To not give DD our flat?

[Thunder69]

Hello,

Our daughter has applied to university. She so far has received 3/5 offers. One of them is in the town next to us (the "worst" one she has applied for) but we own a small property in that area; someone is in there for 6 more months, but then it'll be empty, so we can find a new person, or DD can have it. We don't particularly need the income we get from rent. DD would need to cover other costs with her loan.

If we say she can't (we haven't given her an answer yet) she has openly said she will go to one of the "better" unis. This makes me feel like I'm in a really difficult situation. I think balls are good for 1st year students, especially if she will pick the choice that's better for her future, or I could offer the property, but then I'm the one actually causing her to not socialise in 1st year/be at a "worse" uni.

Really looking for thoughts. Thanks.

[Thunder69]

*halls (not balls!!!)

[Confusedbeetle]

Her choice of university should be the one that she will get the best education from3

[EerieSilence]

Tell her no, use the extra income from the rent to pay for her better universities. She'll have a better chance in her life.

[Thunder69]

Yes, this has been my argument. She should pick the better one and if I provide her with that, I know she won't. She's keen on 'living alone', so it draws her to that option, but I don't want her to not be sociable and hate uni because of that.

[NancyDonahue]

The university is far more important than the accommodation. I think halls are important for socialising too. She'll miss out on a lot.

[MadameDuBarry]

It seems clear to me that you think that offering her the flat would mean (1) she is more likely to choose the worst university option of five, regardless of its academic merits, and that (2) if she does, she risks isolation from other students by not living in halls in first year.

It sounds like a no-brainer. Don't offer the flat.

[GetOffTheTableMabel]

I’m not sure I’ve got this

1. You let her live rent-free but she attends the nearby less-good university and misses out on the social experience of living in halls
   

Or

1. You don’t give her a rent-free flat and she goes to a better university and has a full live-in experience while she’s there.
   

If that is actually the question then I can’t understand while you don’t already know the answer.
If you are concerned about her finances, you can always give her a larger allowance while she attends a good university, especially as you say you are sufficiently well-off that you don’t need your rental income.

[Butchyrestingface]

What do you mean by “worse” university?

And how does not being in halls cause someone to not socialise? I lived at home through miles away from university and still managed to socialise.

Do you have concerns about your daughter’s social skills?

[Lettermethis]

Definitely, definitely not.

[Fruitbatdancer]

Can you rent the flat to someone else and offer the money / part of the money to her to help at uni? Get nicer digs? Might swing it for her? And only if you don’t need the money? Just a compromise?

[AhhhhThatsBass]

Don’t give her the flat. The better education option wins every time imo.

[EhlanaOfElenia]

Don't give her the flat, but you could offer to subsidise her rent with the income from the flat you rent out.

[DarklyDreamingDexter]

She should choose the best uni for her, not choose the 'worst' one because she can get a free flat. It's an important long term decision which will affect her whole life and career. Her best bet is to wait till she's had all 5 decisions then chose with long term goals in mind. If she ends up going to the 'worst' uni (presumably if she doesn't get the grades for her top choice) you would be unreasonable not to let her use the flat as it would save around £6k per year in rent. Tempting as it may be, it shouldn't be the deciding factor unless money is a real issue.

Halls are often great for 1st years, but not always. My daughter hardly spoke to her flat mates, not because they didn't get on, but because they were like ships in the night, barely saw each other. It isn't always like a UK version of Friends, being all mates together!

[FaithFrank]

YANBU of course she should not be choosing her uni based on the accomodation.

If she wants to live alone, she can do that anywhere. It's not compulsory to live in halls.

[MargotSimpson]

Don’t give her the flat. Staying in halls is brilliant experience. She’ll miss out on so much by living alone

[RB68]

Stay in Halls first year - if she settles and sticks 1. Sell flat buy one nearer her (if that is feasible) or 2. Just direct the money to paying towards her rent for yr 2. You may find by then she has a particular friend she wants to share with reducing her overall costs and teaching her life lessons on cost management but you could still direct flat income to her (less any maintenance savings you make) to help her out or be your contribution etc

[Witchend]

I understand the issues here.
Dd1 is in year 13 and last year they were all talking about getting away from home and how exciting it will be.
This year, the reality is hitting in as they look at finances etc. Several of her friends are now looking at the (okay) local uni simply because they can live at home. It isn't about not wanting to move out, it's just that the world of loans, tuition fees etc are looking like a steep mountain to get through, and anything to reduce this is good.
In the same way some universities offer bursaries if you "firm" their offer. They get students who take a lower offer because it's tempting to reduce their loans.


Now I suspect she doesn't necessarily want the choice of living in your flat. But she's been looking at loans, at student debt etc and is very sensibly factorising that in.


It may be (as my dd is) she's worrying about how much money it will cost and how you are going to be able to afford it. This is her way of saying to you that she cares about how much money you may need to spend.


I do agree with you about the socialising in halls. It's fine if you've got a very sociable child who will end up being the hub for their friends. But if you haven't, then they can become isolated. If you had a choice in going round to your friend's room two corridors away or going to your friend's flat half a mile away, you're going to choose the closer one. Plus you get informal meets etc. If everyone is in flats (as in second year onwards) it's fine, but if most of the first years are in halls it will be harder for her to meet and get to know her year.

[Lovemusic33]

Depends on your dd, I know for my dd it would be perfect as she is going to struggle with sharing (she has Aspergers), I would love to be able to offer this alternative to my dd.

Maybe explain to your dd that her uni choice is more important than her accommodation, if you rent it out to someone else you can use the money to support her at a better uni?

[Waspnest]

I dunno, I think that the cost of living should be taken into account when choosing a uni. All the teens I know who have gone to uni looked into costs before making a decision (unlike us oldies who got grants and lived in dumps). Some shock horror even decide to live at home to save money.


I think it also depends on what degree she's doing. If it's medicine/nursing/teaching I doubt future employers will care which uni she went to whilst in some degrees the reputation/networking opportunities are more important.

[diddl]

Why would her decision be the flat rather than the Uni?

[christmaschristmaschristmas]

Surely she should be in halls to make friends, especially in her first year.

And she needs to not go to the place with the worst course ...

[Waspnest]

Sorry x-posted with Witchend.

[Waspnest]

And halls are incredibly expensive these days. DH's niece pays £150 a week in Salford (I nearly fainted when she told me) not counting food.

[ohdearmymistake]

Actually it's quite easy really, she chooses the best uni based on the course and qualifications and she lives in the halls for the first year.

The flat doesn't come into it.

[OlennasWimple]

For the majority of students, choosing the establishment that offers the best course for their subject and living in halls in their first year (at least) will give them the best experience of university life