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AIBU?

dB and his dp's female plumbing

53 replies

Goosegettingfat · 16/08/2018 20:16

Text from dB: "Lottie has been told she has to have her Fallopian tube removed"
Me "oh that's terrible, I'm so sorry (etc) does she have PCO? Is that why?"
Db "no it's not that. I'm not sure of the details."

Disclaimer: I am no medical professional, but is this not odd?? If i was having a major (and emotionally upsetting) operation, I would discuss it in detail with DH and expect him to be interested and be able to give a basic description to concerned parties. Is this what other people's relationships are like?? Genuinely interested before I send him a reply asking WTAF doesn't he know

OP posts:

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Thehop · 16/08/2018 20:17

Yup. Weird.

steff13 · 16/08/2018 20:18

I'd have no issue telling my husband anything like that. Maybe she is more private and didn't want to share it. 🤷

Cynara · 16/08/2018 20:20

Well, perhaps he does know but isn't authorised to discuss her full gynaecological history. I wouldn't be too keen on DP disclosing my intimate gynae details to his family, maybe it's that.

pasturesgreen · 16/08/2018 20:20

Errr...sounds fine to me? I'm sure your DB knows the details, maybe he didn't want to discuss them via text message or he wanted to respect his partner's privacy.

CountessCon · 16/08/2018 20:21

Honestly, OP. Are you really expecting a blow by blow account of your SIL’s gynaecology from your brother? Would you be thrilled if your DH was trotting about giving detailed bulletins on your Fallopian tubes and their ailments?

TrappedByATurtle · 16/08/2018 20:22

I would expect to discuss it in detail with DH.

I would expect DH not to discuss it in detail with anyone else.

LokiBear · 16/08/2018 20:22

He doesnt want to tell you why. Respect their privacy. 'Let me know if you need anything and give lottie our love' is the only appropriate response.

covetingthepreciousthings · 16/08/2018 20:23

I would suspect that he does know the details but has been asked by DP to keep it private.

winecigsandchoc · 16/08/2018 20:23

I would tell DH but certainly would tell him not to discuss it with anyone else- esp not via text with my SIL!

kaytee87 · 16/08/2018 20:23

I would expect to discuss it in detail with DH.

I would expect DH not to discuss it in detail with anyone else

^ this.

DidimusStench · 16/08/2018 20:24

Is it an emergency situation, as in, they’re worried she’s going to rupture so they need to remove it now? I ask because often in situations like that, there’s no time to go through the ins and outs in fine detail and/or it’s a lot for the patient and the patient’s relatives to process so they have trouble relaying the info.

Otherwise, maybe they just think it’s none of your business?

NoLeslie · 16/08/2018 20:24

I have no idea of the state of my SILs tubes and if my DB started telling me about them I'd tell him to stop sharing her personal info. But I would expect HIM to know.

greenlavender · 16/08/2018 20:27

I wouldn't be at all happy if DH shared private details with SIL.

PatriciaHolm · 16/08/2018 20:27

Maybe he does but she doesn't want all the detail shared?

LokiBear · 16/08/2018 20:30

My dad is currently seriously ill in hospital. Ive had texts asking how he is, to which ive responded saying he is still very poorly but recieving great care. Most people reply saying 'you know where I am/give him my love' etc which is lovely. It has really pissed me off when some people gave then sent a further probing text asking for diagnosis and details. Fuck off. If I wanted to share all of the details I would. What I actually want is for people to be compassionate enough to give me a little space and understanding whilst my family is having a rough time, not to be dragged through the gory details because they want some gossip.

Rebecca36 · 16/08/2018 20:30

She may well have explained it all to your brother but he didn't take it in properly. In any case, it's no-one else's business.

There are several reasons for removal of a fallopian tube.

Goosegettingfat · 16/08/2018 20:31

Really! I must be much more TMI than I realized! I genuinely don't think he knows the details (he's not that sensitive-clearly it's a family trait ) but I honestly would expect DH to say to anyone who was fond of me (and I am fond of her) "she had to have them removed because...." (well I don't know why she would have to have them removed...??!! I assume it's serious since she doesn't have dc and wanted them, but I'm not sure why it would be beyond mention) so that they could understand and sympathize. Clearly I need to develop more personal boundaries!

OP posts:

AssassinatedBeauty · 16/08/2018 20:34

Yeah... I'd be a bit miffed if my DP was discussing my personal medical details with his mother/family. Why is it necessary for you to know exactly why she needs this operation?

Goosegettingfat · 16/08/2018 20:34

lokibear that is actually a very fair point- it hadn't occurred to me that they might still be in the midst of a tense and traumatic situation and therefore didn't want to talk in detail but just wanted to let me know. Thanks, and sorry about your DF

OP posts:

OutPinked · 16/08/2018 20:36

Maybe he wanted someone to talk to about it and knows he can trust you? Although he might want to question that trust now it’s on a public forum .

I can’t see much of an issue. When I was rushed into theatre last year following a missed miscarriage, DP called his dad. It was 1 am but DP was afraid and needed to speak to someone. I don’t hate him for that.

AvoidingDM · 16/08/2018 20:40

My guess would be an ectopic pregnancy. So very upsetting for both the SIL and your brother esp if it was a planned pregnancy.

Id also guess he doesn't want to discuss in detail but feels his family should know his wife is under going surgery.

mumsastudent · 16/08/2018 20:41

?ectopic pregnancy? poor lass whatever it is

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LokiBear · 16/08/2018 20:41

Thanks goose. Speaking as a woman who only has one working ovary, I cam tell yoy she is going to need lots of love and support in the next few weeks. Its a scary time. Im lucky, I still managed to concieve three times and I have two beautiful children, but it terrified me that I might not be able to have kids when I first found out.

FASH84 · 16/08/2018 20:44

My cousin had hers removed due to an ectopic pregnancy, but my friend's SIL had hers removed because of untreated Chlamydia which had reached PID stage when she was younger, she had fertility issues and they said it was the scar tissue she'd been left with and made her higher risk of ectopic so removed it, left her with one and she was still able to have children. So it could be any kind of thing that your brother either doesn't understand our doesn't want to share.

Upsy1981 · 16/08/2018 20:46

Sounds like something my DH would say if he didn't want to get drawn into a detailed personal conversation.

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