8, I grew up to be quite a naughty teenager, caught shoplifting sweets once, used to drink on weekends and sneak out of the house an play truant from school.

I played truant because I was being mercilessly bullied in school. I ran away from home because my dad would bully me.

He used to keep me locked in the house, I wasn't allowed to my friends house. When he was in the pub my 2 older brothers were ordered to watch over me and make sure I didn't leave.

He would use his belt to smack my arse when I was caught doing any of the above. He would constantly tell me my Mother would be ashamed of me. He would come home late and enter my bedroom to verbally abuse me and I would cry most nights.

He once threatened to come to my Grans house (where I was staying) with his rifle because I was caught shoplifting in local shop (age around 12).

I used to lie in bed and my heart would be pounding, waiting for him to put his key in the door.

I left home when I was 16 and things improved.

Nowadays he will tell me I need to lose weight, tell me I have wasted my life by not going to Uni etc etc.

I stopped talking to him around a year and a half ago because he is just toxic as fuck. My brothers are his favourite, he has little time for me. I was told on here (diff username) to cut him off and stop searching for his acceptance. Good advice. I stopped talking to him.

Last 2 weeks I have caved because he has sent me drunken texts asking what he has done. Went to see him 2 weeks ago, was a bit awkward but only stayed 10 mins to drop something off to him.

Yesterday was my birthday and he told me to come up as he has "a little something for me". I wasn't expecting anything, he never so much as sends me a card. Anyhow I went up as it was on my way home and to be honest, I was a little intrigued.

His female friend was there with him and they were both drunk, he turned to ehr and said "remember I said I have a little something for RoastOx?" and he came towards me laughing and did an action as if he was going to flick my nose so I laughed and turned my head.

He tried to get nose (I am aware that this is very strange behaviour) but couldn't so instead clenched his fist and pumelled by shoulder "playfully" about 5 or 6 times whilst laughing. He then carried on around the room to fetch me flowers and £20.

I was in shock and questioned whether this was ok, as I guess I did when I was younger.

Having taken my 4th painkiller I have realised that this is not ok, he fucking hurt me and I'm angry. I am angry that I am toos cared to tell him he hurt me because he just wont understand, and I'm angry that I am too ashamed to tell my DP what happened.

Why am I covering this? Is this abuse, even at my age? He hasn't done anything physical like that since being an adult and it's thrown me.

Tell me I'm not being crazy.

[PlainSpeakingStraightTalking]

1.. block his number and go NC (and I never say this)
2.. tell your DH

Yes it is abusive behaviour. Disengage and walk away .

[QuintadiMalago]

No, you're not being crazy, that's not ok behaviour by your father. Please don't be to embarrassed to tell your partner, it really wasn't your fault. As plain speaking said, it's abusive, if you can just walk away then do. Block him and disengage

[RB68]

its ABH never mind anything else

It is abuse and control - you went at his call

CUT HIM OFF and try and get some sort of counselling via GP although good luck with that - if you can pay for it I would you need to get him out from under your skin

[blackteasplease]

I would say go to the police. It's assault. Bet he wouldn't see that coming.

[RoastOx]

I think I seriously need some counselling

[Alsohuman]

It's the very opposite of acceptable. Please tell your partner. Please get some counselling. It's appalling. So sorry it's happened to you. 💐

[GlorianaCervixia]

You don’t sound like you were a particularly naughty teenager. You sound quite normal. Plenty of teenagers do those things and worse. His treatment of you was horrendous.

It’s hard for you to let go because as a child you were bonded to him through the trauma of losing your Mum and then his pummeling into you that there was something wrong with you and you deserved to be treated badly.

I think the child you were learnt to feel ashamed and small and you’re still carrying that with you. You still want him to show you that he loves you but he won’t because something is wrong with him. Not you. Him.

Go no contact again and seek out some counselling. You are worth so much more than this.

[KC225]

No that is not normal behaviour. He has hurt you immeasurably and now he is hurting you physically.

[LilaJude]

Oh OP, that’s awful. He’s an abusive bully - and his behaviour is escalating because he knows he was losing control when you dropped contact with him. I hope you are ok

[dooryfish]

Bloody hell. I'm so sorry op

My advice would be to tell your dp and never see him again. I'd be tempted to report him to the police too.

If you can afford private counselling I would and see one ASAP. It's not for everyone but I found it so helpful.

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

No that's not acceptable.

I'm very sorry about your Mum dying when you were so young. But your 'D'F - who was supposed to be your parent and guide and protector during this time - basically bullied and physically abused you!

I'm not surprised you ran off the rails a bit.

It sounds like he still is an abusive arsehole so give yourself permission to go NC totally and utterly. Him sending you a pathetic text asking 'What he has done' was just to reel you back in. Don't fall for it again. He knows full when what he has done.

You were strong enough to do it before, you can do it again.Yes, please seek counselling to help you work through this. I think that would be a really positive step forward for you. Good luck with it all.

[SaturdayNext]

Has he bruised you? If so take photographs and consider going to the police.

[Margot33]

Yes it's abusive behaviour. I would actually change your phone number. No matter what he says he has for you, it's not worth it.

[Springwalk]

Jesus Christ he has assaulted you op.
What a terrible thing to do to his own child. Read your own post back. You know he is never ever going to stdp abusing you.

Time to go nc permanently. Buy yourself some flowers every birthday and Christmas, and you look after you from now on.

I am so upset for you. Feel free to call the police and report him.

These are for you 💐 and for tot birthday 💐

[Vixxxy]

Wow this is awful..he needs help and tbh you need to go NC until he behaves in a normal manner.

[viques]

There is a wise saying on MN, when someone shows you what they are then believe them. You gave him the benefit of the doubt and once again he let you down, humiliated you, abused you, hurt you.

He does not deserve your love, affection or respect. Don't feel guilty about it, he has engineered the situations far too many times for it to be careless or thoughtless behaviour. He is an abusive bully who does not love you, ignore future attempts to entice you into a relationship.

remember how angry , hurt and confused you are feeling today and use that feeling to protect yourself from his coercive behaviour in the future. Write down how he makes you feel, and why and keep it in a safe place. If he contacts you again and you feel tempted to respond then read your thoughts to recall how you are feeling now.

I hope you have other people in your life who respect you, love you and care for you. Happy birthday for yesterday.

[Jux]

I'm sorry your father's a piece of shit, you deserved and do deserve better. Don't cover for him, tell your dp. Yes, counselling will help you.

[youknowmedontyou]

I'm so sorry OP, everything you describe is just awful!

Go NC immediately and don't look back. He's got massive unaddressed mental health issues and he needs to sort those. You cannot sort them for him.

[Nanny0gg]

I agree with the above, however, just out of interest, do you still have contact with your brothers? Does your father?

[RoastOx]

I forgot to say, whilst he was punching me he shouted "why didn't you go to school" In a half shouty, half angry voice.

I think I'm in shock at the moment. He can't let go of the past.

He to this day, thinks I had something to do with a burglary at our house when I was 13. My mothers rings and bracelets were stolen.

It wasn't me, I knew nothing about it, and all that jewellery was coming to me anyway.

I feel sad and fucking achy.

I am not going to pretend I will be going to the police, it wont happen.

I am too embarassed to tell DP. I don't want her to know how bad he is. I have only introduced them once in the 6 years we have been together.

He is homophobic and will only refer to her as my friend. He used to nag "when will you give me grandkids, and I dont mean one of those test tube efforts".

I am mid referral for IVF so that will be fun.

[RoastOx]

@Nanny0gg Yes I do with my brothers, one of them not so much as he is exactly like my Father.

They pick on my other brother a bit and are quite nasty about him, surprise surprise we get on great.

They both speak to my Father

[RoastOx]

To add, I'm thirty bloody 6!!

[PunishmentSnart]

Stay away from him. He is awful.

Block his number so he can’t guilt trip you back into contact.

[Nanny0gg]

Might be a good idea to avoid the one who's like your father then.