.... to ask for your experiences as a mature students at uni? Because mine is horrible...

[DisillusionedMatureStudent]

NC, because I can't be sure if some of my "dearest" classmates are here...

I am really suffering now. We are just in the first month and I have now fully realised that people revert back to being 13. Gossips, shouting, bullying. I have not expected that from mature students ages 30-60.

Not all of them are bad, but the majority just, I guess, decided that the age means that they are never wrong (they are often) and can talk to others any way they fancy.

I have been shouted at for doing what I was assigned to do by tutors, laughed at for having my notes and work up to date, shunned and god knows what gossips circulate about me. I am now by myself during breaks just so I wouldn't have to be in a dining room with these few. The 18-year-olds never say anything to them, IMHO just because of the age and they tend to keep away from us older ones now. It's nice to see young ones being respectful to someone 3 times their age, but god, respect is earned, not given right.

I am usually the type of person who stands up for themselves and is not afraid to say when something is wrong, but in this situation, I am actually on a verge of crying, because I worked bloody hard to get here and now I don't want to be here. So I am alternating between anger and sadness.

I have never had a problem with bullies or people like that before and I can't believe that I have to deal with it at my age and at uni.

Does anyone have any experience? Please tell me this will sort itself out... I have kind of given up on hoping I would find friends in there, but I just want peace and not this kind of environment.

[StorminaBcup]

What an awful situation, what are you studying? I was a mature student (studying Psychology and then a related MSc), between 31 and 35 yrs of age and my cohorts were lovely. We all learned of each other and were respectful towards each other regardless of age. I've just returned to do a CPD course which runs for 15 weeks and my experience is the same, the age of the group varies between early 20's and late 50's.

What is the group size and how the interactions between the others?

[InkyGrail]

God that sounds horrible. I've been a mature student and it was nothing like that. Everyone was very supportive and friendly. Mind you there were no 18-year-olds on that course, everyone was over 25 at least (you had to have a lot of life and relevant job experience before they'd let you on it).

This is an undergrad course? I have found undergrad tends to be a lot more immature generally whether it's mature of just 18-year-old students. Different vibe, much more like High School.

I wonder if you can make friends with some of the younger ones?

[ButchyRestingFace]

I'm 6 weeks in on my second masters and not having the best time, although it's not awful.

With the exception of 1, all the students on my course are about half my age. 90% of them come from another country and live in residence together (whereas I live in my own home). They only seem to want to hang out together and spend the lectures/seminars talking to each other in the language of their home nation.

I'm beginning to wish I'd gone to the other university I was accepted for. Luckily, my course is only a year so just gonna grit my teeth. Nobody is actively horrible, which sounds different to your experience.

How long is your course?

[Alfie19]

I am a mature student now, in my late 40s. This is a one year post graduate course so the majority of the other full time students are early twenties. Se of my classes are in the evenings and attended by part timers, they are a bit older, many in their thirties.

But no, I have seen none of this behaviour. Everybody is “normal”., I don’t have a social group, but everyone is nice to me and I have no trouble getting into work groups for assignments.

[Junkmail]

In my last degree I was in my early twenties and because of the nature of the degree one of the younger ones and I know exactly what you mean about this type of behaviour—gossipy, cliquey, vile. For my current degree I’m actually one of the oldest ones so the table have turned but honestly it’s same old same old. Annoying/rude/domineering people are in every walk of life. Except this time I just completely ignore them. I’m not shy of a fight but it’s not worth it. I just stay 100% out of their bullshit. I will actually just blank people if they choose to disrespect me. If we have to do a group exercise I complete it and no more. I don’t expect anything from any of them and in return I think they think I’m a little weird and leave me alone.

I think that if you can OP remove yourself from the situation—sit/work alone, focus on yourself and remember why you’re there. For your own education and self improvement. Not to engage with twats.

[DisillusionedMatureStudent]

@StorminaBcup I am a bit apprehensive to say which course, in case of outing, but it is (supposed to be) a highly professional course. It's a small group and I have not really met everyone else in a class properly yet, so maybe there will be someone who will be a bit nicer.

I am glad you had a lovely experience! And good luck with your course!

I heard so many great stories so I wasn't really prepared for this. I basically just talk with lecturers at the moment and very few of the young ones as they tend to be part of the young group. Lecturers are absolutely lovely and happily provide me with extra info and opinions and a little bit of small talk. They obviously think I have what it takes as I have been asked to organise something and now I think that's one of the reasons for the hatred towards me.

I had so many plans for extra curriculum activities, but that's all in jeopardy now, because it would require working with some of these and I just can't face it ATM. Luckily it is a big uni so I can always find a "safe space" by myself somewhere, but it shouldn't be like this. I am normally very chatty and social person and this is really killing me a bit.

[mumsastudent]

have a word with your tutor - this is classified as bullying & if tutors know about it they have to report it - otherwise ignore them walk past them - my tutor described a small group to me as a coven :) they had noticed a particular woman attitude & asked me at a meeting whether I wanted to do something about it - I chose not to & made friends with others in our course - you are regarded as competition & they don't like it - ignore them & study - you will find that there are other people I am sure who will welcome you

[DisillusionedMatureStudent]

Thank you all for the replies!

I see I might be quite unlucky...
I guess I will just put my head down, hopefully, get my first (fingers crossed!!!) and just get on with the studies.
Can't believe adults laugh at someone for having their study work done on time.

[ButchyRestingFace]

Can't believe adults laugh at someone for having their study work done on time.

They won't be laughing when they get their marks back.

[DisillusionedMatureStudent]

@Junkmail that is exactly this. Just add aggressive to it and it's a perfect match.

[Mamabearx4]

Its still early days. The novelty of being at uni will soin wear off, and youll find if your getting good grades they will come tonyou for help. This happened to me as a marure student by year 2 i was mum of the group. Once they are snowballed with work they wont have time to gossip they will be stressing.
I loved my time at uni yes it was bloody hard work and i almost gave up but my course leader never let me and became a good friend even now years later.
You need to find your voice and beleive in yourself and your abilities dont let them destroy your hard word and your ambitions.

[DisillusionedMatureStudent]

@mumsastudent I am actually quite scared to do that especially right at the start of the course. They would just have a word with these people and it would probably get even worse.

[dangermouseisace]

I’ve been a mature student twice- under and post grad at 2 different universities, and never came across this kind of behaviour!

I’d definitely talk about this with a tutor, away from the rest of them. Can you make an appt? As this sort of behaviour shouldn’t be tolerated, especially on a professional course.

[DisillusionedMatureStudent]

I honestly feel so stupid about this. I am an adult with a successful career track and yet I am bloody crying over people being mean.

[DisillusionedMatureStudent]

Oh, it's undergrad

[SlightDark]

I went to college age 32 and I was a bit shocked when all the same kinds of people where there

The loudmouth
The bully
The shy person
The know it all
The know it all but knows fuck all

Etc

Honestly I just ignored them. I was only there 6 hours a week tho and I just had my head down and fully focused on the future and what the qualification would bring - it had changed my life.

[sheepsheep]

I am a mature student, first month in, and although my experience is a really positive one so far, I do have to say that I have been steering clear of my fellow mature students.

Group work began and the mature one's in my group were bolshy and intense from the word go. A very superior attitude, belittling to the younger students etc. Some of the other mature students do nothing but moan about all their other commitments, as though no one else has kids or jobs or any kind of life outside uni. There is definitely an atmosphere of reverting back to school, and losing sight of the fact that they have worked hard and chose to be here.

I agree with Junkmail, you need to refocus and remember why you are there. It is all for you, not them. They are irrelevant in the bigger picture.

I basically just talk with lecturers at the moment and very few of the young ones as they tend to be part of the young group. Lecturers are absolutely lovely and happily provide me with extra info and opinions and a little bit of small talk. They obviously think I have what it takes as I have been asked to organise something and now I think that's one of the reasons for the hatred towards me.

Honestly though, if someone on my course only ever talked to the lecturers I would think they thought of themselves as a bit special, and above the rest of us, and now I am wondering if you have gone in just as competitive as the rest of them and set yourself apart as a pushy student. It doesn't excuse their behaviour, but it does explain it a little, at least to me. IMO the first month is not the time to set yourself apart in any way, that comes later, through good marks and steady determination.

[Annandale]

Wow, no i never had an experience like this. There was one mature student on our course about my age (late 30s) who i found an absolute pain in the arse, but she was obsessive about the course and would never have dreamed of laughing at anyone for having their work done - she did scream at a young member of a group she was in for not working hard enough though. I can well imagine though that if there had unluckily been a group of three or four with bad attitudes, the presence of a critical mass could have emboldened them.

Organising things could go either way. I do think the best approach would be to say yes, grit your teeth, explain to your tutor you're being bullied and are worried about sticking your head above the parapet - ask for strategies to help you do it, not punishment for othrs. Look for allies among quiet younger students. Look for one of the bullying group who seems to be on the fringes and ask them to do one small bit of whatever it is - start picking them off. You will of course be doing them a favour as this group are clearly terrified and heading for failure.

Alternatively, ask not to organise anything and just keep your head down. But it seems a shame.

[Theworldwentwhite]

The courses I did at uni with mature students were AWFUL. Far more bitchiness, cliques and general nastiness. Mind you, it happened just as much with 18yeard olds too!

[DisillusionedMatureStudent]

@sheepsheep I know what you mean, but I started talking with them after all this happened. Basically, just this week because I just need someone to talk to in some way.
It doesn't help the situation though, does it...

[Theworldwentwhite]

*sorry, far more with mature students but happens with the younger ones too. Somehow worse with the mature students as I expected more.

[MrsStrowman]

One of my closest friends at uni was a mature student, she hung out with us (18-22) because she said the other mature students were bitchy and immature!

[isthistoonosy]

Ive been a mature student a few times I have seen this behaviour but not been the target. That said I keep my mind on why I am there, and ignore the other nonsense. Sometimes it can even be Funny when people try to prove they can out do you, have more experience, education etc - one guy went as far as showing me his University records - like their background or abilty has any affect on your life.

Just get on with your work and prove yourself through your grades.

[DisillusionedMatureStudent]

I am now not surprised at the rising levels of anxiety amongst students.

Thank you all for letting me "rant" a bit and I will take all your advice on board and maybe I will put on my big girl's pants and go and try to talk to some other students with the hope that I will find at least couple of people who weren't "poisoned". I only worry, because if they caught on to how mature students on our course are, they might be really apprehensive about talking to me (one of the mature ones). I guess that's why they keep away.

Hopefully, it will calm down. If not, I will just have to go and speak to my tutor. What I really don't want to do though is saying no to organising things in future. It all goes towards my CV and experience, as I have none in this field and I can't give up a chance to improve my CV just because few (the rest doesn't give a damn it seems) of other students are not happy about it.

[Chalkhillblu3]

I have done 3 mature student stints at Uni. First one I was a 29 year old PGCE student. We all reverted to being silly, drinking a lot and whatnot. Probably because it was stressful in on the school placements, so college seemed like a holiday. There was one super competitive older woman, who we all thought was an arse. But one older man we all loved. No one bitched.
Second time I was on a TESOL course, everyone was lovely. Third time MSc. Most people lovely. A trio of men decided to bitch behind my back for supposedly dominating classes (actually I just asked a lot of questions and was cleverer than them). I didn't find out for ages and when I did I took pleasure in showing them how clever I was. Generally I met some lovely people and dated one.
The common theme though is that 10 years after the last one I am not in touch with anyone from my courses apart from through LinkedIn. I was a bit sad about this, as some of the friendships were pretty intense at the time, we went on a lot of field trips etc.

Overall my advice is to treat it like work. If you didn't go to uni aged 18 it's not going to be a substitute for that kind of immersive, crazy life. You have a life already. Try to get a couple of friends regardless of their age, refuse to categorise yourself with older people (I am really immature so that's easy for me!). Try to join a couple of things through uni where you will meet people off different courses, eg a campaign group, outreach to schools, something that will help your CV. Show how bloody brilliant you are and don't be intimidated: learn to enjoy it when people are jealous of you (I fucking love it).

Don't drop out because of twats.