I don’t know where to turn too. I’m sobbing just so down and worn out I can’t take any more.
My ex was abusive. There is a thread I’ve done about it. I finally left him - moved house just myself and DC.
I stupidly signed up to POF - no intention of meeting a man at all. It was just a distraction as I’ve found myself missing ex (stupid I know) anyway he found out I was on there (he saw me) and I stupidly didn’t change my passwords and I use the same one on everything, he read my messages on there, social media, emails. I changed my passwords then had an email alert that someone straight away had tried to log into my emails and it showed the device and location.
Yesterday and today he’s been ringing constantly, I’d block him, he’d use another number etc. It turned threatening and he said he was coming round and doesn’t care about any police repercussions as he’s nothing to lose so would strangle me. (Has done before). Rang 999. Whilst police at my house he’s still ringing - the officer speaks to him and says he’s not to contact me.
I’m seeing another solicitor tues so going to get a non mol hopefully.
He has told my employers I’m sleeping with a drug dealer, he has now text me apologising - he’s reported me to social services this afternoon for neglect, not feeding my children, having a drug dealer round my house and concerns for my MH. I have not spoken or met with a drug dealer I do not have a clue who he is even on about and the only man that has even set foot in my house is my dad.
I feel sick and can’t srop crying I’ve just had enough and give up. My gran who raised me does suddenly 6 weeks ago, I’ve horrendous health and waiting on a transplant whilst looking after dc making sure everything the best for them, they are warm, fed, clean have a good routine and calm environment for the first time ever and now this.
Ex alleges the officer told him to contact SS with my concerns.
I just don’t know how to go on anymore. I can’t remener the last time I slept more then an hour and I’m fucked.
Sorry this is long. I don’t know what to do with myself :(
AIBU?
I literally give up. Hand hold please.
HCantThinkOfAUsername · 17/11/2018 03:42
I couldn’t read and not respond. You’re doing so so well to have escaped from that “man” and you are doing nothing wrong. So even if he has reported you to anyone you don’t have anything to hide. So please please keep your chin up and carry on as you are. Get some sleep, keep a diary of his harassment and hopefully this will all count against him when you see your lawyer.
Hiya
Remove your sim. Buy another. I say again , stay away from social media, change your passwords.
This is very real, and dangerous. If any of these services believe him for one minute you will be looking at fighting for your DC.
I so sad that all this has happened,you were doing so well.
I was checking for updates to see how you were getting on and assumed all good.
It sounds like the police are supporting g you well. Will they now give you a non-mol?
Try to get some sleep now tonight. But take your sim out until you have blocked all private and withheld numbers. The only to really stop is tho is to change your number, for good, and only give it to your DM.
Thank you for your reply I didn’t realise how many typos I had 
The grief is just overwhelming and now this. I’ve nothing to hide from SS it’s just hurt me so much he’s done it and what if they believe him? His family are backing him up :(
Dc were on child protection register but because of what he done to me , I can’t go through all that again. I’m at the point I think I’m just going to ask them to have Dc so they can hav better
They will not get better than staying with their DM, that's his abuse talking,and you are feeling tired and battered down by it all.
Remove your sim and replace it tomorrow. You will have peace, its the only way you'll have peace is by shutting him out completely.
I hope you can get some sleep now
Gosh you're having a shit time! I'm sorry for the loss of your Gran.
The main thing here is that you're totally exhausted and you need to sleep. You can't possibly cope with all this and no sleep.
Could you go anywhere for a few nights with DC and just rest? Somewhere that other people are with you?
I hope that's possible.
As for your ex, you've done everything completely right!
Do exactly what the police told you to do.
Ring them at once if he tries to contact you.
Do not hesitate. They have seen right through him.
GET THE NON-MOL ORDER! It will convince SS that your exH is a liar and has only called them to make trouble for you. You have also effectively blocked him from contacting you, but the non-molestation order makes it official so you must get it.
You are doing incredibly well - it is fantastic that the police were actually there to witness his harassment of you.
You are way, way ahead of him. He doesn't have a leg to stand on. Nor do his stupid family. They are all full of guff.
The police themselves saw him in action and they know what he is up to.
Change all of your passwords and stay off SM, including facebook.
Change your password here. Log off when you are done with a session.
You have this. It is incredibly tough when you are dealing with someone who thinks the law is for losers and he is far above it. But the police witnessed his harassment and warned him in person.
on the loss of your gran.
Please don't give up.
I'm so sorry for all you're going through. You've taken amazing strides forward, even if it's hard to see right now.
Any form of contact from him, you call the police. Every single time. There are extra steps they can take (DVPO??) but they need to know what's going on.
He's doing this to control you. He's seen how strong you are and doesn't like it. Stay firm.
Do call women's aid if you need advice, or freedom programme have a phone number too (on website //www.freedomprogramme.co.uk). What he's doing is what abusive men do when you stand up to them by leaving - try to regain control.
You're not the first woman to have malicious complaints made to social services by an abusive man.
They won't just take his word for it. And given you've reported him to the police for threatening to strangle you he's not the most credible source.
Did the police assess your risk? Or mention referring you to MARAC? You sound high risk, so they should have. If not I'd call and ask what they're doing to protect you. Some officers are really good at dealing with this, and some are less so (informal chats, but not following procedures to initiate risk assessments, MARAC referrals and protection orders...). MARAC just means different agencies discuss your case and review what they need to do to keep you safe. It's extremely confidential, but can have helpful outcomes.
You will get through this. You will. This early time after leaving can be bumpy with the backlash, but it does get better. You are worth protecting, so do not hesitate to call the police, chase people up, act on legal advice, speak to women's aid, get support from WA and/or FP or anything else you need to do... You're doing the right things, stick with it.
Firstly, sorry for the loss of your beloved grandmother and a big squishy hug for you and your children
Secondly, you are a truly amazing, strong woman.
You've left your abusive ex.
You are providing a warm, loving home for your children.
You are coping with your illness.
Things seem overwhelming right now and your tiredness isn't helping. As someone has suggested up thread, is there anywhere you and the children can go for a few days so that you can rest?
The suggestions made re police, women's aid and non molestation order are all very good advice.
SS will not take the word of a vindictive abuser over that of a loving mother backed up by the police. AND there is no way that your children would be better off living apart from you.
I wish I could hug you irl.
Please take care, rest and remember, there will always be support on MN.
Hello canthink welcome back to where you have friends and supporters.
Pleased you had a good break
Don't fall for the niceness.
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